‘Darling! So solemn! Whatever is it about?’ said Persephone.
‘It’s about the human side of medicine. Nobody seems to be aware how wrong it is, what’s going on at the moment – actually bad medicine, in my view. And I’m determined to change it.’
Chapter 39
1954
‘You should be ashamed of yourself! I promised Jean I wouldn’t say anything to you but I have to do something about it.’
‘Look, Mr Miller – Alec – I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about?’ said Tom on the other end of the phone.
‘Well, you should. Do you remember your wedding day? You’ve broken those promises. To love, cherish and honour her. She wouldn’t look – and behave – the way she does if any of that applied. I’ve never seen a woman look less cherished.’
Tom finally understood what was being said to him. And why. He opened his mouth to reply, but Mr Miller was talking again. ‘Well, I’m not having it. She’s staying here until she’s recovered a little. She’s very against it, said she was going home, but as she was leaving this afternoon, putting Lucy into the car in her carrycot, she just – passed out. Have you seen the size of her? I can’t believe you have, or you’d have done something about it. She’s a wraith. She’s not eating, says she can’t, and yet she’s feeding that baby – words fail me. Her mother’s worried sick about her. Look, I won’t mince words – she’s pregnant again, isn’t she? It’s disgraceful in my opinion. You should be leaving her alone – that’s what any decent man would do, give her some peace.’
Tom put the phone down. He couldn’t reply without being intensely rude. He was angry, angry beyond anything at Alice, for running to her parents, complaining about him, whining behind his back. It was absolutely disgusting. Where was loyalty, where was love in this? She was even clearly implying that the new baby had been conceived against her will, practically turning him into a rapist. What could he do, how could he live with this level of disloyalty? It was not to be borne.
He was just rather half-heartedly tidying the kitchen that evening, thinking at least he’d have an unbroken night, when the front door opened and Alice stood in the kitchen doorway, holding a sleeping Lucy in her arms.
‘Can you bring Kit in, please? I can’t manage them both.’
‘You should have brought your father with you to help,’ he said, his voice raw with rage. But he strode out into the street, reappeared with Kit and carried him upstairs. When he passed Alice on the landing he didn’t even look at her.
Coming down again, he found her slumped on a chair in the kitchen.
‘Apparently, I’m starving you. That’s what your father implied. I could make you a sandwich, would that help? I’m afraid a three-course dinner, which he clearly thought was your due, is beyond me.’
‘Tom?’
He bustled about, rather ostentatiously cutting bread, grating cheese, boiling the kettle for tea. He didn’t speak.
‘Tom, I’m so sorry my father rang you and said all those things. It was terribly wrong of him. I didn’t even know he’d rung until Mummy told me, after I – I –’
‘Fainted? Very dramatic. And what did Mummy think you should do about it all? Sue me for divorce? Leave me? Do tell me, please.’
‘Tom! I didn’t go there to complain, truly I didn’t. I just thought a day with them would be nice. Restful. Mummy’s very – helpful.’
‘And I’m not, is that right? Well, Mummy doesn’t have to pay the bills as well, does she? Doesn’t have to go to work, just potters about, saying what can I do now, darling, apart from keeping your nasty brutish husband away.’
‘Tom! You know I’d never, ever say anything about that sort of thing.’
‘I don’t think I do know, actually. Otherwise how did your father have such a clear picture of my behaviour? Which is not that of any decent man, apparently. I should be leaving you in peace. Dear God, Alice, if you wanted that why not say so?’
‘Tom, I hadn’t told them about the baby. It never seemed the right time. And you know how seldom we – I – see them. It came as a shock.’
‘A shocking shock. Poor Mummy and Daddy. No wonder they want to take you in, give you shelter.’
‘I was going to ring you later, ask you if you’d mind if I stayed the night. Just the one. Then when I heard what Da— my father had done, I was so upset I just left.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really.’
‘And what about this poor wraith-like creature I am supposed to have created – how did they know about her? About how I never give you any food, watch you starve.’
‘Tom, don’t be so ridiculous. Of course I am very thin, everybody says so, but I don’t feel like eating much of the time, I’m still being sick. When this little one is born, I’ll be better straight away, you know I will.’
‘Yes, and you can be sure there won’t be any more. You’ll find yourself living with a very decent man.’
‘Oh, Tom, please.’
‘Well – it’s disgraceful, peddling that sort of rubbish about.’
‘I wasn’t peddling any sort of rubbish. I – I love our sex life, you know I do –’
‘I could be forgiven for not knowing recently, but I’ll let it pass. Does Daddy know that?’
‘No, of course not,’ said Alice wearily. ‘As if I’d say anything like that to him. I suppose it was just a conclusion he jumped to – that generation, you know, they see it all differently.’
‘And you made no attempt to put him right?’
She sighed, sipped at her tea. ‘How could I?’
‘Very easily, I’d have thought. I’m disgusted at you, Alice, absolutely disgusted.’
‘Yes, I’ve got that message,’ said Alice wearily. ‘Look, I am very tired, it’s been a very long day.’
‘Not my fault.’
‘I didn’t say it was. But I’d like to go to bed – we’re not getting anywhere.’
‘As you wish.’
She got up, threw the uneaten sandwich in the bin.
‘Hey,’ said Tom. ‘That’s a terrible thing to do, throwing away perfectly good food. The children would have eaten that.’
‘Strangely enough, the children don’t really like very stale sandwiches,’ said Alice and then with a sudden return of her old spirit, ‘Perhaps you’d like to take it out and offer it to some poor deserving person on the street.’
‘Oh, don’t be so ridiculous,’ said Tom irritably. ‘I only said it was terrible to throw food away. You do it a lot.’
‘Well, if you can suggest what I do with it, I will.’
Tom glared at her. ‘I don’t know. It’s not my department. You could make stuff into soup or something. I would have thought,’ he added just a little too quickly. Alice felt the familiar flood of jealousy and for once converted it into words. ‘Oh, I see. Is that what Laura did, make leftovers into delicious soup? Difficult with a cheese sandwich, I’d have thought, but I’m sure she’d have managed.’
‘Oh, Alice, for Christ’s sake, grow up.’