“How is this helping?” Jeff asked urgently.
Looked at him over my shoulder and gave him the “shut up” glare. “No, it doesn’t. Dude, use that big brain of yours. We’re from a different universe. In our universe, the Annocusal Royal Family are good guys. Spoken modestly, God love me, in no small part due to my interference and assistance, along with the interference and assistance of all the adults in this ship with me.”
“Adults? Do you have children on board?” Chuckie’s voice sounded tight.
“We do. Your godson, for one. Because, in my world, you’re my oldest friend and one of my two best guy friends. My version of you stayed behind at a solar system we’ve just befriended but my other best guy friend is with us. He’s named James Reader. No idea if he’s also on board whatever ship you’re on, but I’m willing to bet that he is.”
I’d seen this world in the three-way mirrors that had been created for me on the sentient metal moon Cradus so that I could have it on the ship with me and check on the various universes like I’d promised my daughter from another universe I would. I’d learned how to use them during my first universe switch, when I’d gone to Bizarro World.
While the others with me, other than Algar, probably had no idea where we were, I did—we were in the Steampunk Universe. And I knew there was a version of me here, because I’d seen her, and Chuckie, Reader, and, most importantly, Jamie.
“You sound like spies,” Chuckie said, though I heard the uncertainty. “This isn’t a battle, it’s a planning meeting. And it would be the best place for spies to sneak in.”
“Stupid spies, sure. Dude, if we were spying on you, we sure as hell wouldn’t have chosen this way to show up on your metaphorical doorsteps.”
“Maybe. Maybe this is your gambit—that you come to us with some bizarre story so we trust you.”
“I get the concern, but we’re not trying to Trojan Horse you guys. We didn’t actually plan to be here, it just happened. When this kind of crap perpetrates itself on me, that usually means that wherever I’m going needs my special form of crazy to save the day.”
“I don’t follow you.”
“So few ever do. Look, my daughter, Jamie, is also on board the ship with us. Why don’t you do everyone a solid and go find your Jamie and ask her if we’re enemies or not.”
“A what? What do you mean by a solid?”
“Wow. Learning each other’s slang is going to be the issue, isn’t it? A solid means a favor. In our world. As in, do all of us one and get Jamie, pronto if not sooner.”
Silence.
“Baby, seriously, what are you doing?” Jeff asked quietly.
“We’re clear that we’ve changed universes now,” Gower added. “Because we’re not stupid.”
“So, totes don’t feel obligated to explain it,” Lizzie said from the cheap seats. “Even Charlie and the pets are clear on the sitch.”
“Geez, everyone’s a critic. I’ve seen this world before. I exist here, so do Chuckie, James, and Jamie. I have no idea who else is here or isn’t, but if we’re talking to who I’m prepared to swear is Charles Reynolds, then his version of Jamie is there, somewhere.” Because I’d seen her, on a ship like the one that was moving toward us. It was the only ship that reminded me of the Distant Voyager. In fact, it reminded me of the Distant Voyager very much, only the Distant Voyager was still brand-spanking new and this ship looked ancient. Lovingly cared for, but still, old as dirt.
Looked down at Algar, who contrived to look innocent. Yeah, I wasn’t buying it. He’d been here before, of that I was certain.
The viewscreen went live and sure enough, there were people I recognized. They weren’t dressed anything like us, but they were us, or at least some of us.
Jamie was in front of Chuckie, who was standing next to this world’s version of Reader. Both men were in leather pants and boots and brown shirts that were sort of like button-downs and sort of not.
Chuckie had on what looked like a leather lab coat with about a zillion pockets, all full of something, that just about hid the gunbelt and laser pistol. He had interesting goggles with a ton of lenses and levers shoved up onto his forehead and what looked like a porkpie hat on the back of his head. He was also wearing black gloves.
Reader was in a leather duster that had its pockets and guns on the inside and he, too, was wearing gloves. He had a cowboy hat on, albeit not a ten-gallon one. As with anything and everything else and any and every other universe, Reader looked ready for the runway.
That they also looked ready for a version of the Wild West while hanging out in space was a conundrum I’d ask about once we weren’t wondering if they and the rest of the fleet of ships around us were going to try to blast us to smithereens.
This world’s Jamie was in high boots and what looked like a leather romper, with a big bow on the top of her head, just like Minnie Mouse, only pink, not red with white polka dots. So some things were universal—in any universe, Jamie loved the color pink. She, too, was wearing gloves, which I could see because she waved at us. “I’m so glad you finally got here.”
My Jamie shoved into my lap. Chose not to ask how she’d gotten unstrapped and away from everyone else—all twelve of us in here were pretty focused on the situation at hand, and the animals were never going to tell Jamie not to do something unless it was dangerous for her health and safety.
“I’m glad we’re here, too,” my Jamie said. “Can you make Mommy calm down and stop getting ready to shoot us?” Knew without asking that she didn’t mean me.
Steampunk Jamie nodded. “I’m trying.” She looked up at Chuckie. “Daddy, you need to make Mommy calm down.”
“I can hear them, too, sweetheart,” Chuckie said. He picked her up and hugged her. “I’ll do what I can.” He handed her to Reader.
Who hugged her and kissed her head. He looked at us suspiciously. “Charles may be willing to believe you, but I’m not.”
“Yet,” Steampunk Jamie said. “But, Daddy, I promise, they’re here to help us.”
“Daddy?” Jeff said. “She just called Chuck daddy.”
Chuckie returned with this world’s version of me. She was dressed in leather pants, had two ray guns strapped to her hips, and was wearing a rather jaunty bowler hat that had goggles on it that were grandiose but still couldn’t hold a candle to the ones Chuckie was sporting. She had on a shirt with a leather corset over it, knee-high boots, and a sword strapped to her back. Like the others, she was wearing gloves.
Chuckie’s arm was already around her waist and they joined Jamie and the guy I was now going to think of as James, just to make it easier on my brain. She put her other arm around his waist as she gave her Jamie a kiss.
“Wow, girlfriend,” Reader said. “You look badass in Steampunk-wear.”