A Million Little Things (Mischief Bay, #3)

“It’s a burger, Jen. Not rat poison. They serve good quality stuff.”

“Like French fries.”

“Yes, that’s a traditional accompaniment.”

“Jack doesn’t eat fries.”

“Poor kid.”

She tightened her grip on the steering wheel. Despite her medication, she could feel her heart pounding. The familiar tightening began to coil around her chest. She hadn’t had a panic attack in over a week. They’d been lessening in strength and number. Why was she having one now?

“We can’t go there,” she said quietly, willing herself to keep breathing.

“Why the hell not?”

“You swore in front of Jack,” she shrieked.

Lucas muttered something under his breath. In the backseat, Jack began to cry.

“See! Look what you did.”

“Me?” Lucas’s voice was a growl. “I’m not the one wound so damned tight I’m going to explode.”

His words hit her hard. She wasn’t wound tight. She’d been doing so much better. Except she really couldn’t catch her breath and Jack was crying. Up ahead she saw the familiar In-N-Out sign and swung into the parking lot. She parked and pointed to the door.

“Take him outside. Now!”

For once Lucas did as she asked. He got out and collected Jack. The two of them walked over to the grassy area beside the outdoor seating. Jen stayed in the car and tried to steady her breathing. She felt both cold and hot and her chest was so very tight.

She hung on to the steering wheel and concentrated on her breath. “If I can talk, I can breathe,” she said aloud, knowing the act of speaking would make her understand that she was okay.

After a few minutes, she started to calm down. What on earth had happened? Lucas was right—it was just a French fry. Why was she so hysterical?

She supposed a lot of the problem was Jack talking to everyone but her. She was filled with guilt over that. Plus the idea of putting him in day care had her on edge. But she knew she had to keep moving forward. She didn’t like where she was in her life right now. She didn’t like who she’d become. She had to get things in perspective.

She sucked in one last breath, then grabbed her bag and got out of the car. Jack was fine, playing with his toy raccoon, but Lucas seemed wary.

“Better?” he asked, keeping his distance.

“Yes. I’m sorry. Of course we can have lunch here. I like their food.”

As for Jack, well, she would simply have to deal with any consequences.

They went inside and ordered. Lucas got a Double-Double, while she chose a regular hamburger. They agreed to split fries. She asked for water and Lucas got a vanilla shake with an extra cup and spoon.

She gave Jack a small portion of her burger, then put three fries on a napkin. He seemed more interested in pointing at cars driving by the window than eating.

She took a bite and nearly groaned. “I haven’t had one of these in forever. I’d forgotten how good they are.”

Jack ate some of his burger, then nibbled on a fry. He seemed to enjoy what he had but left the other two fries on the napkin. Because he was a kid and had access to tasty food all the time, she thought sheepishly. One fast-food lunch wasn’t any big deal. Life was all about balance, she reminded herself.

“I’m sorry I swore,” Lucas said unexpectedly. “I’ve been trying not to do that in front of Jack.”

“I know and I appreciate the effort. I guess I can be annoying.”

“You think? Maybe you should get your meds checked.”

She grinned. “That bad?”

“Not all the time. You’re loosening up, but you could stand to unwind a little more.”

“I know. I’m doing better. The talking thing threw me.”

“It would be hard on anyone.”

“Thank you.” She sipped her water. “You’re really good with Jack. Ever think about having kids of your own?”

Lucas glared at her. “Way to ruin the mood. No. I’m not the father type.”

“I don’t believe that. Of course, you’re too old, but given the age of your girlfriends, at least one of you would be around to see him or her graduate from college.”

“I’m ignoring you.”

“Then nothing has changed.”

He winked at her. “Sass. I like it.”

They finished their lunch. Jack ate one more fry, then had a spoonful of Lucas’s milk shake.

“Ready to brave the infested, germ-house of a day care center?” Lucas asked.

“Ha-ha. It’s not that bad.”

“That’s not what you were saying before.”

She stood and collected their trash. “I know, but it’s different now. The marvels of the modern pharmaceutical era.”

Lucas grabbed her arm. “It’s not the meds, Jen. It’s you. You’ve been working the program. Give yourself credit. You deserve it.”

“Thank you.” The unexpected compliment gave her a little boost. “That’s nice.”

“It’s true, and we both know I don’t do nice.”

“Is it too old, too?”

He grinned and scooped up Jack in his good arm.

They walked to the SUV. Lucas buckled her son in his car seat, then closed the back door. He opened the driver’s door for her.

“I’m going to head home tomorrow.”

It took her a second to realize what he meant. “You’re leaving?”

“I’ve already started physical therapy. I’ll be back on the job in a week. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

Which was all true, but so what? “I don’t want you to go,” she blurted. “I like having you around.”

“You need more to do with your day. Go back to work. Have another kid. Stay busy. You’re happier when you’re busy.”

He was right, but she knew her wanting him to stay wasn’t that general. “Lucas, you’re family.”

His green gaze settled on her face. “Thank you for that. I feel the same way. But you’re cramping my style.”

She knew he had to get back to his regular life, but still. “We’ll all miss you.” Funny how she started not liking Lucas at all and now she didn’t want him to move out of her house.

“You’ll see me all the time. I promise.”

“Good.”