She needed to get out of there desperately, enough that she’d even deal with Nikolai.
“I’ll go with you,” she said, not looking to see if it surprised him. “We can bring back something for him.”
She stood on shaky legs, swallowing hard against an uprush of both nausea and emotion. In the hallway, she didn’t wait for Nikolai to follow her as she headed for the doors at the end. The home was built all on one floor, the residential wings like spokes leading to a central hub, with recreation and dining rooms beyond in another wing. She remembered a vending-machine area somewhere close to the lobby. She had not, however, remembered her purse or any money, something she only figured out when she got to the machine.
Alicia sagged against the soda machine with both hands flat on it. Shoulders hunched. Defeated.
“Here.” Beside her, Nikolai slipped a dollar bill into the slot. “What do you want?”
“Water . . . no. Cola. Full strength.” She needed the caffeine and the sugar. When the bottle fell into the slot at the bottom, she cracked the cap and took a long, grateful drag before offering it to him.
He shook his head. “No, thanks, I don’t drink soda anymore.”
“You used to guzzle it by the gallon. What happened?” Alicia took another long sip, feeling better.
“The color’s coming back to your cheeks. You want a snack?” Nikolai put another couple of bucks into the snack machine and punched some buttons, then pulled out a bag of fried cheese crackers and a package of cake rolls.
Her favorites. How many nights had they spent gorging on treats like this, wrapped up in sleeping bags outside under the summer sky? Or in front of the television, sneaking movies their parents would’ve refused to let them see? Babulya knew about those late-night horror fests and had always shaken her head at them, but she never gave the kids away.
Her vision blurred as the tears she’d fought for hours finally broke free and burned trails down her cheeks. She’d escaped the room and the burden of having to support Ilya with her own strength, but it had been hours since she felt like she’d been able to take a breath. She put a hand on the wall, shoulders sagging.
“Hey.”
One of Nikolai’s arms went around her in an awkward squeeze until he embraced her fully. She fought the hug, not wanting to completely break down. Not here, and especially not with him. When his hand stroked down the length of her hair, she shook her head and forced herself to step back.
She wiped her face. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Nikolai gave her a long, curious look, then bent to pick up the snacks from the ground. “Stuff like this is hard.”
Before she could find the words to answer him, his gaze went beyond her. His eyes widened. Nikolai blinked.
“Holy . . . Theresa?”
CHAPTER FOUR
Niko’s arms had been full of his former sister-in-law one moment and empty the next as Alicia stepped quickly out of his embrace. He barely had time to register that she’d been pressed against him before they both turned to face the tall, dark-haired woman who’d just come through the nursing home’s front doors. Niko hadn’t seen his former stepsister, Theresa, in . . . well, it had to be more than twenty years. Their parents had been together for about a year and a half, splitting as quickly and with as little fanfare as they’d gotten married. Theresa and her dad had moved out of the Sterns’ house and ended up in the next town over. Theresa had gone to a different high school. They hadn’t kept in touch.
It felt gross now, thinking of that—how once they’d been part of a family, and then it had ended, and they’d never even bothered to stay in contact. Heat prickled at the nape of his neck. Embarrassment. Theresa, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be holding a grudge.
“Niko,” she said warmly and hugged him.
Surprised, he returned the embrace. She’d grown taller. The last time he recalled being this close to her, he’d been giving her a knuckle rub on her head, arguing over what to watch on TV. Now she almost met him eye to eye.
Theresa turned from him to hug Allie. “Hey, you. It’s been a long time. Thanks so much for letting me know about this. How is she?”
“Fading,” Allie answered quietly. “They think it won’t be long now. Thanks for coming.”
Theresa gave them both a serious nod. “Of course. She was wonderful to me, and I’ve never forgotten it. I’m here if you need anything. I’m going to her room, if that’s all right?”
Watching Theresa go, Niko waited until she’d disappeared through the doors to the corridor leading to his grandmother’s room. He thought Allie would’ve followed, but when he turned, she was still there. She looked uncomfortable, her gaze going to the damp spot on the front of his shirt before cutting away.
“Ilya will be wondering where we are,” she said.
“Wait.” He snagged the sleeve of her lightweight sweater, not meaning to grab her but suddenly, strangely desperate to get her to stay. “How’ve you been?”
“All right.” Slipping gently from his grip, she took another drink from the bottle of soda and then put the cap back on. She gestured at the bags of snacks he hadn’t realized he was still gripping in one hand. “I’ll take the cake rolls.”
He handed them to her. “Your folks?”
“They’re good. Loving Arizona.” She tore open the plastic and offered him one of the pastries.
“No, thanks. I try to stay away from sugar.”
Alicia burst into laughter, and the warmth of it hit him in the hollow of his throat and someplace lower, between his ribs. “God, Nikolai. What the hell? Don’t tell me you’ve turned into some kind of . . . I don’t know. Health nut?”
“I wouldn’t say that. Just that when I’m traveling, it’s too easy to fill up on junk food, and you get to craving it. Then a lot of times when I’m out in places where you can’t find it . . . I didn’t want to miss it, that’s all. Easier to just give it up.” He gave her a small smile.
There’d been a lot of things like that in his life. Better to abandon than risk longing for them. He shrugged.
Her laughter faded, her eyes still glistening with tears. “Easier to give up something so you don’t have to miss it? That’s pretty deep.”
He hadn’t meant it to be, but he supposed it was, if you wanted to analyze it. He didn’t. He spent a lot of time trying to do the opposite of that sort of navel-gazing. It never did much good.
“Ilya never mentioned she was sick,” he said, to turn the conversation. “If I’d known . . .”
He trailed off, not sure what he’d meant to say. If he’d known—what? He wouldn’t have come home any sooner. He didn’t plan to stay long, either.
Alicia shook her head and bit into the soft cake. She chewed solemnly, then tossed it into the nearby garbage can with a grimace. “Gross. Stuff like that always looks so good until you get it, but it’s never as good as it looks.”