“Izzy is indeed more docile.” I had the feeling that docile or not, Olivia’s presence at Tolleymuth would have stirred trouble. She was too striking and vibrant to blend in with the other women. She was one of a kind, with a sharp mind and a strong will.
“Since you have been so noble in rescuing me from a perilous fate,” she continued, “I had hoped to find a way to grant you your freedom. Two weeks would give me more time.”
Was that why she’d wanted to wait two weeks for our wedding? Because she didn’t want to impose on me? “And what if I said I didn’t want my freedom from you, my lady? What then?”
“But you do,” she said. “You were quite adamant at the dance that you had no wish to take a bride. In fact, you indicated that doing so would bring you no joy, only displeasure.”
She was right. I had spoken forthrightly about my intentions to avoid Pitt’s scheming, that I’d no desire to remarry, that a woman wouldn’t make me happy. I still believed that to be true, didn’t I?
My steps slowed as I pondered my feelings of late. “I have no doubt the right woman would bring me a great deal of pleasure.” My words were much too bold, but I sensed we needed to speak the truth to survive the realities of our situation. And the truth was, I enjoyed Olivia’s companionship. “But I wouldn’t be able to bring joy to her in return, rather only heartache and disappointment.”
“Are you sure you are incapable of bringing a woman joy?” she asked softly. “You have brought much comfort and happiness to me this day with your kindness.”
Her gentle words commanded my attention. I dropped my gaze to hers to find genuine appreciation in her eyes. And something more: a beckoning.
Was she asking me to give marriage and love a chance?
I quickly glanced away. Surely I was reading into her expression more than she intended.
We reached the top of the stairwell, and I stepped aside at the thickly paneled door that marked the entrance to the tower room to allow my squires to unlock, enter the room, and light the wall sconces. Once inside, I could see that the servants had obeyed my orders to make the room as comfortable as possible.
The bed, though narrow, was blanketed in a clean coverlet. The mattress was full, the sign that the servants had stuffed it with fresh goose feathers. A small writing table, containing parchment, a quill, an inkpot, along with several books, had been placed under the high barred window. The shutters had been thrown back to allow the night air to cool the room.
The servants had placed Olivia’s chest of clothing and other personal items against the opposite wall. They’d followed my instructions and had recovered more of the gowns we’d confiscated from her home and had folded them carefully and laid them on the top of the chest.
I strode across the room and lowered Olivia to the bed. As I released her, I realized suddenly that I had no desire to relinquish my hold. I liked having her close.
Even so, I wrenched my arms away from her, thankful for the presence of the squires waiting outside the door to hold me accountable for my actions. As tempting as it was to linger in Olivia’s room and perhaps steal another kiss from her, I needed to proceed with care.
She snuggled into the mattress and released a contented breath at the same time that her lashes fell to her cheeks.
She lay there, still attired in the headdress and gown I’d chosen for her to wear to the betrothal ceremony, and I could only guess how constricting the items were. But she’d been exquisitely beautiful in them, and she’d been pleased to wear something fine and pretty again.
You have brought much comfort and happiness to me this day with your kindness. Her words rippled through me.
Had I really brought her comfort and happiness today?
I’d failed so miserably to bring Giselle happiness. I’d tried to love her, but I’d fallen short. I didn’t want that to happen again. But what if it did? What if I somehow failed Olivia too?
I took a step away from the bed, away from the temptation she posed.
She didn’t stir. The deep rise and fall of her chest told me she was already asleep.
For a moment, I couldn’t move. I could only watch the tawny firelight flicker in waves across her smooth features, highlighting the elegant lines and slopes in her face.
There was the very real possibility I would marry this woman within the week. And while my stomach flipped and floundered at the possibility, it also seemed to tangle itself into knots with every flip.
Could I give myself permission to attempt to love again and hope to get it right this time? Or should I keep my heart closed off? If I kept the barriers up, I would protect Olivia from getting hurt if I failed her.
The last thing I wanted to do was harm her. But a fear deep inside my bones warned that I’d hurt her no matter which way I chose.
Chapter
16
“What are we doing today?” I asked Aldric as he led me down the spiraling tower stairs.
“You must wait and see, my lady,” he answered patiently. Thankfully, in addition to patience, his voice hinted at humor.
For the past three days, he’d come to my high prison tower every late afternoon. Apparently, Pitt had granted him permission to allow me the reprieve from my confinement only if I remained with him for the duration of the outings.
The first day we’d strolled among the castle gardens. I’d basked in every moment of the sunshine and fresh air, reluctant to return to my room when the time together came to a close.
The next afternoon, because of the rain, we’d walked the long passageways of the castle, and had eventually raced up and down opposite stairwells to see who was the fastest. While Aldric had won almost every contest, we’d laughed breathlessly together after each challenge.
Yesterday had been dismal and rainy again. I’d been delighted when he’d ushered me into a large room in the barracks where we’d practiced sword drills. Although we’d used nothing more than blunt wooden training swords, I’d appreciated the chance to practice my skills. And I’d also enjoyed surprising him and his squires with my abilities.
Today had dawned with brilliant sunshine. I hoped we would be able to spend our time together outside again. Although truthfully, I’d decided it didn’t matter what we did or where we went. His companionship was enough. He was easy to talk to, enjoyable to be with, and challenged me to be better—to be kinder, nobler, wiser—like him.
“I was afraid I would go mad with the waiting today,” I admitted.
Rather than chain mail, he was attired in a silver-blue gipon that fell to his knees. The vest-like garment worn over his shirt buttoned up the front with elegantly embroidered silver buttonholes. The hue made his midnight eyes a shade lighter so that they were a riveting blue.
With his fine garments, along with his dark hair tied back with the leather strap and his face freshly shaven, he was less warrior today and more nobleman. Either way, I always seemed to find myself overly enamored, and I worked hard to temper my desire to stare at him.
“I’m told Izzy spent the greater part of the day with you,” he replied over his shoulder.
“Yes.” I sighed, stepping out of the tower into the long connecting hallway where his squires waited in the arched doorway that led outside. “I enjoy her company. I really do. But our interests are so diverse, and we have little in common.”
“Are you admitting you have a better time with me than Izzy?”
“I shall admit to no such thing,” I teased, “unless you take me boar hunting with you on the morrow.” He’d already warned me he would be gone all day with the hunt and that I wouldn’t see him until much later upon his return. I’d pestered him to take me along, but he’d only shaken his head in refusal.
“It’s too dangerous,” he declared.
“You have witnessed my skill,” I retorted. “You know I am unsurpassed.”
He only chuckled before giving me his usual excuse: “Boars are wild and unpredictable.”
“But I have you to keep me safe.” With him, I was completely protected. He’d rescued me from the dungeons and death. What could befall me now that was any worse?