I shook my head. I knew he had to focus on his family, but I just wanted to know he was okay. If that was even a possibility.
“That game last night caught some footage of him having words with his dad. They cut from the scan fast, but there was a glimpse. The conversation seemed heated.”
I had wondered if the television had seen that. If so, this news was going to come out soon with this gossip to go behind it. “Yeah” was all I said.
“You can’t help unless you’re asked. Just be there when he needs you.”
That was what I was trying to do. But it was hard when you heard nothing from him.
“Chick-chick!” Bryony yelled and slapped her tray.
“Looks like someone was hungry,” Mom said, reaching over to put more chicken on Bryony’s tray.
“Say thank you,” I reminded her.
“Tank ooo,” she said, then began shoveling the chicken in her mouth.
“She must have played hard at the park,” Mom said, smiling as she watched her.
“Oh yes. Always.”
We ate a little more in silence. Dad was working on the car and said he’d come eat once he had it fixed. Grandmamma was taking a nap. So it was just us three.
“Grandmamma has a doctor’s appointment on Monday. I’ll stay home and take her. That should give you extra time to do schoolwork.”
“I’m ahead already. At this rate I’ll graduate by March.”
Mom took a sip of her sweet tea. “You still planning on getting you and Bryony a place of your own somewhere? Or do you think y’all might stay here now that Lawton is accepting you?”
I didn’t know. Not anymore.
Leaving here had been all I could think about. Now I wasn’t so sure. Brady had changed that. Yes, he’d be leaving soon, but he had managed to make this place feel like home again. Maybe not completely, but enough.
“I’m not sure yet,” I told her. “I didn’t expect things to take the turn they did. Gunner talked to me last night. He was nice. Friendly. West was there too, and it was almost if I hadn’t left. Except we have all changed. For the better.”
Mom smiled. “Age will do that to you. Change is still coming. This is just the beginning.”
I was good with the change so far. But change was always scary. The future wasn’t always exciting.
*
My phone lit up at midnight, and the only reason I noticed was because I hadn’t been able to sleep worrying about Brady.
Can you come outside?
Finally. A text from him. The fact that it was at midnight would annoy me if I weren’t so relieved. It hadn’t been a good day for him. That I already knew without talking to him.
I got out of bed and tucked the pillows around Bryony’s little body so she wouldn’t miss my warmth. Then I slipped on my flip-flops and went quietly down the hall and out of the house.
Brady’s truck was parked with his lights off in the driveway. It was cold, and I was wishing I’d grabbed a jacket. Hurrying, I ran out to his truck and climbed inside, glad to find it warm from the heater he’d been running.
“Hey,” I said as I shivered.
“Sorry it’s so late,” he replied. His voice sounded hollow. Much like a little boy who had lost his favorite action figure.
“I wasn’t asleep.”
He turned to me. “I helped Mom pack Boone’s things up today. We put them outside by the garage for him to pick up. His clothes, boots, shaving supplies, the tie I gave him for Christmas when I was ten years old, the book about great dads I gave him for Father’s Day when I was thirteen, all of it. Every memory was packed up and taken out of the house. Maggie took down all the family photos he was in and packed them away. I had her put them up in the attic space left in my room. It was a quiet day. We didn’t talk much. Just cleared Boone’s stuff out like he was dead. In a way he is. The man I knew is gone. In his place is this impostor that I hate.”
I thought about how I would feel if that were my dad. If he’d hurt my mother like that. And me. Would I be able to pack him away and send him off? My chest hurt just thinking about it. Even if he did something that horrible I’d love him. I didn’t think he could do something to make me hate him like that. Maybe I was wrong.
“She’s cried a lot today. She tried to hide it, but she would walk away and close herself off in the bathroom. I could hear her crying. I wanted to put my fist through a wall at the sound of her sobs. Knowing the man she trusted and loved did that to her.”
He was worried about his mom. I loved my mom too. Finding her hurt and upset like that would kill me. If I were in his shoes, I might be able to hate what my dad had done. I wasn’t sure, and I hoped I never had to find out.
“How are you?” I asked him. He’d told me about his mother, but he hadn’t said how he was feeling.
“Broken. Different. He changed me. He changed us all.”
I slid over to sit beside him, and this time it was my hand that covered his. “Tonight at dinner we were talking about how things were changing for me here. Mom said with age we change. There is more to come. This isn’t a good change or an easy one, but it’s part of your life, and you control how it affects you. Your father can’t control you.”
He flipped his hand over, and his fingers threaded through mine. We sat there, me looking at him and him looking straight ahead out the window, lost in his thoughts. I wondered how Maggie was handling this, but it didn’t seem appropriate to ask that. Not now.
“I don’t want to go home. It hurts too much. But I can’t stay away because they need me there. With Boone gone, I’m the man now. That’s a responsibility I wasn’t ready for either.”
Something else I understood all too well. When Bryony was placed in my arms, I was an adult suddenly. Life turned and I was terrified.
“Those things that terrify us can make us stronger and become something beautiful. When I had Bryony, I was more scared than I’d ever been. She was a living, breathing human and I was in charge of her life. Keeping her alive, taking care of her. In a second my world turned on its axis, and I thought I’d never make it. I would fail. But I didn’t. And I wouldn’t give her up for the world. The person she made me is strong, brave, and I love who I have become.”
He squeezed my hand. “Thank you. I forget when I’m in that house that I’m not the only person on earth to go through something so difficult. I think it’s all on me. No one’s done it before. But you did something much harder. My mom is an adult and Maggie is seventeen. Taking care of them is nothing like being handed a baby to protect.” He paused and looked at me. “If this makes me half the person you are, I’ll be thankful. The hate I have may actually fade to disappointment. I want your strength.”
He was stronger than he realized. We all were. When faced with something like this, we found the strength inside us that we hadn’t needed to use before. It was being brave enough to use it that made the difference. Finding an easy escape or running from it didn’t make it go away. Facing it head on, knowing you could withstand it and overcome it, was what made you tough enough to live life.
We Can Survive This
CHAPTER 48