Theo didn’t need to know everything.
But he did need to know some things. Ian had been right when he’d guessed it would hurt Robert to keep what they were to each other a secret from his family. His siblings were the most important people in the world to him, aside from Ian. And he was able to share in the loves they’d found; he could see them with the partners they’d chosen, the people they loved, and be happy that they were happy.
He wanted that to work both ways.
And if Ian was going to stay on as his brother’s factor, if Robert was going to stay here to be with him, indefinitely…someday they would suspect, anyway. There was no getting around it, unless Robert and Ian left Llynmore, which neither of them wanted to do.
Better, he thought, to tell them now and have it done with.
Ian took his leave of absence—Robert had asked if he’d wanted him to come, but he preferred to face it alone, since he didn’t know what he would find, and Robert acquiesced reluctantly. Before he’d left, though, he’d said Robert should tell his family, if he still wanted to, and he did, even if he was terrified by the prospect.
Out of everyone, Theo was the one he was worried most about. Eleanor, logical, scientific Eleanor, was too enthralled with the vagaries of the natural world to be too surprised by anything she found in human nature. Georgina, uncanny, observant girl that she was…well, he assumed that Georgina already knew, and she hadn’t changed toward him at all.
And Frances—he suspected Frances had more life experience and knew more scandals than all of the Townsends combined—she had been an actress. And some of that had surely rubbed off on Annabel, who’d lived with her for years.
Which left Theo, who loved him, but whose reaction he could not predict.
After days of trying to work up his courage, he found Theo alone in the library, looking through a stack of papers with a ledger spread open in front of him.
It was late afternoon, gold sunlight slanting into the room, gilding everything with a warm hue. It would be a clear night.
“Can I speak with you?” he asked, shutting the door behind him.
His brother glanced up and set the papers aside. He seemed relaxed. There’d been a time when he would have been guarded, a haunted, hunted look behind his eyes. That look would never disappear completely, but it had faded with time until Robert rarely glimpsed it anymore, and he was glad.
Like he’d told Hale, the heart was resilient.
He stepped forward and sat down on the other side of the round table where Theo worked.
“What is it?”
Robert pulse quickened. He’d been hoping to ease into the conversation a little more, but his brother was too blunt and direct to make that easy.
“Well…what are you working on?”
Theo’s brow furrowed. “The accounts for the quarry.”
“Ah. Quarries. Slate. A versatile rock. It’s all quite fascinating, isn’t it?”
Theo looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I suppose.”
Robert set his hand on the table, realized it was trembling, and quickly snatched it back. He felt vaguely ill, his stomach tight and churning. He hadn’t known why he thought he could do this.
Theo, noticing his agitation, asked him what was wrong in the gentle manner of elder brothers everywhere. “What the devil is the matter with you, Robert?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. He didn’t know what he was apologizing for. In an almost detached way, he realized that he was close to tears. Theo was more to him than a brother. In the months immediately after their parents’ deaths, he’d become more like a father, to all of them. He’d held them together, guided them, kept them all from falling apart.
And Robert had to tell him, because not telling him would only grow more and more difficult, a weight crushing his chest slowly. He wanted Theo to share in his happiness—he wanted that, but he didn’t know if he would.
Don’t let me down, he thought desperately. Don’t let my faith in you be misplaced. Don’t tell me that my trust in you is undeserved.
“Robert?” More quiet now. He seemed to realize how much Robert was struggling.
“What if I told you I was in love with Ian Cameron?” he blurted out. He didn’t look at Theo, but at the space behind his head. He remembered Ian’s declaration and how he hadn’t looked Robert in the eyes then, either. It made it easier.
If only a little.
Theo was silent and still for a very long time. Then, “Is this a rhetorical question or are you actually telling me that you’re in love with my factor?”
“The second one,” he mumbled.
He heard a creak as Theo stood, and then he heard him pacing, the sound of footsteps and his cane thumping heavy on the floor. Robert wanted to disappear.
“And,” Theo said, his tone sharp, “does he feel the same way?”
“Yes.”
“And your relationship is physical?”
Robert’s face felt hot enough to burn. He had no idea why Theo was interrogating him like this. “Yes.”
The pacing abruptly stopped. “It’s dangerous, Robert. If the wrong person discovered you…if you were arrested…it’s a capital offense. Even if you were arrested and received a lighter punishment, you might still face the pillory, and you know how vicious that can be.”
Robert finally looked at him, and all he saw in his brother’s face was fear. Worry, for Robert, for someone he loved. But the love itself was unshaken. Relief swept over him, so fast and so potent that it left him weak.
“It is a difficult thing to prove,” Robert pointed out.
“But it has happened before.”
“I’m quite aware of that. We both are. We’ll be as careful as we can.”
“That might not be enough.”
“It will have to be enough. I cannot be without him.”
Theo’s thumb smoothed over the head of his cane. “It sounds like you have already decided.”
“I have.”
Theo looked agitated, the anxiety still not gone from his expression. He’d always tried to protect them…it would kill him not to be able to do so now. “I suppose arguing is pointless then.”
“Yes, I suppose it would be,” he said. “Don’t ask me to choose between you all or him, Theo.”
He sighed. “I won’t. I have a feeling I wouldn’t like your choice. But promise me,” he said, abrupt. “Promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks. Be more careful, even, than you think you need to be.”
Robert smiled slightly at that. “I promise.”
He tilted his head, studying Robert until he shifted uncomfortably. “I like Cameron. He’s a good man. You could do worse.”
Robert laughed, a bit embarrassed. He pressed his hands to his face. He was still trembling, he realized. His tension seemed to unspool all at once, and his breath left him in a ragged gasp.
“I’m sorry,” he said. Again. “I didn’t know it would be so difficult.”
“That what would be so difficult?”
“Telling you.”
He heard Theo approach him, and then the comforting weight of Theo’s hand settled on his shoulder.
“What did you think would happen?”
“I wasn’t sure. I knew what I hoped, but there’s no way to know,” he admitted. “Ian’s family more or less threw him to the wolves.”
“We’re not Ian’s family,” Theo said, sounding a bit affronted. “We’re the Townsends.”
“What the devil does that mean?”
“It means that you three are probably going to send me to an early grave, but until then, I’ll be here, if you need me. I won’t turn you away. And that’s true for all of us. You helped me, too, Robert, when I was at my most desperate.”
“I remember.”
“Good.” The weight slipped away. “Now, is that all? I have work to do.”
Robert didn’t take offense. He knew his brother was only trying to get them back on steady ground.
He was heading toward the door when Theo said, “And just so you know, you won’t be inheriting.”
It took him a moment to put that together. “You mean…is Annabel in the family way?”
Theo nodded.
“Congratulations, Theo.”
His brother smiled, as happy as Robert had ever seen him.