But he had grown used to it; and had anyone asked him how Diana Southcott might behave, he would have expected her to be the worst of them, of the avoiders. Proffer him the cold shoulder rather than the sweet kiss, the gentle words, the obvious sorrow on his behalf.
She drew back, then said, ‘I’m sorry, you probably want to be alone. Or with Laura. Is that her grave?’
He nodded.
‘May I – may I see?’
‘Of course,’ he said, and she stood there quietly, reading and rereading the words, and then turned to him, and said, ‘How lovely, and how lovely that they are together.’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes, well, I wanted that. It was important.’
‘So important. Oh, Tom. How unhappy you must be.’
‘Well – I am,’ he said, and then, ‘but I try not to be. She wouldn’t have wanted that.’
‘You’re very brave. I never met her, I wish I had. She must have been a very special person.’
‘She was.’
There was a silence. Then she said, clearly feeling there was nothing more that she could usefully say, ‘Well, I must be getting back. But I’m so glad I found you today. And so very sorry I didn’t manage it before.’
‘Oh, no,’ he said. ‘It’s lovely that you came today. Thank you.’ And then astonishing himself, ‘May I walk you back to the house?’
‘Of course. I’d like that.’
And they talked on the way of a few important and a few unimportant things; she was clearly afraid to talk about Jamie, but he asked about him. ‘I met him when he was very young, remember?’
‘Yes, of course I do. Well, he’s a real boy now – and his lovely blonde baby hair is now quite, quite dark.’
‘And – do you like it any better, up there in Yorkshire?’ he asked and she stared at him and laughed and said, ‘I’d forgotten I’d told you that. No, I still hate it.’
‘Why?’
‘Oh – so many things. It’s cold, it’s bleak, even in the summer it’s bleak. The people are odd. I don’t have any friends, not that I would call friends. I miss London, I miss my family. Goodness me, I must stop. It’s not all bad.’
‘Isn’t it?’ he said and his green eyes boring into hers were genuinely interested.
‘Mostly,’ she said, ‘I’m afraid it is, but you are not to tell anyone I said so. Ever.’
‘Of course. And your husband, does he like it up there?’
‘Oh, he loves it. Absolutely loves it. But then he comes from there – it’s different if you do. It’s another country.’
‘Of course. I sometimes think,’ he added, amazed that he should confide in her, ‘that I would do well to move away, to live somewhere quite different.’
‘Really? To do what?’
‘Well, I have become very interested in politics. It’s the only thing I can imagine taking – or partly taking – Laura’s place in my life. Giving me something to care about again.’
‘I can understand that,’ she said. ‘You mean you’d like to be an MP?’
‘Yes. Ultimately. Meanwhile to work for the party in some way. The Labour Party,’ he added, with a smile.
‘Yes, well, I didn’t see you as a true blue Tory,’ she said, smiling back. ‘It would be wonderful for you, I can see that. And Laura would have liked it,’ she added, astonishing him with her perception.
‘Indeed. And of course, it would be better than another woman,’ he said and she actually laughed and he laughed too. They had arrived at the Manor House. ‘It’s been lovely talking to you, Tom. I’m so glad I was here today. I’d ask you in,’ she said, after a pause, ‘but you wouldn’t like it, would you?’
‘Not really,’ he said. ‘And nor would they. Although I’d like to meet your husband.’
‘He’s gone back to Yorkshire, his father’s not well. We were only here for Michael’s wedding – my brother, you know . . .’
‘Yes, of course I know. I like your brother. He was always very friendly to me at village cricket matches. I suppose he’s an important doctor now?’
‘Very important. A surgeon. Oh, now there’s Mummy watching us out of the window, wondering what on earth’s going on. I’d better go in. Take care of yourself, Tom. Goodbye.’ And she reached up and kissed him again on the cheek and then turned and walked up the drive towards the house.
‘Diana,’ said her mother as she walked in the door. ‘Diana, you really can’t stand about in broad daylight kissing people like Tom Knelston.’
‘Oh, really, can I not?’ said Diana, and there was real anger in her eyes as she looked at her mother. ‘You wouldn’t have minded if it was one of Michael’s friends, would you? Ian Bellinger, for instance, or Ned Welles. I’d like to know the difference. Only of course I do.’
‘Diana—’
‘Now, have I missed lunch? Shall I go and eat it in the kitchen, with Cook, or up in the nursery with Jamie? That would be better, wouldn’t it, more acceptable.’
‘We haven’t had lunch,’ said Caroline. ‘You can eat it in the dining room with us. Nanny has taken Jamie for a walk.’
‘She seems to have taken leave of her senses,’ Caroline said later to Sir Gerald, watching Diana playing with Jamie in the garden. ‘I do hope her situation in Yorkshire isn’t making her so unhappy she’ll do something silly.’
‘Of course it won’t,’ said Sir Gerald. ‘That pretty head is screwed on quite firmly. She knows what she’s got up there, even if she doesn’t like it very much. Sherry, darling? Or rather another sherry. We seem to have been drinking it for hours, waiting for her.’
‘Do you know I think I might?’ said Caroline.
Chapter 16
1950
The conference was dreadful. He had missed the previous year’s, unable to face it, but Laura haunted this one still, a shining-eyed, excited ghost, her baby sticking out through her navy coat, filled with the wonder that they were actually there. At least it wasn’t in Blackpool this time. Every day hurt more than the day before.
And yet he knew he must go. It was what he most cared about now, the party and his politics, and the new future he wanted. As always his hero, Aneurin ‘Nye’ Bevan, did not fail him. For Bevan, it was a good conference. He had had a bad two years; first there was the infamous speech when he had proclaimed the Conservatives to be ‘lower than vermin’ and unleashed a row of gargantuan proportions, causing himself and his party immeasurable harm. Then another row over a demand for an extra ￡52 million for the National Health Service, and the consequent accusations of improvidence. He still managed to emerge as the author of a new, glorious socialism for the years ahead.