She shook her head. “This is why I didn’t want to forgive you. Because you did it again. You would do it again. It’s who you are. You are going to keep leaving and there’ll be no way to know if you’ll come back safe. Healthy. Whole.”
It was the challenge faced by every military family. There wasn’t any getting around it. Some tried to pretend. Others fought emotional battles to keep the soldier from deploying again. But the truth was, every relationship faced it and the way to weather through it varied for every individual.
“I can’t promise I won’t do something like this again.” His throat constricted as he forced out the words. He could lose her with his honesty.
But she wouldn’t be his friend anymore if he wasn’t honest. It was who Sophie was. He waited, his mouth going dry. A cold weight settled deep inside his chest. He wanted to brace himself for the worst possible answer, but he didn’t have it in him.
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” she said finally. “I wanted to be angry with you. It was easier. Because I had no control over my own life. You let me know I’d lost control way back when you left, not just in the last week. It wasn’t a car bomb that took my life away from me. I never really built it for myself. And I wanted to be angry at you for taking a major decision from me.”
He’d left. He hadn’t let her decide if she wanted to challenge her father over him. “Your ties to your family were more important.”
“So you decided.” She glared at him. “I am mad at you for still thinking it was okay to decide it by yourself. You had a family, too. Parents, siblings. They still love you even if they aren’t as much a part of your life as my family is involved in mine.”
She was right about that. But he’d admired the way her heart could expand and give so generously to so many. She had a big family, a circle of friends, and she’d wrapped him in her joy effortlessly.
“I didn’t fit.” He mumbled it because she’d have a quick retort for that. “You deserved better and I decided to go make myself into someone I could respect.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it.
“You asked why I left.” He reached out and slipped his finger under her chin. “Ask me why I came back.”
She blinked. “You were building a new life for yourself.”
“Yes.” He kept her gaze locked through sheer power of will. Their friendship was in pieces anyway. So this, at least this, needed to be out in the open. It was time for her to understand. “Why?”
“Because you needed to come back home.” It seemed so simple to her. And it was, but not for the reason she thought it was.
“Did I? I could’ve gone to where my parents decided to move, or one of my siblings. Why do you think I came and settled here?”
C’mon, Sophie, quit hiding from it.
“Because this is home for you, where you grew up.”
“No.”
She jerked her head back angrily. “Yes. This is home. Don’t you see? Maybe you don’t even know why. But I was here, and I saw you. You came back. You built Hope’s Crossing Kennels here because this is home.”
He shook his head. “No. If you’d have moved somewhere else, made someplace else yours, I’d have built Hope’s Crossing Kennels there. Where didn’t matter. You are home for me, Sophie.”
She froze.
“I left and remade myself. When I was ready, I’d have followed you wherever you were to see if you’d have me. And here, now, if you don’t want me, that’s your choice. I’ll respect it.” It’d kill him, but there it was. “It’s up to you, Sophie. This is me and I’ll be a friend if that’s what you want. But I want more. I want to build our lives together from here on out, and I don’t know how else to say I love you.”
She stood, staring at him, without moving. Hell, she was barely breathing.
He didn’t know what to do, so he held his empty hands out to her.
She placed her hands in his. “This.”
“What?” He spoke carefully, out of words and not sure if the next thing he said would ruin everything he’d managed to tell her.
“You went through hell and came back. It hurt my heart to see how many ways you’d been broken and scarred. I watched you work with your dogs and heal day by day, and I wanted so much for you to be happy. I wasn’t sure when you would be. But I was so determined to be there the whole way.” She traced the inside of his palms until he closed his hands over hers. Her gaze met his again, finally. “I thought this week was my own personal hell. I wondered how you survived these things. And now, I’d go back and do it again if you were with me.”
It was his turn to hold still, hoping he didn’t break this moment. “With you.”
“In the middle of hell, I’ve never been happier,” she whispered. “I’ve always loved you, Brandon. And the minute you gave in and let me into your arms, I was in heaven. Even with people trying to kill me. Because I’ve always trusted you to keep me safe.”
He tugged her hands until she leaned over him, then he wrapped his arms around her. “I always will.”