But you have to believe me that it’s always been you. I promise. I promise. I promise, because when I look upon these stars, there is nothing I wish for more than you.
“I remember,” I said. As if I could ever forget. As if those words weren’t etched upon my very soul. “That was… smooth. In retrospect. At the time, I thought you were an asshole, but now? Way to go.”
He chuckled. “I am pretty good.”
“Mostly.”
He sobered when he said, “I meant it, Sam. Every word. It’s always been you for me. I loved you even before I knew what it meant. That’s why.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too.”
“Good. Also, I feel it should be said that I will still stab Ruv if he so much as looks at you funny. That’s not jealousy. It’s practicality. And I just don’t like his face.”
“Eh,” I said. “I’ll allow it.”
He leaned in and kissed me, slow and sweet as molasses. And I took everything he was giving me and gave back as much as I could. Because that’s what we did for each other. He might have been my cornerstone, but I wanted to be the same for him, even if he didn’t have the magic I did.
“It’s going to be all right, you know?” he said. “You’ll see. Everything is going to be just fine. I promise.”
And I believed him.
Chapter 8: Getting Bad-Touched by Grandma
“SO,” RANDALL said. “You decided to stop being a chickenshit and face your destiny like a real man?”
I looked at Ryan. “Is it too late to go back into our sex den?”
He made a face at me. “Yes, because you called it a sex den.”
“That’s what it is,” I muttered.
It was the next day after the shirtless pull-up contest, and Ryan had forced me out of the room, with no amount of promises of unlimited blowjays dissuading him from dragging me back out into the real world to face all the problems I would rather ignore. He had training to go to, and I had people to studiously avoid while I made my way down to the labs.
The problem with that was Randall loitering outside of the throne room. He had feigned surprise at running into us (“Oh, well, isn’t this positively fortuitous!”), which led me to believe he’d been waiting for us, like some old crazed stalker wanting to drag us to his basement where he’d dug a hole to keep us in. Knowing Randall, that wasn’t probably too far from the truth. I was convinced that one day, we would either finally understand each other or one of us would murder the other. I was leaning toward the murder side.
“Both of you need to follow me,” Randall said.
“That’s ominous,” Ryan said. “Please don’t hex me.”
“He’s going to put us in his hole,” I hissed at Ryan.
“He’s going to put us where?”
“No, not like that. Gross! Get your mind of the gutter.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about that until you said it!”
“Oh, so now you’re blaming me for your depraved mind? I’ll have you know I was innocent until I met you!”
“You’re friends with Gary,” Ryan said. “There’s nothing innocent about you.”
“Rude,” I said. “Also the truth. I’ll allow it.”
“Please,” Randall said. “Continue to waste my time. This will only better my mood.”
“Sorry, Randall,” Ryan said, bowing low. “I know your time is valuable.”
“I know your time is valuable,” I mocked under my breath.
“At least one of you respects me enough to say so,” Randall said. “Thank you, Knight Commander.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I must have not gotten the invitation to the Randall and Ryan Mutual Jerkoff Society.”
Ryan stared at me, horrified.
Randall’s ancient liver lips twitched briefly.
“He’s not going to hex you,” I told Ryan. “He would have to face my wrath.”
“Wailed the tiny, insignificant speck of dust,” Randall said.
“Please forgive Sam,” Ryan said. “He’s had a… troubling couple of days.”
“Really,” Randall said. “And how do you explain everything else?”
“Um,” Ryan said. “He’s had a… troubling life?”
“I really have,” I said. “Though, I blame a lot of other people rather than myself. It’s easier that way.”
“As enlightening as this has been,” Randall said, “and it truly has been in ways I did not anticipate, we have places to be.”
“See?” Ryan whispered to me. “Ominous.”
I was in complete agreement. “And where are we going?”
“Why,” Randall said, “to face your destiny, of course.”
“You’re doing that on purpose,” I accused.
“Probably,” Randall said. “But then, I’ve never met someone with a destiny before. Gods only know what this is going to do to your ego. I shiver at such a thought.”
“And I have to go too?” Ryan asked nervously. “Surely Sam will be just fine on his own.”
“Traitor!” I gasped, outraged. “Thrown me to the wolves already? What happened to all the promises of love and fealty after I fucked your butt?”
“Randall scares me,” Ryan said.
“This makes me happy,” Randall said.
“I also have knights to train. It’s Wednesday. On Wednesdays, we attach seventy-five-pound packs to our backs and run around an obstacle course in full armor. It’s actually a lot of fun. It boosts morale when we make it a contest.”
“Right,” I said. “Ryan has to go do that thing that just sounds terrible, and I’m sure Morgan needs me to work on my Grimoire in silence without anyone else around talking about things like fate and destiny and blah, blah, blah.”
“Pete’s overseeing the knights,” Randall said. “And Morgan’s waiting for us.”
“Oh,” Ryan said. “Crap. Okay, but. Why do I have to go?”
“You’re Sam’s cornerstone, are you not?” Randall asked. “Though, I suppose if you’re too busy, we can always ask Ruv to stand in on your behalf. I’m sure he and Sam won’t gaze into each other’s eyes at all.”
I couldn’t help but be impressed at Randall’s blatant manipulation of the bastard standing next to me. It was really rather devious, and he knew exactly what buttons to press.
“Ruv’s going to be there?” Ryan growled.
“Absolutely,” Randall said. “Probably wearing less than he did yesterday too. You know, when he won the pull-up contest.”
“He didn’t win—”
“I hope you realize you can’t control me that easily,” I told Randall. “I will never fall for your schemes.”
“I’m the only person standing in the way of you becoming a full-fledged wizard,” Randall said.
“Yep,” I said. “Do you want us to follow you now or…?”
AND OF course Vadoma was waiting for us in the labs. Because that’s how my life worked. She barely even looked up at me as we passed through the door. Randall shut it behind us and clicked the lock, an action wholly unnecessary but probably done on purpose to make the situation that much more awkward.
And it didn’t make the situation any easier to see Ruv standing at her side. He wore a pair of loose-fitting pants cinched at the waist and a vest open at the chest with no shirt underneath.