Mother Cat was from a time before Lucas. Smelling her, I was reminded of when my world contained no people and no dogs but many cats. I now only dimly remembered what life was like in the den, but her purring now made me feel safe and protected. The scents and sounds came back to me as strongly as if I were nestled up to her side, my kitten brothers and sisters lying next to me.
On her breath I could smell the food that Lucas had been providing her. I understood this, that Lucas did Feed the Cats and gave her food that was not for me. Lucas took care of Mother Cat. Caring for cats was our job.
Mother Cat did not understand how wonderful life could be with a person like Lucas. She was afraid of humans. I knew that even if I tried I could not provide her enough comfort to make her trust his hand, even when he brought food. Cats are different from dogs.
Thinking of Lucas made me feel a bit like a bad dog. I had run off without him, instead of remaining in my spot next to the wall, though it was true that he had changed everything by scaling the fence.
I decided I needed to do Go Home, that if I did Go Home I would be a good dog. I hesitated to leave Mother Cat, because if she remained here I did not know how Lucas would find her to feed her. I wanted her to follow me, but as I turned away from her I knew she would not. I went down the hill and then looked up at her. She was watching me from the crest of the slope, her tail up and lazily twitching.
I wondered if I would ever see my mother again.
*
I did Go Home. Lucas opened the door when I curled up in my special spot. I ran to him, elated, jumping up to be loved, but he was stern with me and called me a bad dog. I did not know what I had done, but I could tell he was very angry with me.
“You can never run off, Bella! You must always Go Home.”
I heard my name and knew I had done the right thing to do Go Home, but he was still angry, for some reason. I went to my dog bed and flopped down there, aching inside because I had made Lucas unhappy.
When Mom came home I jumped up and wagged and she told me I was a good dog, so I figured whatever had happened was past and everyone loved me now.
“How was group?” Lucas asked her.
“Good. Good group tonight. Everyone asked me about Bella—she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to that place. She seems to have formed a special relationship with every single person. What happened with the cats?”
“I didn’t catch any except on video. I also took a shot of the demolition permit and sent it to Audrey at the rescue.”
“Good idea. Maybe she can do something with it.”
“Maybe.”
“Would you e-mail me a copy?”
“Sure. Oh, and Bella ran away.”
I looked up at my name.
“She did?” Mom gasped. “Bella, you ran away?”
I lowered my eyes. Now I felt like a bad dog again, though I had no idea what I had just done.
“I thought it would be a good idea to have her go home and hide on the front porch while I scaled the fence. I was anxious to get started trying to net a cat and didn’t take the time to bring her home first. It was my fault. When I finally gave up on trying to corral the cats in the crawl space and came home, she was nowhere to be found.”
“Where did you go, Bella?” Mom asked.
I wagged. Was I forgiven? It didn’t sound like Mom was angry anymore. I went to her and pushed my head under her hand and she stroked it. Yes!
“I’ll try again tomorrow,” Lucas said. I went to him and he petted me. There was no better feeling in the world than being a good dog to Mom and Lucas. I ran and got the ball and brought it to him to celebrate.
That night, just before bed, we did Tiny Piece of Cheese. I trembled with concentration, watching the treat, until finally he laughed and gave it to me.
I was a good dog.
The next time we did Go to Work, the ground was covered in cold, wet, wonderful stuff. “Snow!” Lucas told me. “It’s snow, Bella!”
I thought snow was the most amazing thing I’d encountered since Tiny Piece of Cheese and also probably bacon. I was still wet with it when Lucas was met at the big building by Ty, who took my leash and led me to the room with the chairs so I could see all my friends. Mack reached for me and I jumped up on the couch next to him and slept pressed up against him for a little while. Mack was the saddest man I had ever met, but he always seemed happier when I saw him. I was doing my job, fulfilling my purpose, providing comfort.
Ty guided me to a room where people were sitting in chairs in a circle. One of them was my friend Drew and he did not take me for a ride, though he did tell me good dog.
Ty gently pulled my leash so we were both in the middle of the circle so that anyone who wanted to see a dog could do so. “Listen up. Anybody got a problem with Bella, you’re allergic or something, tell me now. Otherwise, she’s here to help. She’s got this way of knowing when you’re struggling to find words, you know? She’ll come right over to you. Oh, and last thing before we get started—Bella’s visits to the VA are unauthorized. Everybody copy?”
We spent a long time in the room, just sitting with no treats. One man cried, pressing his face into his palms, and I put my head in his lap, trying to help, doing my job the same way I helped Mom. These were my friends and I wanted them to know they shouldn’t be sad because there was a dog here to give comfort.
Later, Lucas came to visit my friends and call me good dog. As he and I were leaving, Olivia came over to see me. She had a small piece of chicken in her hand that she gave me. I really liked Olivia.
“Want to walk home with us?” Lucas asked her.
“I’ll walk home with Bella. You can come along, I guess,” she replied.
We slipped out the side door. Snow! I jumped in it, lying on my back with my legs in the air.
“You are so silly, Bella,” Olivia told me.
Lucas pulled gently on the leash. “Okay, enough. Let’s go, Bella.” I got to my feet, shaking the water from my fur.
“How is it going with hiding Bella from Dr. Gann?” Olivia asked. I looked at her, hoping that the reason she said my name was that she was going to feed me more chicken, even though I could smell that she didn’t have any in her pockets. Humans can always find chicken and cookies and fish, if they want.
“Ty has got a whole operation. When they have their twelve-step meeting, she stays with them. When Bella’s on the floor with the patients, Ty posts lookouts. They run it like it’s a POW camp and they’re fooling the guards. I think the nurses know but the doctors are clueless. Ty says if Bella gets caught, he’ll say she’s his dog. They’re not going to kick out Ty; all the vets look up to him and he kind of runs the group therapy they have in the evenings.”
As we walked we found a squirrel! It lay flattened on the pavement and gave off amazing odors. The snow around it had melted. I inhaled carefully. It was dead. I knew death; it was a knowledge I had somehow acquired without ever encountering it, the way I knew to lick Lucas when he bent down to talk to me, or the way I knew that what I should do now was roll my shoulder into the squirrel.