“What are you doing here, Jack?”
“I came to apologize.”
“For what?” I held my breath.
“For lying to you. For breaking things off. For being a coward.” He grimaced. “You were right. I was afraid of what I was starting to feel. Of what it meant.”
Hope was exploding like fireworks inside me. “What did it mean?”
“It meant letting go of things—my past, my guilt, my pain—and giving myself permission to move on. I wasn’t ready to feel that way about myself. And I probably still wouldn’t if I hadn’t met you.” His eyes skittered across the room again, and he swallowed. “Margot, I have so many things I want to say to you, but I’m not very good in a crowd.”
“Then let’s get out of here.”
He frowned. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do that—if this is important to you, then it’s important to me.”
“Jack, there is nothing more important to me right now than hearing what you have to say.”
Relief eased his features. “OK.”
“I have some things to say too.”
He looked tense again.
“Follow me. We’ll find a quiet place to sit down.” My heart thumped wildly as I led him out of the room.
We held hands as we walked down the promenade and through galleries, searching for the right spot. Finally we found an empty room with a bench in the center, and I let Jack lead me to it. It was dimly lit to protect the art, and the deep red walls made it seem warm and romantic. The butterflies in my stomach were out of control, and I had to remind myself to stay calm. He was saying the right things, but was he really ready to be with me?
Jack kept my hand in his as we sat, and he looked down at our fingers laced together on his lap. “You got a tattoo?” He held my arm up and angled it so he could read the words. “It’s beautiful. I love it.”
“Thank you. I do too.”
“What prompted that?”
“I decided you were right. It was time to stop worrying about what other people think. I was tired of being afraid of what people would say if I did something different.”
He nodded slowly and he lowered my arm and took my hand again. “What did Muffy say?”
“She thinks I’m crazy.”
He met my eyes and we both smiled. Some of my doubt dissipated. This feels so good. Please let it be real.
“You know, it’s funny you decided I was right about something,” he said. “I’ve been wrong about most everything.” He looked down at our hands for a moment, stroked the back of mine with his thumb. “You were right. That night in the cabin.” His eyes met mine. “I did feel something for you.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“I’d started to feel so much for you that it scared me. I felt like I was losing control, like I was losing myself. I panicked. Retreated. Tried to put up walls. But…” He lifted his shoulders. “It was too late.”
“It was?”
“Yes. What I felt didn’t go away just because I tried to shut you out. I didn’t feel stronger or more in control after you left. Hurting myself was one thing, but hurting you made me feel cruel and weak. I felt like I’d crushed something frail and young and beautiful that couldn’t fight back.”
“That’s exactly what you did.” He needed to know how I felt too. “And all I could do was watch. I felt something for you. I felt something between us. But what could I do? I asked you to take a chance on me, and you said no. Twice!” My nose tingled and I fought against tears.
Jack shook his head, his eyes full of pain. “I’m sorry, Margot. I hated myself for saying no. I wanted to say yes so badly. I missed you constantly. I kept thinking about the way I felt when I was with you. I imagined what my life would be like with you in it, and I agonized over the choice I’d made to be alone.” He closed his eyes briefly. “Finally, I realized how stupid I was being. How wrong I’d been to walk away from you. How much I wanted to give you that chance you asked for.” He took both my hands in his and squeezed tight. “I came here hoping you’d still be willing to give me one.”
My fears were unraveling, but I had to ask. “How do I know you’re serious now? How do I know you’re not going to panic and put up walls again?”
He squeezed my hand. “You don’t. That’s a chance you’ll have to take on me. But I’m begging you to take it.”
I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “You’re ready? To move on, I mean?”
He nodded, looked me right in the eye. “Yes. In the last few weeks, I’ve made some really good progress.”
“Like what?”
“I went back to therapy. I cleaned out the cabin. And I said goodbye,” he finished quietly.
I knew what he meant, and it made me smile through tears.
He smiled too. “I want a new start, Margot. And I want you there with me. Say you’ll give me a chance.”
“Oh, Jack,” I said softly. “That’s all I ever wanted. I know I can’t be your first love, but—”