‘I wondered who had stood Harry’s men down,’ said Lady Hardcastle, calmly. ‘I thought it might have been you but I really hoped it wasn’t.’
‘That buffoon Featherstonhaugh thought so, too,’ he said, taking a couple of steps into the room, Gerber moving faithfully with him. ‘He came sniffing around me this morning all please-and-thank-you and three-bags-full-sir, trying to get some information out of me. Your family really are the living end. I sent him on a fool’s errand on the other side of town so he won’t be bothering us if that’s what you were hoping for.’
‘Ah well,’ she said. ‘We’ll just have to make do as best we can without him.’
‘Don’t worry, you won’t have to cope for too long. We’ll soon put you out of my misery.’
‘Your misery, Sir David?’ she said, showing surprise for the first time. ‘What have I ever done to you?’
‘You have been a thorn in my government’s side for a very long time, Lady Hardcastle.’
‘Your government?’ she said, still perplexed. ‘Oh, I see.’ The penny had dropped. ‘Well I never. Fancy there being a German spy in the heart of the Home Office. How about that, eh, girls?’
Gwenith and I just looked at each other.
‘But why now, Sir David? Why blow your cover now?’
‘My cover won’t be blown, Lady Hardcastle. Herr Gerber here will kill the three of you and then he shall disappear into the night like an avenging angel. My office will be called, of course, and Featherstonhaugh’s, but really, I’m so sorry, there was nothing I could do to stop him.’ He chuckled. ‘As for the timing… let us just say that you saw some things in Tsingtao which we should rather you hadn’t seen. Your report was quite useful to the British all those years ago, and you set us back a little, but there still might be details deep within your memory which you didn’t include at the time, some little titbit about the submarine or its pen. We would really rather there was no one left around who has seen even the early prototypes of our submarines before we start sea trials of the latest version. Surprise is everything in warfare, dear lady.’
‘Warfare? There’s no war.’
‘Oh, give it time. War shall come sooner or later. And when it does, Imperial Germany shall be very much the side to back.’
‘When did you decide to betray your country?’ asked Lady Hardcastle.
‘Betray my country, my lady? But I’ve been serving my country all along. My family name is Haltermann, not Alderman, we are originally from Hannover. My parents moved to England when I was very young. A little change of spelling, a white lie or two about my ancestry… gaining access to the British establishment was all very easy. And no one looked terribly hard once they heard I was a Cambridge man. Being the “right sort” opens so many doors, don’t you find? But of course you do. You were at Girton yourself.’
‘I was, it’s true. Ah well. It’s a shame it all has to end like this. I rather imagined myself growing old and irascible, surrounded by irritated relatives and dying in a comfortable bed after saying something profoundly witty.’
‘You’re breaking my heart,’ said Sir David, coldly. ‘Well, I’ve had my fun. Gerber, do what you do and let’s get out of here.’
I’ve always been terribly fond of Harry Featherstonhaugh, but at that moment I could have kissed the fellow. Sir David’s last words were almost drowned out by the sound of three more pistols being cocked in the doorway behind him and there stood Harry and two uniformed soldiers.
‘Hello, Sis,’ said Harry. ‘Sorry I’m late. I was halfway to the other side of town when I realized I probably ought to be here instead. Luckily I found a couple of chaps milling about nearby who were able to come and help.’
‘Hello, love,’ said the soldier with three stripes and a crown on his sleeve. ‘You all right?’
Gwenith nodded.
‘Guns down, hands on heads,’ said Harry to Gerber and Sir David. ‘Captain, if you could do the honours with the handcuffs, the staff sergeant here can go and see to his wife. Looks like she’s hurt her knee.’
‘That’s Florence with the damaged knee, you dolt,’ said Lady Hardcastle.
‘Is it, by crikey,’ he said. ‘Well I never. You two do look awfully alike, you know.’
‘It’s being twins that does it, sir,’ I said.
‘Harry, darling,’ said Lady Hardcastle, ‘it’s a relief to see you all. Where did you find our new friends?’
‘Long story, Sis, but the short version is that when Flo went over to the barracks this morning to fetch her sister, Staff Sergeant Evans didn’t want her to go alone. He enlisted the help of his captain and they came looking for us. I found them near the tube station.’
Meanwhile, the artillery captain had handcuffed the two Germans while Staff Sergeant Evans hugged his wife and then took a look at my knee.
‘The rozzers are on their way, too,’ said Harry cheerfully. ‘I put in a call to Scotland Yard but since I already had these chaps with me I thought I’d come straight over. Good thing I did by the looks.’
‘Timely, darling, timely,’ said Lady Hardcastle. ‘I thought our goose was most definitely stuffed, basted and in a medium oven with only the potatoes still to be done.’
‘Oh do for heaven’s sake shut up, you twittering old harpy,’ said Sir David. ‘I’ve never met a more aggravating woman in all my–’
His childish rant halted abruptly when Harry’s fist made contact with his nose.
‘Sorry, Dave,’ said Harry. ‘You were saying?’
Sir David simply glared at him.
Gwenith took over from Daffidd in fussing over my knee and soon declared it “bruised but not badly damaged” and bound it tightly with a bandage which Harry had produced from a cupboard in the bathroom.
‘There you are, Floss, good as new,’ she said.
‘Thanks, Gwen bach,’ I said. ‘When did you learn to do that?’
‘Training to be a nurse, I am. With the army.’
‘You never are,’ I said. ‘Since when?’
‘Easter, I started. I’m a lot older than the other girls, but I loves it. Wish I’d done it years ago.’
‘Good for you. What does Daffidd think?’
She looked over at her husband. ‘Oh, he thinks I’m just doing it for the chance to see men in their underwear.’ She winked.
‘I don’t mind that so much, bach,’ said Daffidd with a grin. ‘It’s when you has to get them out of their underwear that I worries.’
Sir David tutted and sighed theatrically.
‘Shut up, Dave,’ I said. ‘No one’s talking to you.’
‘Why you impudent little–’
I never got to find out what I was an impudent little one of, though I had some pretty good guesses. At that moment there was another knock on the still-open front door and a commanding male voice said, ‘Police! Mr Featherstonhaugh, are you there?’
‘Come on in, Superintendent,’ called Harry, jovially. ‘The party’s in the drawing room.’
Harry’s drawing room, already rather full, was soon made yet more crowded by the addition of a bowler-hatted detective and three uniformed constables.
‘Crikey, sir,’ said the detective. ‘You have got a full house.’