And now she could add or kissed like their lives depended on it to the list.
But mostly what she remembered when she thought about that night was how alone she’d been. Alone, scared, and cornered in that old park . . . And Archer had seen her that way. No wonder he didn’t want her. To him, she was nothing but that little girl. All the maturing and growing up she’d done, the success she’d had, none of it could erase that horrifying first impression she’d made.
And as always happened when she thought about it, the bottom fell out of her stomach. She swallowed hard and shook her head. “You weren’t responsible for me, Archer. I was there of my own accord. What happened was my fault. Everything that happened that night was my fault.”
“And yet you’ve never forgiven me for it,” he said.
Her heart squeezed so hard she had to close her eyes and take a long, deep breath and a moment to try to get herself together. She couldn’t believe he thought that. “It wasn’t you I had to forgive. It was myself.”
When he didn’t speak, she opened her eyes.
But just like that long-ago night, she was alone.
Four nights later, after several long days of work and hours and hours of homework in her office, Elle finally followed her stomach downstairs and across the courtyard, the goal being the pub for some of Finn’s famous chicken wings and a tall glass of something with a good kick.
She’d gotten a text from Finn that tonight was country night. Her concession to a costume was switching out her heels for some pretty cowboy boots and adding a cowboy hat and a belt that proclaimed her a Rebel on the silver belt buckle.
She hadn’t spoken to Archer since the Kiss Debacle. And although she hadn’t run into him, he’d made plenty of appearances in her dreams and he hadn’t walked away from her in those. In fact, just thinking about all the things he’d done to her in the deep dark of her fantasy world always made her break out in a sweat.
She could only imagine what would happen if they were ever stupid enough to try to swallow each other’s tonsils again. Her vagina might actually go up in flames . . .
But they wouldn’t be stupid enough for that. Or at least he wouldn’t. After all, he’d been the one to put the brakes on. And he’d not even looked back.
Which made that the second time. She didn’t usually keep score but she really needed to remember that the next time he appeared behind her eyelids in the night. He wasn’t right for her. And he was never going to be right for her.
Ever.
And if that thought hurt, she shoved it away, shoved it deep. She was good at that, real good. She’d shoved deep lots of bad before. Such as giving up on ever having anything that resembled a “normal” family. She’d never known her dad and she’d walked away from her mom a long time ago. She’d had to do the same with her sister, although that one had been a lot harder and still haunted her.
So Archer not wanting her? Right in her wheelhouse.
Halfway across the courtyard, she ran into Kylie standing at the fountain. She stood there in skinny jeans that emphasized her toned, petite body. She had a tear in one knee and another across her opposite thigh, was wearing a tool belt and a fleece-line leather bomber jacket, and was looking both incredibly feminine and badass at the same time.
Elle loved the look, although she thought Kylie could use a little lip gloss. Not to please a man or anything like that. Just because she seemed pale today and needed a little color.
Kylie blew out a sigh like the day had been hard and long, and shoved back her long, wavy brunette hair, leaving a streak of sawdust in it.
“Um,” Elle said, pointing to it but Kylie waved her hand like she didn’t care. She had her little rescue pup, Vinnie, on a bright blue leash at her side. Four months ago he’d been all head and ears, small enough to fit into her pocket.
He was still all head and ears, and might still grow up to be either a very big rat or a French Bulldog. It was anyone’s guess.
In any case, Vinnie was wearing a bolo tie—clearly ready for country night at the pub. He looked up at her, his warm brown eyes dancing with the kind of excitement for life only a dog could muster.
“You look very handsome, cowboy,” she told him.
Vinnie panted happily and melted to the cobblestones to expose his kibbles and bits.
“Just like a man,” Elle said on a laugh but dutifully bent down to scratch his belly. She looked up at Kylie. “You’re staring down that water like it’s your mortal enemy. What gives?”
Kylie shrugged. “It’s going to sound pretty stupid to you.”
“Try me.”
“Okay,” Kylie said. “I’m trying to decide if I trust love enough to actually wish for it.” She revealed the quarter in her palm.
“Is that what you’re doing out here?” Elle asked. “You’re trying to get the balls together to wish for love?”
“Well, yeah.” Kylie looked at her. “Both Pru and Willa found love as a direct result of their wishing.”
“You really believe that?”
Kylie bit her lower lip, watching as Willa and Keane came out of the stairwell holding hands as they made their way through the wrought-iron gate to the street and vanished. “I want to believe.” She looked at Elle. “You really don’t ever feel tempted?”
Maybe for a teeny-tiny second . . . but she was over that now, not that she’d ruin someone else’s dream. “I don’t know. But I do know this—I wouldn’t want to have to wish for it. If it were to happen, I’d want it to happen organically.”
Kylie blinked at her. “Wow. I didn’t see that coming from you. You’re a closet romantic.”
Elle hadn’t seen that coming either, but it was unfortunately true. She let out a low laugh and shook her head. “In the end, it doesn’t matter what I think. It’s what you think that really matters.” She took the quarter from Kylie’s hand and tossed it into the water. “Bring Kylie true love,” she told the fountain. She looked at Kylie. “There. It’s out of your hands now. It’s done.”
Kylie flashed a grin. “Because you’ve deemed it so?”
“That’s right.”
Kylie shook her head, still smiling. “Does the whole world always do exactly as you command?”
She got that question a lot. “When it knows what’s good for it,” she quipped.
Kylie smiled. “So are you going to laugh at me if I say I really want to believe the wish will come true?”
“Well, not to your face,” Elle said. “Are you hungry? Because I need Finn’s chicken wings in the worst possible way and you don’t even want to know how badly I need a drink to go with them.”
“Yes,” Kylie said fervently.
“Okay, then. But first . . .” Elle pulled as much of the sawdust from Kylie’s hair as she could.