Cammy struggles to stand up from her seat, using her hands to push her body upright. “Cam,” I mutter. “What are you doing?”
“I can’t do this, AJ,” she says again. Cammy makes her way down the long row of desks and out the door before Mrs. Halifax can respond. It’s only a short minute before everyone turns back around, facing the front of the room, carrying on as if nothing just happened.
If I run after her, everyone will know. She doesn’t want that because we’re a secret, and so is our almost two-year-long relationship.
With my focus locked on the clock, waiting for the minute hand to sluggishly make its way to the twelve, I struggle to understand what changed, and what might be going through Cammy’s head. We’ve talked everything through. We’ve made decisions and plans, leaving nothing unresolved.
The bell buzzes through the loudspeaker and I grab my books, jetting out of the classroom before anyone has a chance to step foot into the rows between the desks.
I race through each hall, searching from one end to the other looking for her, but she’s nowhere in sight.
Needing a brief pause to catch my breath, I lean up against one of the lockers and take my cell from my back pocket. A text from Cammy is waiting for me.
Cammy: We need to talk. I’m in Parking Lot C.
I don’t want to waste time responding to her so I continue running down the halls and out one of the exit doors I shouldn’t be using during school hours. As I find her in front of her beat-up, cherry red BMW, she drops her school bag to her feet and slaps her hands over her eyes, crying so loudly I’m afraid someone might think I’m hurting her. Regardless, I throw my arms around her neck and let her cry her fears out.
“Tell me,” I whisper in her ear.
“I have to give the baby up. I submitted the paperwork last week and…” she says as she breathes heavily into my shoulder. “…and I didn’t think it would happen so quickly, but they found a family.”
“Wait. Stop! What the hell are you talking about?” I snap. I don’t need to question it, though, I’m smart enough to understand what she’s saying. I just feel lost, however, since the topic was never brought up. We had plans. Stupid plans, but plans. We did this and we were going to make it work. There was never another option—not one that was discussed between the two of us. We’re so stupidly in love that we have convinced ourselves we’re ready to be parents at seventeen. We’re not. But, the alternative is not an option—was never planned to be an option.
“I have to give the baby up for adoption, AJ.”
“No. No, you don’t, Cammy. Wha—we didn’t even talk about this. Why would you go and—” My head is spinning, and I want to understand but this isn’t fair. The baby is mine too. How could she just give our child away without consulting me first? Is that even allowed?
“AJ, I’m nine-months pregnant,” she says, cutting me off. “There is no more time.”
“You’re not due for another week. We have time. We should make this decision together,” I argue, while at the same time trying my hardest to calm down.
“We’re seventeen. We’re hardly old enough to care for ourselves, let alone a baby. Plus, I—I don’t have much say in this…I don’t have any say in this,” she sighs as droplets of tears slowly trickle from her light chestnut eyes. “I don’t want to do this to her either, you have to believe me.” She places her hand over her stomach in a loving way.
Her? “Wait,” I say, waving my hands in the air. “You just said her…you knew?” She told the doctor she wanted to wait until she gave birth to find out if the baby was a girl or a boy. At least, that’s what she told me. I don’t understand any of this. When was this bullshit adoption decision made? She knows I’ve been saving every dime from work, putting it aside so we can feed and clothe the baby. I cleared out an area of my bedroom so I could make a place for her to sleep. I bought toys, and I’ve been storing them under my bed. As much as I have not been ready to be a dad, I’ve done the best I could to prepare for being one. I may not know much about caring for a child, but I know how to love one.
“I didn’t want you to get attached—I didn’t want to get attached, but I broke down and asked if it was a girl or boy during the last ultrasound,” she says, looking down to her fidgeting fingers, twiddling the promise ring I gave her a few months ago. I made a promise that we would have the most incredible family and that I would give her and our baby everything.
“So you made your mind up about this weeks ago, huh?” I ask, running my hands through my hair in aggravation. Her mother needed to escort her to every goddamn doctor’s appointment so I couldn’t even be there for the ultrasounds. This is bull.
“I didn’t make this decision, AJ.”