Kendall says it was the intense sex. That Josh got me to open up in a way Elliot never did. I can’t say she’s wrong.
Like a creeper, I stalked his blog all week, but that made me miss him more. Made me hide my phone at night so I wouldn’t be tempted to text or call.
Maybe it would be easier if he had written me off. If he hadn’t cared, hadn’t wanted more. But no. His blog entries this week were dark, moody posts of him in silhouette. No architecture. No cityscapes. Just his body, twisted in his crisp, white sheets sans captions, except for that one on the first night: “Missing her.”
And then there were the thousands of comments from women all over the globe offering themselves to him, telling him “She’s not worth it,” “Let me ease the pain,” or “Forget that cunt.” How people read that much into one lone caption was mind-boggling.
As his attorney, a part of me worried his stark posts would affect his brand and turn away his fans. If anything, though, it made his fan base more rabid, more vocal, to the point where his blog trended all week on Twitter. I have Kendall to thank for that factoid.
My dad taps on his iced tea with his fork, the sound of silverware on glass jarring me from my thoughts.
“You gonna eat your breakfast or just push it around your plate all morning?” he grumbles, a frown marring his otherwise handsome face.
“I’m eating.” I shovel in a bite of eggs and make a point to chew loudly so he can see the proof. A patron sitting at the table next to us gives me a weird look, and I close my mouth.
“Always a smart-ass.” My dad chuckles and runs his hands through his shaggy graying hair. “No idea where the hell you got that from.”
“Takes one to know one, Pops.” I muster a smile and force myself to try to enjoy a Saturday morning with my favorite person.
My dad doesn’t look like a dad. Not really. He’s in shape from more than two decades of being a firefighter, and he has that blue-collar silver fox thing going on that some girls love. I’ve always been close to my dad, so maybe that’s why the idea of going out with an older guy repulses me, but my friends always crushed on my old man. And I don’t miss the way our young waitress gives him the eye every time she stops by our table. Please, God, no.
Despite my best efforts to encourage my dad to find a nice woman his age to settle down with, he’s always been a bit of a loner. He’ll never admit that my mother destroyed his heart, but I think he’d rather have a bowel obstruction than put himself out there again. Yes, my dad felt so fucked over, he hasn’t had a significant relationship since she packed her bags and left us.
That’s a depressing thought.
I put my fork down, too tired to put any more effort into eating.
“You’ve lost weight.” He motions toward my plate. “You’ve hardly eaten anything. And every time someone walks by out there, you jump outta your skin. What’s going on?”
We’re sitting at a restaurant across from the park by my house, and I made the mistake of grabbing window seats. Whenever a runner streaks by, my heart sputters in my chest because, deep down, I’m hoping to catch a glimpse of Josh. Utterly and totally pathetic, I know.
Shrugging, I decide to come clean. “I was kind of seeing someone, but it didn’t work out.”
That gets me a deeper frown. “Some bum broke up with you? I didn’t even know you were dating someone.”
Shame flames my cheeks. Anyone who says talking to your dad about your love life is not embarrassing is a liar. It’s almost as bad as when I had to sneak maxi pads in our grocery cart growing up. “It was new, and I broke it off with him.” Unfortunately.
He grunts and grabs his coffee. “He probably wasn’t good enough for you anyway, sweet pea. Don’t lose sleep over a guy who isn’t worth it.”
“That’s just it. I think he is worth it. But it’s complicated.” So damn complicated.
“It’s better this way, being single while you’re young. If I could go back and do things over again, I’d tell myself to wait to get married. There’s no rush. You’ll get a little older, and you’ll figure out what you want, and then you can find a nice man who’ll take good care of you.”
I roll my eyes. I don’t need someone to take care of me. He knows this. But my father will always want me to be protected, and having a husband at some point down the road must check that box. However, that’s not the thorn my mind snags on.
“Dad, I’m not a kid anymore. I’m twenty-seven, so it’s not like I haven’t had any life experience. I somehow managed to go to law school on the other side of the country on my own, if you’ll recall. Besides, what’s wrong with being young and in love?”
“Don’t remind me about your time at Georgetown. The most stressful three years of my life.” He wipes his face with his hands, and I laugh. “And honey, there’s nothing wrong with falling in love when you’re young. Not really. But being in a serious relationship in your twenties can blow you off course. I know how a man’s mind operates. A guy could come along, get you pregnant and expect you to stay at home and take care of him, and then all of your dreams go down the drain. You’ve worked too hard to get to this point in your career.”
A brief flash of what my life with Josh could be like—having children, spending lazy weekends in the park chasing our wayward pets, renovating our house together—and that honestly sounds amazing. Would I stop working to do that? No, of course not. And Josh doesn’t seem like the kind of man to demand that of his wife.
Yeah, I’m not getting ahead of myself here.
I try to listen to my father, who is preaching the dangers of falling in love with the wrong person like the endeavor to love is a disease just waiting to lay waste to my hopes and dreams.
My dad never gave me grief about dating Elliot, but maybe he didn’t think we were serious. I suppose we weren’t if Elliot broke it off so easily.
I grab the salt shaker, twirl it on the table.
“Is that what happened to you and my mother? You made her give up her dreams?”
He snorts. “Nope. I gave that woman the world. At least the world I could afford, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy her.” He shakes his head, the rueful expression on his face making me regret bringing her up. “But you’re not that kind of girl. You’re the kind who makes a man feel special. I know because you’re always there for me. When I had that hernia operation, who made me dinner every single day for weeks? My sweet daughter. You have a good heart, Evie. I just don’t want to see you compromise what you want in life for someone who might not be worthy of it. My girl deserves a man who will love her like I loved your mother. Except you’re someone who will appreciate that devotion.”
Aww, Dad. I blink quickly to stop the sting in my eyes. Is Josh that man? And I’ve ruined everything?