He sighed. All evening, he’d done nothing but take his bad mood out on her. He owed her better than that. He owed her the truth, no matter how difficult it was for him. “Again, because I’m an ass.”
He sat beside her on the sofa and took her hand in his again, although it took several moments for him to figure out how to word what he had to say.
“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself.”
“Why?”
He sighed. “I’ve still got a crush on you, Claire. Actually, that’s not true and hasn’t been since I came back to town. I think my feelings are deeper than that, though I’ll admit I’m not positive because I’ve never been in this situation before.”
Her hand trembled slightly in his but she didn’t pull away. “The thing is,” he went on, “I’m afraid friendship is not going to be enough for me anymore. At the same time, I know as well as you do that anything more than that is impossible.”
“Is it?” she finally asked quietly, her eyes a soft, glittery blue. “As crazy as it seems, I’m beginning to, um, have feelings for you, as well. I wouldn’t have thought this a few weeks ago. Or even, maybe, a few days ago, but... I think maybe I would like to see where things go here.”
For one instant, joy burst through him, wild and fierce, but as quickly as the next breath went cold and dark like a blazing mountainside doused in fire retardant.
He dropped her hand and eased away on the sofa. “I’ll tell you where it will go. Where it always goes, when it comes to me and women. You said it yourself. You won’t have a fling with me. That’s all this would be. We’ll have a hot, passionate relationship for a few weeks and then I’ll start to feel edgy and restless, smothering in my own claustrophobia, and I’ll do or say something colossally stupid and end up hurting you.”
“Nice of you to give me the program notes ahead of time so I can follow along.”
He glared at her glibness, at that hint of a smile on her features. “It’s not funny, Claire. This is far beyond funny. I’m not willing to do that. This is different. Everything’s different. You’re important to me. Besides that, you’re my sister’s best friend. You’re practically part of the family. You deserve better than to be the latest in a long line of women I’ve ended up hurting.”
What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn’t believe he was being so noble. After all her words a few nights ago telling him she didn’t want a fling with him, Claire Bradford was basically giving him the green light to see how things might develop between them. He ought to just shut the hell up and kiss her, for crying out loud.
Did he have to pick this moment to do the right thing? Yes. When it came right down to it, he didn’t have any other choice. The memory of Maura’s pain and Mrs. Redmond’s anger only reinforced that.
“I’m sorry, Claire. There’s too much at stake here, for you and for me.”
He brushed his mouth against her cheek one last time, burning the scent of her into his memory, and then let himself out.
Sixteen
For the first time she could remember, Claire was grateful for the rapid-fire pace of her life. Juggling all the whirling plates in her life left little time and energy for anything else.
Between end-of-school-year parent-teacher conferences, follow-up doctor appointments for her and the children, the business of running String Fever and the rapidly approaching service day and benefit, the only time she could spare for regret were those few moments just before she crashed in bed each night. She would lie under the Western Star quilt her grandmother had made when Claire was a girl and try to ignore the aching sense of loss for what might have been.
The rest of the time, she was frenetically busy, like now. With only two weeks before the Giving Hope benefit, Claire was pushing herself to finish the most ambitious necklace she had ever created for the auction, in between customers at the store.
She had two customers currently in the store, and they couldn’t have been more different. Janie Hamilton was a plump, pretty, tired-looking woman who had recently moved to town. She sat at the worktable making a colorful pair of earrings out of wire wrap and lampwork beads, while the thin and elegant Sarah Colville, a summer season regular, leafed through a beading magazine for ideas.
“Thank you again for letting me use your tools.” Janie smiled tentatively. “Somehow in the move, I’ve lost a box of supplies and I haven’t had time to replenish them. They were really good quality and I hate to buy inferior products just to get by until I’ve had a chance to look through everything.”
Claire smiled. “No problem at all. I’m glad of the company. How are you and your children settling in after your first few weeks?”
“Good so far. Everyone has been very kind to us.”