“I remember the way you first talked about him. How he first fell in with the anarchists.”
Benny nodded “He was always larger than life.” His palm had a mind of its own as it reached up and cupped her cheek. At first the tingled touch resulted in her soft retreat, but then she settled and his hand rested there. “Like you,” he said.
Merinda smiled and didn’t back away. “Like you.”
* * *
*Well, as much as they could blend in with red faces and soot all over their hands.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
In all matrimonial endeavors, a woman must not expect to be comforted, but rather to provide comfort. A wife’s delicate nature is conditioned to console and put at ease. Whatever worry or hurt nags you, it must take second place to the plight of your husband.
Flora Merriweather, Guide to Domestic Bliss
Ray’s fist was balled by his side, his knuckles white, squeezing away the reflexes that had sent Tony to his death. The friction between his two worlds was extreme, and while Viola kept branding herself on his mind, here was Jem, his Jem, shivering and terrified. His whole new family, unexpected and probably undeserved, seen through a film of tears.
She was slumped against a wall, shivering and hiccuping away her sobs. Ray walked slowly toward her. He wasn’t needed for the moment; Jasper was handling the police matters with his usual aplomb.
Ray leaned down, took a damp strand of hair that tickled her face, and tucked it behind her ear. Her eyes glistened with relief.
His ear popped and crackled. His whole body felt out of balance as he lowered himself beside her. He didn’t reach for her at first but rather let their shoulders brush. After a moment in which they both dazedly stared ahead, seeing nothing, she lay her head on his shoulder, her nose colliding with his collarbone. He stole his arm around her trembling shoulders and pulled her in so tightly he wasn’t sure where he ended and she began. He tucked her head with its hatless, haphazard curls under his chin, and he put off breaking Viola’s heart for a few moments longer.
Several moments later, much calmer, she lifted her head and looked straight at him in the filmy sunlight. “It’s my fault. A-about Tony.”
Ray shook his head. “No, it’s mine,” he said hollowly.
“You saved Jasper.” She gripped his arm.
“I know.”
“And I know if we turned back the clock, you would make the same choice.”
“I wanted him gone so badly. Selfishly. And I feel guilty about that. I wanted to have a life with you. Our life, Jem. Our family. And we could never have that. Not with him dragging Vi around everywhere and treating her so poorly.”
“We will have our life.”
“Your eyes,” he said, pushing away the inevitable a few moments more, “they’re so big. Jem, you undo me when you look up at me like that.”
She coyly said in her rusty, tired voice, “You think my eyes are beautiful.”
“I think all of you is beautiful.” He couldn’t keep his voice from cracking. He wanted to kiss her so deeply that they forgot the world they knew was crumbling around them. He wanted to kiss her so tightly he forgot the world entirely, but his hand was still shaking and a phantom stain was there.
Jasper followed Merinda into her suite. Half-open cases were strewn about the room with socks, garters, and all manner of clothing, feminine and masculine, spilling out.
The dissonance she had felt between them since that day outside Osgoode Hall and Jones’s death had apparently evaporated, that curtain pulled back and their easy camaraderie in place.
“Ray chose me,” he said, and his voice was hollow as if he were standing outside of himself looking back. “And I am not sure I can ever repay that.”
Merinda coughed uncomfortably, bounding on with her own story, having experienced a sacrifice of her own. “Benny wanted to bring Jonathan in for justice.” She looked up at Jasper. “But he didn’t have the jurisdiction to arrest a man outside of Canada, and Benny always follows the rules, doesn’t he?” She laughed sourly. “And he thought he could come here and there would be another ending?”
“There could have been,” Jasper said with his customary optimism, but then his sad eyes met Merinda’s and lingered there awhile.
Merinda rubbed her eyes and yawned. Home was a promise she couldn’t wait to have realized. “Did anyone ever learn the identity of the corpse DeLuca found at the docks?”
Jasper shook his head sadly. “The price of this business, Merinda. More likely than not he was some poor immigrant from Toronto promised a chance at doing something great. Maybe he got on the wrong side; maybe they worried he would let the truth slip.” Jasper’s eyes flittered up and out the window at the grand city surrounding them. “There are too many other people. Important people. With money and names and influence. And men like that corpse are anonymous. They’re swallowed up by all of this.” Jasper shook his head. “I doubt anyone will ever notice he’s gone.”