A Missing Heart

“Yeah, I know him,” I say. “Or I know the back of him, since he’s usually on top of some chick when I walk into his room.”


“I know right?” Brink laughs. “Well that lucky shit, isn’t getting lucky today. He’s in the hospital with pneumonia, and he was the only moron who didn’t buy trip insurance on his non-refundable ticket. He told me to find someone to take it off his hands and he’d sell it for half of what he paid.” Brink looks way more excited than I feel right now. I have no clue what Chad paid, but I’m guessing it’s more than the three hundred bucks I currently have in my savings account.

“I appreciate the offer, but—”

“It’s five hundred total and that includes all meals. It’s a pretty sick deal, bro; you sure?”

I’m still two hundred short, and I had been saving up my money for a trek down to D.C. this summer so I can visit Cammy. There’s no way. “It’s a hard offer to pass up, man, but I can’t dish that out.” I release my hands from the back of my neck and lean forward against my desk, feeling a little embarrassed to admit I can’t afford jack shit right now. I continue working on the paper I have due tomorrow while Brink continues brainstorming. “Sorry, bro.”

Brink twists my chair around, forcing me to face him and his cheesy-ass grin on his face. I’m not sure what’s so funny about this, but clearly it’s something I’m missing. “Okay, fine, you’ve twisted my arm. I’ll pay for your ass to go.” Brink throws money around like it’s hitting the stage at the stripper joint we frequent, on his dime. I’m pretty sure his parents are loaded, or he came into some serious cash at some point because he definitely doesn’t have a job here.

“That’s really nice, man, but I can’t ask you to do that. I wouldn’t be able to pay you back anytime soon.” I’m getting uncomfortable in the conversation. Brink and I get along great. He’s the funniest guy I’ve ever met, but he’s completely over the top, which is funny for me, of all people, to say, because that’s all anyone said about me in high school. Though, that was before my daughter was given up. I haven’t been too over the top since then. It’s like I lost a part of myself and I can’t get it back, no matter how hard I try.

Brink steps in closer and rests his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly as a wide grin stretches across his face. “I don’t want it back, man. You’re my brother here, and I want you to come with us. It wouldn’t be the same without you. And, it’s going to be the time of our fucking lives!”

It doesn’t feel right. I don’t like handouts and I’m not one to take them. But…Cancun or sitting at home, staring out my goddamn window all week. Cancun, or staring out… “You sure about this?” I ask him.

“Dude, I’m more than sure. You need this. You’ve only slept with like four chicks this year, and you need more experience.” Uh. Quite the reputation I earned for myself but that has not happened. There was one girl, one night. One really drunk night, and when I woke up in the morning, I realized she lives in the dorm room next door. So, that’s fun. She hasn’t said a word to me since, and I don’t know why. Don’t want to know why.

“Sounds like a killer time,” I tell him.

“We’re leaving tomorrow night after classes. We have an airport shuttle coming here at eight.”

“Awesome,” I say, pounding his fist. “I appreciate this, man. This is really, really great.” This is fucking awesome. Who am I kidding?

I spend the rest of the day cramming for my last midterm tomorrow and throw all of the summer clothes I brought to school, which wasn’t a ton, into a bag. As I’m packing up, the memory of me telling Cammy I would be heading down to D.C. for spring break hits me hard. She shot the idea down and told me she was interning at one of the museums near her campus. It was an opportunity of a lifetime, and who can argue with that.

Any time I’ve mentioned trying to meet up either here or there, Cammy has had some reason that prevented it. We’re not together; I get it. We made this decision months ago. Sometimes I still think there’s hope for us, even being so far apart, but it’s only because she seems impossible to let go of. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let go completely, but maybe this trip is exactly what I need.

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