“I do. Because once upon a time, he told me that he looked upon the stars and wished for nothing more than me. And that’s not something I can ever let go.”
He nodded and took a step back, putting a respectful distance between us. “I can respect your choice,” he said. “Even if there was never really a choice at all.”
I nodded. “Thank you. That’s a relief, man. And I’m sure there’s a great dude or chick out there for you, you know? Hey! Justin’s single! How do you feel about royalty?”
He smiled at me. “Why don’t we just work on surviving first?”
“It’s been longer than a minute!” I heard Gary shriek behind us. “So, there I was, not even thinking about how my hoof was about to go into a dragon’s asshole when suddenly—”
Fuck my life.
Chapter 15: That One Time Kevin Was Possessed
THE FEAST Vadoma threw in our honor was held in a massive square in the middle of Mashallaha, strings of large paper lanterns stretching out above us. The night air was warm, and the palm trees swayed. People were laughing and shouting, well into their cups by the time I arrived.
I hadn’t seen Ryan when I’d gotten back to Vadoma’s. He wasn’t in the room that we’d been given for the duration of our stay, though our bags were placed at the foot of the bed. Tiggy had said he’d gone off with Kevin to check out the rest of the city. I knew he’d made it seem like he was sightseeing, but as was ingrained in him as a knight, he was most likely running the perimeter, fanning out in circles around Vadoma’s, memorizing every path in and out in case we needed to escape. Strangely enough, that happened to us quite a lot, so I didn’t blame him for doing it.
But I also knew he was avoiding me. Or rather, letting me avoid him. We were assholes like that.
There had been clothes left for me on the foot of the bed. They were soft and brightly colored, the material thinner than what I was used to. The dark green vest had a hood attached, which Gary made me pull up and over my head. “It’ll make you look more mysterious like a wizard should be,” he’d said. “And not like you’re some seventeen-year-old apprentice twink.”
“I’m not a godsdamned twink—”
“Isn’t it funny how the louder you get, the less I listen to you? I wonder why that is.”
The trousers sat low on my hips, held up by a black sash tied around my waist.
“It’s a good thing you manscape,” Gary said approvingly. “Don’t need no man bush trying to crawl out the waistband and scaring the locals.”
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. “I look like I work at a brothel in Meridian City.”
“Yes, how about that. Tiggy! Hold him still just like we planned!”
“Wait, what? Tiggy, don’t you fucking—”
Tiggy came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, then fell back until he sat on the bed. The frame groaned at the weight but didn’t collapse. My arms were trapped at my sides, and my legs were held between his. And it was about that time that I noticed Gary carried a makeup brush between his teeth, a determined look on his face.
“I will curse the both of you,” I snarled at him. “I’m not a girl. I don’t need makeup.”
“Boys can wear makeup,” Tiggy said. “Not just for women. That a social construct.”
I tilted my head back to gape at him.
He shrugged and leaned down to kiss my forehead.
“You are the wisest half-giant I have ever known,” I said reverently.
He was pleased at this, even if he was the only half-giant I had ever known. He was still pretty fucking wise.
“Fine,” I said, looking back at Gary. “But I expect to look like a high-class working girl, not one of those that looks like they work the docks at the Port. You hear me?”
Gary rolled his eyes before descending upon me.
“Okay,” I said when they’d let me up again so I could look in the mirror. “I would totally pay to have sex with me, oh my gods. Why don’t I wear this all the time? I look epic!”
And I did. He’d used the eye shadow sparingly, just enough to create a smoky look around my eyes, almost like I was wearing a mask. Coupled with the hood over my head, the vest opened against my chest, I looked like I could fight crime and get nailed by businessmen, all in the same day. It was glorious.
“Ryan’s gonna get such a boner over me,” I breathed. And maybe then we could stop fighting and fuck around.
“Ugh,” Gary said. “There are just some things you don’t want to hear from your older sister.”
“I am not your fucking older sister, you asswipe. You have decades on me. And not to mention that I have to hear about your shit all the godsdamned time!”
“Well, yes,” he said, arching his evil eyebrow at me. “But I’m the unicorn equivalent of a princess. There’s a difference.”
And I really couldn’t argue with that.
And so there I was, looking like an expensive whore, standing in the center square of the desert city, the stars shining down on me, a unicorn with painted-on eyebrows to my right and a half-giant on my left.
Needless to say, we entered that feast like fucking badasses.
Well. Mostly. People did stop and stare at us, so I figured we must have been at least a little mysterious. It probably helped that the gods decided to bless me right at that moment and send a breeze to wash over me, causing my vest and trousers to billow slightly.
“Why are you walking like you’re in slow motion?” Gary hissed at me.
“Because it fucking looks cool,” I hissed back.
“You look like you’re having a stroke!”
“No, I don’t! I look like I run through the city at night, taking out bad guys while having sex with high-powered executives during the day for tons of money.”
“That’s… huh. Okay. I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“Right. Just go with it.”
“Okay, I can work with this.”
And then he tossed his mane back, eyelashes fluttering, the air beginning to shimmer around him in green and blue sparkles. He snorted heavily, more sparks shooting from his nose.
“Oooh,” the crowd said.
“You need to strut more,” Gary whispered to me.
“I know how to strut!”
“That not strutting,” Tiggy said. “This strutting.” And then he proceeded to strut far better than a being his size ever had any right to. His hips rolled, and he looked like he was made up of large piles of bitchy sass.
“Ahhh,” the crowd said.
“I taught him how to do that,” Gary said fondly.
“I want the crowd to make noises at me,” I said. “Move, it’s my turn.” I shoved my way past Gary, ready to be appreciated and—
“I don’t know that you could be any more ridiculous than you are right now,” a voice said near my ear, which, of course, caused me to squeak, trip over my own feet, and fall face-first onto the ground.
There was silence. Then someone in the crowd shouted, “Thank the gods he’s the chosen one! I know I sure feel safe now!”