A Thousand Boy Kisses

“Who are you?” I whispered. I shook my head as Rune continued to stare, a slight tightening at the corner of his eyes the only evidence that my words had any effect. “Who are you right now?” I glanced down at his fingers, still around my wrist. Feeling my throat close, I said, “Where is the boy I love?” Risking one more look at his face, I whispered, “Where is my Rune?”

Suddenly, Rune ripped his fingers from my arm as though my skin was scalding to the touch. A nasty laugh spilled from his lips as he stared me down. His hand lifted to delicately smooth down my hair—a contradictory softness in the gesture compared to the venom with which he spoke. “You want to know where that boy went?” I swallowed as he searched every part of my face—every feature but my eyes. “You want to know where your Rune went?” His lip curled in disgust. As if my Rune was someone unworthy. As if my Rune wasn’t worth all the love that I had for him.

Leaning in, he met my eyes, his stare so severe that shivers darted down my spine. Harshly, he whispered, “That Rune died when you left him all alone.” I tried to turn away, but Rune jumped in my path, making it impossible to escape his scathing cruelty. I dragged in a hurt breath, but Rune wasn’t done. I could see in his eyes that he was far from done.

“I waited for you,” he said. “I waited and waited for you to call, to explain. I called everyone I knew back here, trying to find you. But you’d vanished. Gone to care for some sick aunt I know doesn’t exist. Your daddy wouldn’t talk to me when I tried; you all blocked me out.” His lips tightened as he relived the pain. I saw it. I saw it in his every move, his every word; he had been transported back to that painful place.

“I told myself to be patient, that you would explain everything in time. But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I stopped waiting with hope. Instead, I let in the pain. I let in the darkness that you created. As a year came and went, and my letters and messages went unanswered, I let the pain take hold of me until there was nothing left of the old Rune. Because I couldn’t look in the mirror one more day, couldn’t walk in the shoes of that Rune for one more damn day. Because that was the Rune that had you. That Rune was the Rune that had Poppymin. That Rune was the one with a full heart. Your half and mine. But your half abandoned me. It left, and allowed what I have now to take root. Darkness. Pain. A shitload of anger.”

Rune leaned in until his breath washed over my face. “You made me like this, Poppy. The Rune you knew died when you turned into a bitch and broke every promise you ever made.”

I staggered backward, unbalanced by his words. His words that were like bullets to my heart. Rune watched me without showing guilt. I saw no sympathy in his glare. Just the cold, hard truth.

He meant every word.

Then, taking a lead from him, I let anger take hold. I handed the reins to all the anger I felt. I rushed forward and pushed at Rune’s hard chest. Not expecting him to move, I was surprised when he fell back a single step, before quickly regaining his ground.

But I didn’t stop.

I flew at him again, hot tears streaming down my face. I pushed and I pushed at his chest. Firmly grounded, Rune didn’t budge. So I struck out. A sob escaped from my mouth as I hit at his torso, the muscles bunching beneath his t-shirt as I released everything that had built up inside me.

“I hate you!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I hate you for this! I hate this person you are now! I hate him, I hate you!” I choked on my screams and I stumbled backward, exhausted.

Seeing his glare still firmly aimed at me, I used the very last drop of my energy to shout, “I was saving you!” I breathed deeply for a few moments, then added, quietly, “I was saving you, Rune! I was saving you from the pain. I was saving you from feeling helpless, like everyone else I loved.”

Rune’s dark-blond eyebrows became a hard line over his eyes. Confusion distorted his beautiful face.

I stepped back one more time. “Because I couldn’t see you, couldn’t bear the thought of you seeing what was going to happen to me. I couldn’t bear to do it to you when you were so far away.” Sobs left my throat. So many sobs that my chest began to wheeze through exertion.

I coughed, clearing my throat and moving forward to where Rune was standing still, like a statue. Laying my hand over my heart, I said in a croaked voice, “I had to fight. I had to give it my all. I had to try. And I wanted you along with me more than you could ever imagine.” My wet lashes began to dry in the cool breeze. “You would have dropped everything to try to get to me. You already hated your parents, hated your life in Oslo; I could hear it every time we spoke. You had grown so bitter. How could you have ever possibly coped with this?”

My head throbbed, a pounding headache taking hold.