I’d much rather have been doing a briefing with Serene and her team of Stealth Troubadours than what I was headed for, and Francine and Colette probably felt the same way. But instead we headed for the Cosmetology Room, where I got turned into the FLOTUS O’ Wonder. I comforted myself in the fact that, clearly, others before me had had to be gussied up for events, since there was a nice room assigned to this task that had existed before we’d arrived.
Vance had installed a TV in this room within the first week of his being my Chief of Staff, and Pierre already had it turned on. Seeing as it was early morning, we were watching Good Day USA! which had somehow become “our” morning show. Of course, if Good Day USA! was on, I was up far too early, but that was par for the course on big days like this.
Operation Fundraiser had started during my horrifically ill-conceived appearance on this show last year, and due to everything that had happened, the hosts had become part of our extended team.
Adam Johnson was a retired baseball player who could have passed as a relative of Gower’s—he was big, black, bald, handsome, and charismatic. He was a great guy and was, happily, fully human.
His cohost was a very pretty, perky Latina, Kristie Rodriguez, who was no longer fully human. No, Kristie was a cyborg, which was the current “in” robotics thing to have done for those with enough money, connections, and insanity.
Because this was how my life worked, both of them had had roles in Code Name: First Lady, the movie that Hollywood Quadruple Threat Jürgen Cologne had gotten made despite my better judgment and wishes. However, due to what had happened during my appearance on Good Day USA!, it had been a lot better to let Cologne do the movie than to lose his support. So, somehow, the “movie of my life” was going to be a summer tentpole coming out Memorial Day weekend. I wasn’t quite ready to start the Countdown To Doom, but I wasn’t going to be waiting too long to begin. I didn’t know whether to hope it bombed or succeeded, either.
Thankfully, it was January and that meant Code Name: First Lady was done filming and was in the editing and special effects stages, meaning I still had time to pretend I was normal and Adam and Kristie were back in the studio. Well, sort of. Reality said normal wasn’t anything near to what I was, and they were actually live at the scene, interviewing important people who were there for Jeff’s address.
So, while Akiko got me into my outfit so that Francine and I looked like we were still dressing like twins at far too advanced an age, we watched Adam and the Kristie-Bot chatting up Neil deGrasse Tyson about the historic event we were prepping for.
The perky enthusiasm on the screen was overpowering. I searched the audience for Dazzlers in Attendance—while I’d had to put a moratorium on the Dazzlers approaching Stephen Hawking because I didn’t want them to kill him with love, I hadn’t done so for anyone else, and Tyson tended to have a group of fangirl Dazzlers nearby at all times. His wife was also totally brainy and she had her own set of Dazzler fangirls, too. Basically, the Tysons were considered the Dazzler Celebrity Dream Couple.
Even though Tyson was in the middle of negotiations with the Galactic Council, he and those representatives who were visiting Earth were taking a break to hang out at Andrews Air Force Base, where the launch, and therefore Jeff’s address, were to take place.
I might have been Earth’s official Council representative but, despite most of my press, I wasn’t an idiot, and I’d tagged a number of influential people to help me, Tyson being only one of them. I’d actually gotten a lot of positive reactions to my ability to delegate. I was just glad that I wasn’t having to pretend to understand tremendously advanced physics on a daily basis. I was good at tossing in the word “quantum” when needed, but otherwise I was far better with figuring out how to circumvent Crazed Evil Genius plans than determining what part of our solar system any particular set of new aliens should move into.
Because this was how my world worked, we weren’t getting to actually hang out with one of the smartest guys in the world at the event—Tyson was in the Visiting Dignitaries Area, meaning he got good seats but no Presidential Face Time—but we were going to have the Kristie-Bot and Adam with us, literally, from the moment we arrived at Andrews. They and a few other press we liked were going to be basically shadowing Jeff the entire time. Of course, while they were press, they were also press we could trust, so that was one for the win column. And my personal smartest guy in the room—Charles Reynolds, my best guy friend since ninth grade and the current Director of the CIA—would be shadowing us, too, so it was better to have Tyson elsewhere, doing his brainy thing for the good of the Greater Cosmos.
Time for makeup and hair, while Vance and Colette talked at me. I was grateful when I had to close my eyes for eye shadow and such, because it meant I could better pretend I was taking all their information in instead of trying to hear what they were saying on Good Day USA! What they were saying was basically “wasn’t this just the coolest thing ever,” which, while nice, wasn’t exactly newsworthy.
The kids joined us during the second half of my eyes prep. “Mommy, can we go on a trip on the new spaceship?” Jamie asked.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetie. Uncle Brian will be taking that trip first.” Brian Dwyer was my old boyfriend from high school who was now an astronaut and married to Serene. He’d been the no-brainer choice for one of the Distant Voyager’s crew for a variety of reasons, many of which had happened during Operation Drug Addict.
“Going on vacation would be fun,” Lizzie said. “I used to do that a lot when . . .” Her voice trailed off and I opened my eyes, liner going on or no liner going on. Lizzie looked like she wished she’d kept her mouth shut and was about one syllable away from bursting into tears.
“Family vacations are a normal thing,” I said gently. “Even in abnormal families like ours.”
Lizzie relaxed and managed a little smile. “True enough.”
Pierre gently shoved me back into makeup position and I closed my eyes again. “So, let’s plan where we’ll go when Daddy has some free time he can fit in.”
“Not Camp David,” Lizzie said firmly.
Considering we’d had a triple attack the first time we’d set foot there, I was in wholehearted agreement. Operation Madhouse might have been a couple of years ago, but it was still very fresh in my mind. We hadn’t willingly gone back to Camp David since. Of course, Jeff hadn’t taken a day off, either. An actual vacation might be a really good idea.
Felt something in the air in front of me and opened my eyes again, ignoring the sighs heaved by Pierre, Vance, and Akiko. A Mickey Mouse figurine floated in front of my face. “Yes, Charlie, I agree that going to Disneyland would be a great choice.” I loved all things Disney, and if I could swing it, a week at DLand would be the best family vacation ever. Maybe we’d do Disneyland, Disneyworld, the Big Red Boat, and hit Paris and Tokyo DLands, too.