“Come out, Girton,” she said in a low voice. “Step around the animals, if you move slowly and calmly they will not harm you.”
I pushed up the gate which had kept me safe and squeezed out through the opening, letting it down gently behind me so it did not bang and startle the hounds. Then I made my way between the dogs, slow-dancing a path that kept me as far from the animals as possible. When I was near her my master took my hand and led me out. After she had shut the door behind us she reached out, putting her hand on my cheek.
“You are safe now.”
“They would have killed me, Master. Someone wanted me dead.”
“They would not have killed you, Girton. Those are manhunters, trained to hold down a capture, not kill it. You would have recognised the breed if you had stopped to think.”
“Then someone wanted me scared.” I realised I was shaking.
“And they succeeded.” She put her hands on my shoulders and we stood like that until I had control of myself again. “Do you know who did this?”
“No.” I turned away. Slumped by the door was the body of a guard. “They set a guard? You killed him?”
“Of course not. You think I would announce our presence to the whole castle? I used the Tired Forgetting and sprinkled wine on him. He’ll wake with a terrible headache and not want anyone to know about it.”
I knelt by the man.
“What are you doing, Girton?”
“Remembering his face, Master. Someone must have set him to guard me and when he wakes I intend to find out who.” I stared at the man, committing his pocked face to memory. “How did you know to come for me?”
“I came to find you after training. When I could not I found one of the squires, Rufra. He said you were sent to feed the dogs.”
“Literally.”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Girton. Go and change your clothes. You are filthy and it will do you good to be rid of the smell of dogs.”
“I know,” I said sullenly and made my way back to the castle to change. Once that was done I decided to make good on my promise to myself and visit the stables.
In the stables I was greeted by the familiar smell of mounts—dung and warm fur, it was a comforting sop to my earlier fear. Drusl was running a brush down the centre aisle, pushing a stream of acrid mount piss down the intricate floor mosaic of a half-naked woman on mountback.
“Blessed,” she said, keeping her eyes downcast like a slave.
“Drusl, please. Call me Girton. I am the youngest and least important son of my family.” The lies slipped so easily from my mouth. “I am hardly a blessed; there is no need to avert your eyes.”
“I cannot call you by your name. If Leiss hears he will think … Well, he will be jealous.”
“Oh.” Something within me died a little. “You and him are …”
“Dead gods no,” she said and looked up. It was the strangest thing. If you had asked me at that moment I would have said there was some connection between us, something past the simple attraction I felt. It was like her presence created a physical pull that was centred on my chest. “Leiss would like me to be with him.” The sense of being linked vanished, leaving me thinking I had imagined it. Her voice became very quiet. “Though sometimes I think he hates me.” She shrugged and changed the subject. “Have you come to see your mount?” she asked, walking towards Xus’s stall. “He is well cared for; you do not need to come and check on him.”
“Oh,” I said. Something within me fluttered. “You do not want me to come?”
“No, not at all.” She shook her head and a shy smile crept across her face. “I welcome your visits. Too few of the blessed of the castle take a real interest in their mounts.” We slipped into Xus’s stall and the great beast huffed at me. “He is a gentle creature once you know him, isn’t he?” she said.
There are many words I could use to describe Xus but “gentle” has never been one of them. Maybe Drusl would change her mind if she ever saw a corpse skewered on the mount’s antlers.
“Yes,” I said, and ran my hand along the animal’s flanks.
Drusl looked up at me. She seemed so small and delicate, her eyes huge.
“He is a very fine beast,” she said, but she was not looking at Xus. Then she put out her hand and rubbed the animal’s velvety muzzle. I put out my hand and laid it on top of hers as I had to introduce her to Xus. It felt like the bravest thing I had ever done, to make the presumption that this pretty girl could possibly have an interest in me, Girton the club-footed minor son of a faraway house. Girton the liar.
Drusl did not move her hand, and again, it was as if an invisible link existed that joined us in some way I could not understand but it felt as real as the mount stood by us.
“Drusl?” Leiss shouted her name into the stable, breaking the spell. Our hands shot back to our sides.
“I am with Xus and his master,” she shouted. “He wished to check the animal was stabled correctly.”
“Of course he is,” said Leiss. “We look after ’em. Even an evil-tempered beast like that one.”
I disliked Leiss, but I recognised more of the Xus I knew in his description of the mount.
“Good,” I said, stepping out of the stall and attempting to appear imperious and blessed. “He seems in good condition. I am pleased.”
Leiss stared at me. “Good,” he said slowly.
“I think you mean, good, Blessed,” I said. Behind him I saw Drusl hide a smile.
“Good, Blessed,” said Leiss through gritted teeth.
“Thank you. I will return tomorrow,” I said, turning and walking away as Drusl let out a stifled giggle.
“Those stalls need mucking out, girl,” shouted Leiss. I heard Drusl say, “Yes, Leiss,” and had to fight not to look back. The strangest thing was that the further I went from the stables the less sure I became of what had happened in there. With Drusl I had felt sure she liked me, that she didn’t care about me having a club foot, saw past that and found some worth in who I was. But as I walked through the swiftly growing tent city of Festival I started to doubt. What had seemed an obvious connection, me putting my hand on hers, became a simple act between rider and groom. She had shown me before how to introduce her to Xus, was that all it was? All that had happened? And when she had said, “He is a very fine beast,” I had felt sure that was meant for me. But Xus really was a fine beast. Maybe she only talked of Xus; maybe my ears heard what they wanted to hear rather than what had been said. I had left the stables feeling like I could take to the air but by the time I re-entered the keepyard gate I was firmly attached to the ground. The world once again became a dark and impossible place in which I was a very small part.
Chapter 9
I spent the afternoon with priests.