“Well, you know –”
“Hush, stop worrying about me,” he says. “I’m good. Better now, actually. I feel like I can get up and dance.”
“Bullshit,” I laugh. “And it's kinda hard not to worry about you when you're in a hospital bed with a damn hole in your leg.”
“I'll be fine.” His voice is low and tender. “As long as you're by my side, I'll be just fine.”
I'm so caught up in the emotion of the moment, that I'm avoiding reality. And the reality is that I'm holding a secret. A secret that could turn this whole situation – and my life – completely upside down. And as much as it terrifies me to acknowledge it, I know I can't keep sitting on it.
My heart is jackhammering in my chest and adrenaline courses through me. I know I need to say it. I need to tell him. Before we make things official, Brayden should have all the facts. And this is one big thing to keep secret.
If we're going to make this kind of commitment to each other, it needs to be with openness and honesty. All cards should be on the table. No secrets. And although I know Brayden would never hurt me, his rejection would be more bitter and hurtful than physical violence could ever be.
I have no idea how he feels about children. We've never talked about it. But, I know that if we're going to be together, he needs to be okay with them. He needs to want them. I'm not going to give this child up. I'm going to raise it. On my own – if I have to. Though, I hope it's with Brayden by my side.
I've never been more scared in my life. Which, all things considered, says a lot.
“What is it?” he asks me, his head cocked, his eyes shining with curiosity.
“I have something to tell you,” I say, drawing in a deep breath. “And I'm not sure how you're going to take it.”
Brayden looks at me with the same inquisitive look on his face. “You're not going to tell me you're married to somebody else, are you?”
I laugh, more to relieve tension than because what I think he said is actually funny. My body is taut with fear. Iron bands of anxiety wrap themselves tightly around my heart. It’s hard to breathe. Brayden puts his fingers under my chin and gently raises my head until I'm looking him in the eye.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” he says softly. “And we'll figure it out. Together.”
There really is no other way to smooth it over or make the news any less shocking, so I do the only thing I can – I open my mouth and blurt it out.
“I'm pregnant,” I say, cringing as the words fall out of my mouth.
He recoils a bit and I see his eyes widen with both surprise and fear. “Pregnant?” he asks, his voice sounding stunned. “H – how? I mean, we used –”
I shake my head. “One of them obviously failed,” I say. “You're the only man I've –”
He holds up a hand, a gentle smile on his face. “I'm not doubting you,” he says. “Or saying that it's not mine. I'm just – I guess I'm just shocked. I thought we were careful.”
“Nothing is ever one hundred percent,” I say.
A small grin touches his lips. “True enough,” he says and then he looks away, a strange, almost reverent expression on his face. “Pregnant. Wow.”
“I mean, just so you know,” I stammer, “I'm not expecting anything from you. I don't want you to feel trapped or think that I expect you to –”
He turns to me and puts a finger to my lips. “You done?”
My eyes widen, and my heart continues to beat a staccato rhythm in my chest. There are a million different thoughts racing to get out of my mouth all at the same time – rendering me speechless. All I can do is nod, grit my teeth, and wait for the inevitable. I brace myself, fearing the rejection I’m certain is coming, trying to keep my heart from shattering into a million pieces.
“It's unexpected,” he says softly. “To say the least.”
“Yeah,” is all I can manage to croak out.
“I'd never thought of myself as a father before,” he says. “Never thought I would be good father material.”
“You're a good man, Brayden.”
An inscrutable expression crosses his face. “That doesn't mean I’ll be a good father.”
I nod, feeling the curtain coming down on us. “I understand, Brayden,” I say. “And I don't –”
“That doesn't mean I don't want to try,” he says. “I want to be a better man, Holly. You've showed me that. I want to be a better man for me and for you. For us. And now, for our child.”
I raise my eyes to his, confused. Had I heard him right? My heart stutters and there's a faint flicker of hope within me.
“Does that mean –”
He nods. “Of course, that's what it means,” he says gently. “I'm going to be a part of this child's life. And yours – if you'll have me.”
Tears stream down my face – tears of joy. Brayden grimaces and grunts when I throw my arms around him and pull him into a tight embrace. I can tell he's in pain and try to pull myself away, but he holds me tight. In his arms, I feel so safe, so secure, and so – loved. I've never felt happier in my entire life than I do in this moment.
I finally manage to extricate myself and then plant a hard kiss upon his lips. Brayden is smiling at me like he's the happiest man in the world.
“So, I guess that means the annulment is on hold for now, huh?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think so,” he says. “Let's see what happens, what do you think?”
“I think that's a fine idea.”
“I think it's more than fine,” he says. “A hell of a lot more than fine, actually.”
“A father,” he says, his tone dripping with awe. “Me. A dad.”
“I know you'll be a good one,” I say.
“I hope you're right.”
“I usually am,” I reply and kiss the tip of his nose. “I usually am.”
Epilogue
Holly
Three Months Later...
“Oh my God,” Gabby gushes. “Honey, you are so beautiful. You look like a goddamn goddess.”
I look down at myself and frown. “I’m a whale.”
She slaps me on the arm and laughs. “You do not. You're radiant. One of the most beautiful brides I've ever seen.”
I turn around and see myself in my gown for the first time in the floor-to-ceiling mirror on the wall. My baby bump is starting to show, and I feel my growing belly straining the dress. It hadn't been this tight a few weeks ago and I'm feeling somewhat self-conscious about it.
I can't deny though, that the gown itself is gorgeous and looking at myself in it makes my heart stop as a smile spreads across my face. This is the wedding dress of my dreams. More or less. I hadn't planned to be a few months pregnant on my wedding day, but life is funny that way sometimes. I'm not usually one for ballgowns, but on my wedding day, I deserve to feel like a princess straight out of a fairy tale. I've believed that ever since I was a little girl.
And boy, as I look at myself in the mirror, I really think I look the part. Minus the baby bump – you don't usually see those in fairy tales. But, whatever.
The ballgown has a full skirt adorned with Swarovski crystals and intricate beadwork. As I spin and swoosh the dress around me, it sparkles in the light, as if it is bejeweled with stars. Gabby attaches the veil to my head, and straightens it out, letting it fall around my shoulders in soft, white lace.
Thankfully the veil is nothing too heavy, nor does it completely block my vision. I want to be able to see my husband's face when I walk down the aisle towards him. I want to see the way he looks at me, how his eyes drink me in from head-to-toe. It’s a feeling I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of.