He lowered his eyes again. “But that was so long ago and I never met her. I was raised by a janitor and—”
He laughed, jarring only because it came out so authentic, the same sound he’d delivered when she’d told him stories about how long it took Ruby to get ready, or how Brother still begged for hog head cheese sandwiches.
“I had a teacher in the fifth grade,” he went on, “and he used to say to us, ‘Nobody’s going to get any free rides in this classroom. The last thing I’d want to do is deprive the world of a good garbageman.’” Renard laughed again, his eyes watering, his voice shaking out into a low-pitched dance. “I never thought he was talking to me.”
“He wasn’t talking to you,” Evelyn said.
Renard took his time answering. “Maybe. Maybe not. Either way. I just want to enjoy these moments with you.” He pulled her to him, and she relented, but she held her head away from his chest.
She tried to relax, but she couldn’t go with it. “I don’t like to hear you talk about yourself that way, what you were saying about the janitor and the garbageman,” she said.
“Aw, I’m just talking, Evelyn, you don’t have to worry about it. I know who I am. I’m just sad, that’s all. It’s been a rough week.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
She leaned closer into him now. “Well, Renard, I haven’t known you long, but I know you well, and the man I fell in love with is a fighter. He wouldn’t let somebody else define him one way or the other. He wouldn’t give up hope, not now, not when he needed it more than ever.”
“Look, if I can get myself back here in one piece, you won’t have to worry about me one way or another, I promise you that.”
“That’s what I mean. Not if.”
“What?”
“Not if, when. Just decide right here and right now that you’re coming back.”
He looked at her as if she had become something foreign to him.
“That’s not something I can decide.”
“It is,” she said. She almost quoted her daddy again but remembered it was the Bible she was remembering. “As a man thinketh, so is he,” she said.
He nodded. “That was one of my mama’s favorite scriptures. They tell me, she knitted it into a pillow, she loved it so. I still have that pillow. When I get back, I’ll give it to you.”
Evelyn sat up, her body stiffening with excitement. “That’s what I mean, baby. You said when. Not if, but when.” She beamed.
“Well, if anything would get me back here, it’s you.”
“What about me?” She smiled.
He traced his fingers alongside the edge of her bra strap. She leaned into him to kiss his neck. Every day since the news of the draft,
they’d gone further than the day before. The night before she had allowed him to rub the outside of her panties, and she’d had to rinse them out when she got home and hang them over the tub. As far as what was coming, she couldn’t say. She always thought she’d wait until marriage, but now that he was leaving, the order of things that had been pumped into her since birth seemed to fold into itself, and she thought this new version of her might be a product of the times, refined under the severity of them, whetted and changed.
“Those eyes, those lips,” he answered. “Kissing them is making me want to put my mouth all over you, baby.”
She moaned, moving onto his lap.
“Andrew said I could borrow his car,” he said. “I could come by and get you. Would that be something you would like?” His voice had softened into a fraction of itself she hadn’t been privy to before. She could feel him pounding against her, the intensity matching the ardor of her heart. She nodded. She lingered for a while on top, shifting herself against his pants until he said he couldn’t take anymore. When they stood to leave, she looked up at him.
“Why’d you do it?” she asked.
“Do what?”
“Why’d you volunteer?”
He shook his head, sighed, shrugged. “They said they would pay for my schooling. Andrew’s mama can’t pay anymore, and I promised myself I would finish, no matter what. What other option did I have, work at Todd’s for the rest of my life, saying ‘Yessir’ to the manager with my eyes on my shoes, pay officers half my pay just so they’ll leave me be?” He paused, looked at her, his brown eyes shining. “It’s no way to live, but I could have survived it if I hadn’t met you. I want better for you; I want better for us.”
Evelyn remembered the episode she witnessed between him and the officer and felt guilty she’d even questioned him. She pulled him to her. “But you don’t agree with Andrew, all those lies he spouted, about it being our duty, about it demanding equality. You told Daddy you didn’t agree.”
“I didn’t know what I thought. I didn’t say one way or another. I only spoke about the matters that felt true to me, but listening to Andrew more, I don’t know. I wonder if this is our ticket to full manhood in this country. Maybe if not for me, for my children.”
When Evelyn got home, Ruby was lying facedown in bed, flipping through one of Mother’s old issues of Life magazine.
Evelyn sat down beside her. “Shouldn’t you be with Andrew?” she asked.
“Hmph, I’m not married just yet, you know. I do have my own life. Anyway,” she went on, “he’s with his family. Normally he asks me to go with them, but these are difficult circumstances, now aren’t they?”
Evelyn smiled. She had been glad for some distance between her and her sister, but she had missed her too. She rested her head on her back.
“What’s gotten into you?” Ruby asked, trying to scoot over but failing.
“Can’t I spend time with my sister without causing alarm?”
“Hmph. You haven’t said two words to me in a month, now you’re laying all on me like it’s not one hundred degrees in this house. Girl, it’s too hot for all that.”
Evelyn sat up, still smiling though. Her sister had turned back to the magazine, but Evelyn could tell she was smiling too.
Evelyn bent over and reached for Ruby’s waist. Their whole childhood, she’d known just where to tickle her. When Ruby was in a bad mood, Evelyn would grab her around the middle, the palms of her feet or under her arms. Her sister would laugh and laugh until spit trickled down her chin, then she’d beg for Evelyn to stop in grunts more than words. This time was the same. They both laughed until tears formed, and Ruby called out, “Girl, you’re crazy. I do believe Renard is running you clear out of your mind.”