‘My guess is that Justin was quite a serious fellow? Not lots of fun?’
‘He’s not a joker or a person who likes to be the centre of attention. Though he’s definitely got a sense of humour. But he isn’t one of these people who freewheels through life. He tends to take all the wrongs of the world on board and act like it’s his obligation to fix them, and that can be tiring at times. Sometimes, even when he was supposedly having fun, I sensed he was play-acting, maybe because he wanted to appear that way, but he knew he wasn’t that way.’ I shrug. ‘He’d probably be really offended if he knew I thought that.’
‘Well, maybe you need someone a bit more happy-go-lucky next time.’
I close my eyes to the sun again. ‘Urgh! I don’t want to think about next times.’
We sit for a while, then take a stroll. ‘Are they ever coming back?’ I ask of Eddy and the gardener, whom we can no longer spot.
‘Sometimes, he takes longer when he knows Eddy’s really enjoying it.’
‘That’s sweet.’ It’s charming how everyone likes Eddy so much. ‘I’ve been thinking that I need to see Lisa,’ I say, out of the blue. I glance at Evelyn, sideways. ‘You know? Like how you wanted to see Eddy’s wife?’
‘Why?’ Evelyn asks. ‘What are your real reasons for that?’
I think for a moment. ‘I suppose I just feel there’s this need to look at her and have her look at me – for us both to somehow confront what’s happened. Maybe because they’re all off there in their own corner, and then there’s me, over here. He wasn’t just a passing boyfriend. He was my husband! And I just feel like there needs to be a conversation . . . Is that entirely bonkers?’
‘Not entirely. But I’m not sure a conversation would be very productive, or would end well. I think if you want to see her, it should be for closure, to help you move on. To sort of see them and make them real. Remember, that’s why I did it – to help me walk away. Though there’s no guarantee it will help, not when it comes to the erratic tug of our emotions. I thought I’d walked away when I went back to London after our week together. But when Eddy’s letter came, all that went out of the window.’
We stand and contemplate one another. The sun suddenly beams its brilliance on us, and we are caught in a moment that Edward Hopper would have rendered in vibrant simplicity and colour. After a weighted pause, I say, ‘What a life we lead! Well, some of us, anyway!’ I think of Sally and how uncomplicated her love life is, with its long-time marriage that I used to think must be tediously dull. Perhaps I am a little envious of her, after all.
‘You know what I realised a very long time ago?’ Evelyn says.
‘I love hearing all the things you’ve realised, Evelyn!’
‘Anyone who judges us secretly envies us. Anyone who thinks they’ve done it all better than we have is lying to the one person we should never, ever, lie to – themselves.’ She smiles. ‘To finish what we were saying about Lisa, though, if you do go to see her, just remember why you’re doing it. Not out of hurt and anger or a self-pity trip. Not to get him back, but to let him go.’
‘Crazily, I still think he’s going to change his mind and come back. That he wrote that note in a state of shock, and that he’s still in shock, but that it will pass and his love for me will float back up to the top of his priorities. I just have this hunch that when I am least expecting it, he’ll phone or send a text and want to see me . . .’
‘You should set you sights on someone else now, Alice. On someone like . . .’ She stops, then says, ‘Michael!’
For a moment, I think Evelyn’s telling me to set my sights on Michael, then I realise she’s said his name because he’s walked through the door.
‘Oh!’ I laugh, and put a hand over my mouth. He gives me a very suspicious look indeed.
‘Wow. I’ve never seen anyone so happy to see me, except my uncle’s dog.’
I beam at him. ‘Your timing was impeccable. But you’ll never know why.’
‘Alice is just relieved to see a male who isn’t on oxygen,’ Evelyn says, and gives him a small, tight hug.
Michael gazes across the lawn. ‘Are they still out there? Do we need a search party?’
‘I hope your lawn man doesn’t charge by the hour,’ I tell him.
Michael’s eyes smile. ‘Okay, girls, let’s go put the kettle on.’
Much later, as we walk back to Evelyn’s flat, where my car is parked, I catch myself in a state of reflection about our afternoon. ‘Michael’s nice, isn’t he?’
‘And he’s not taken. At least, not that I know of.’
‘Nice and single? Hmm . . . Sounds like two good reasons to steer clear!’
We arrive back at the door to her flat. ‘I’ve had a wonderful day, seeing you again,’ Evelyn says, and she kisses me.
‘Likewise.’ More than you can know.
She scrutinises my face. Then she places a tiny little warm finger under my chin, and lifts it. ‘Why so glum suddenly?’
She’s amazingly perceptive. ‘Oh! I don’t know . . . Because I’m going back to that lonely flat? I suppose, I have my moments where I think, How am I ever going to put this behind me?’ But funnily enough, as I say it, I hear a voice inside me telling me that I will. Is it Sally’s? Evelyn’s? No, I think. It’s mine. Rhetorical. Almost progress.
‘You will, Alice.’ Evelyn grasps my upper arms. ‘You have lost something, but you will find something – possibly even someone – in his place. I promise.’
‘We’re not talking about Michael again, are we?’
Evelyn smiles. ‘Well, not all love has to be grandly romantic love. You just think that because you’re still so young.’
‘I’m not that young. At least, not to me!’
She opens her bag, and takes something out. ‘I wanted to give you this earlier,’ she says. She’s holding another small envelope. She looks quite solemn.