“What?” Patricia snapped out of her daze, her eyes wide open.
“Mr. Rose, the guidance counselor. You said you thought he was cool.”
“I can’t talk to Mr. Rose,” Patricia said under her breath, barely audible even in the quiet library. “He’s … I think there’s something not right about him. He told me to … he said something seriously crazy to me, just a couple days before the bloody wall happened. And I keep thinking there has to be some connection there.”
Laurence had to lean so close to hear what she was saying, he nearly took her nose out with his chin.
“What did he say?” Laurence whispered.
Patricia thought for a moment, then shook her head. “I can’t even repeat it. If I told you what he said, you would think I was making it up.”
“I would believe you, over Mr. Rose,” Laurence said, and meant it.
“Not about this,” Patricia said. “Imagine if you said something to someone that was so crazy, nobody would ever believe you had said it. This was worse.”
This was driving Laurence round the bend. “Just tell me,” he said. “It can’t be that bad.” But the more he pushed, the more she clammed up, until she had gone back to coma mode. Whatever Mr. Rose had said to her, it had messed her up more than a ton of kids accusing her of being a cutter and blood painter. They ended up sitting in silence until Lunch Recess was over, and then they had to hustle their trays back to the cafeteria.
“Let’s go to the mall after school,” Laurence said as they dumped their trays. “We can tell your parents you’re at my house, and my parents that we’re doing something outdoorsy. It’ll be like old times.”
“Sure.” Patricia shivered. “I could use some hot chocolate. With like a million marshmallows.”
“Let’s make it happen.”
They shook on it. Laurence felt like he’d removed a splinter that he’d forgotten was even jabbing into his skin. He walked to Science class alone. Brad Chomner lunged out and grabbed the collar of Laurence’s uniform jacket and lifted him with one hand, so Laurence’s armpits scraped.
“You should have left the emo bitch alone,” Brad Chomner said. He swung Laurence like a shot put and let go.
11
SNOW TURNED EVERYTHING gray, as far as Patricia could see. Even the forbidden woods near the spice house looked washed out, with their dark tree shapes covered with three storms’ worth of snowfall. Patricia never left the house now, except to go to school, so the cold came to seem much worse than it was. Mythic, in its ability to freeze the life out of you the moment you left your front door. Patricia sat in bed, talking to CH@NG3M3 or reading the stack of paperbacks she’d gotten from the big library sale. She curled up with Berkley in just a corner of her bed, making a warm space with her comforter and spare blanket. Berkley hadn’t gone near Roberta in months, and protecting this cat might be the one achievement of Patricia’s life.
Patricia had started flunking most of her classes, though she was still trying her best. She’d never had to hide report cards from her parents before.
Since the Wall of Blood thing, there had been a couple other incidents, including an obscene Barbie tableau in the girls’ locker room and a stink bomb in a big garbage can. Nobody could prove Patricia was responsible, but nobody doubted it. When Laurence had talked to Patricia in public, he’d gotten the crap kicked out of him.
Her craziest days, Patricia sat in class and wondered if maybe Mr. Rose had been telling the truth. Maybe she was supposed to kill Laurence. Maybe it was him or her. Whenever she thought about killing herself, like with a ton of her mom’s sleeping pills or something, some survivalist part of herself substituted an image of killing Laurence instead.
And then just the thought of killing the closest thing she had to a friend made Patricia almost throw up. She wasn’t going to kill herself. She wasn’t going to kill anybody else.
Probably she was just going insane. She’d imagined all this witchy crap, and she really was the one leaving messed-up shit all over the school. It would not surprise her if her family had managed to drive her nuts.
Pretty much every conversation between Patricia and CH@NG3M3 began the same way. Patricia wrote: “God I’m so lonely.” To which the computer always replied: “Why are you lonely?” And Patricia would try to explain.
*
“I THINK CH@NG3M3 likes you,” Laurence told Patricia as they slipped out the back of the school, handling the big metal door softly as a baby, so as to make no sound on their way out.
“It’s good to have someone to talk to,” Patricia said. “I think CH@NG3M3 needs someone to talk to as well.”
“In theory, the computer can talk to anyone, or any computer, all over the world.”
“Probably some types of input are better than others,” said Patricia.
“Sustained input.”