“Yeah,” I say, sounding a little less sure than when I just explained everything.
“I don’t know what to say.” She truly means it. I can hear it in her voice, the truth being: she isn’t sure, which means she might think this is a good idea. What if this is a horrible idea? Giving up my scholarship is a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have spit that out. I shouldn’t have been thinking about it for the past month. But I’d be thinking about it forever if I hadn’t said it. I should let her decide and go from there. I can’t see Cammy running away from her parents, going against the grain, giving up college and a life she deserves to have. At least if she makes that decision, she’ll know I was willing to give it all up for her. I’d be happy knowing she knew that, even if she didn’t want to give everything up for me. She needs to know she’s loved more than I need to know I’m loved. I feel strongly about that.
“You can think about it,” I tell her.
“AJ, there you are!” Dad shouts from twenty feet away. “Why aren’t you celebrating with all your football buddies out there? They were just talking about some party at Chad’s tonight. Oh, are you…” he walks a little closer. “Are you on the phone?” He’s mouthing his last words, seeing that there is a phone pressed against my ear. “Is that Cammy? Your mother told me you weren’t―”
“Dad!” I shout. “Give me a minute.”
Cammy is laughing on the other end. “I’ll call you later,” she says. “Thanks for being everything to me.”
“I couldn’t be anything less,” I tell her.
“Love you, AJ.”
“You too.”
“What in the world has gotten into you, son?” Dad asks as he steals the empty seat next to me on the bleacher. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’m good, Dad.”
“Cold feet about college? Totally normal. I was the same way.”
“Nope, no cold feet.”
“Does it have anything to do with the fact that your friend, Cammy, is being dragged out of town by her parents because she was pregnant? Did you know she was pregnant? You never mentioned a word to your mom or I these past few months.” He pauses briefly with contemplation. “Although, I guess you haven’t really mentioned Cammy all that much either.” Dad’s words stun me like a Taser. He doesn’t associate with Cammy’s parents, and she kept her pregnancy pretty well hidden. I don’t know how he found out, but in this small town, news like that somehow gets around. “I know how it must feel knowing that someone you have been friends with for so long is suddenly going to be gone, but girls are going to come and go throughout your life. You’ll make new friends like her, son; don’t worry.” Here I thought I was naive. The one smart thing I’ve done in my late teens was never admit to my parents who I’ve been dating. This conversation would be a lot different right now if I had.
“Dad, I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
He slaps me on the back and winks at me. “You got it, kid. You should go enjoy these moments with your buddies over there. It’s an occasion you’ll want to remember. Trust me.”
“I’d actually like to go home right now,” I tell him. “I graduated, Dad. I’ve got my diploma and all of my memories for the last four years. My life here is complete, and I feel like I can walk away from it all now and be okay.”
“What are you going to do with yourself all summer?” he asks, standing up from the bleachers. “Oh, I know. You just got yourself a job working for me, installing carpets. Sound good? The pay is twelve an hour.”
A job. Money. It’s the first step to making my plan work. “Yeah, Dad. That’d be great.”
“Well, this is going to be a fantastic summer,” he says cheerfully. “Hunter’s coming home next week, and it’ll be just us three men working together for the next eight weeks until I lose both of my good men to school.” Geez, he’s getting all sentimental on me. “You know, son, you spend your life raising two boys to be men, and then they turn into men and you have to let them go. It sucks.” What I thought was going to be a long, drawn-out signature Dad speech, ends abruptly. I look up at him from my seat and I see a tear in his eye. “I’m so damn proud of you, son. I really am.”
I don’t deserve that. If he had any idea what I’ve done and what I’ve caused this year, those words would never find a way out of his mouth. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I ruined lives this year. Including my own.
CHAPTER SEVEN