“No.”
“He told me that a dragon’s heart is a wondrous thing, capable of love and hatred. Of death and destruction. That there were dragons who had rained fire down from the sky. That burnt lands until they were nothing but ruins. That killed because they could, leaving nothing but wastelands behind them. And even though I was young, even though I didn’t know very much about the world, I knew that was wrong. That I could never be a dragon like that. I never wanted to be a villain. I just wanted to make things grow again. So I flew as far away as I could, far away from everyone else, and found a place that looked like a wasteland. That looked like it had already been burned and destroyed. And I stayed here to prove to myself that I could make it beautiful again, even if I could never be beautiful myself.”
Ah gods, how my heart ached.
He looked out at the forest around us, the trees swaying in a breeze, the birds that sang melancholic songs, the lights from actual fireflies, blinking lazily in the dark. “It was my gift,” he said quietly. “I thought it was my gift to a world that had lost its way. That if I could make a little corner of it better, then I wasn’t going to be like one of those bad dragons. That I could be one of the good guys. Does that make sense?”
“More than you could possibly know,” I said honestly. “You’re very smart. And very brave.”
I thought maybe he smiled at me, though it was hard to tell. He could have been just flashing his fangs, the cheeky bastard. “I don’t know about all that.” He hesitated. Then, “Are there… bad dragons?”
“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “There aren’t many left. You’re only the second I’ve ever met. But maybe. I think that if you’re intelligent, if you can form thoughts in your head, there’s a chance that you could be a villain. And dragons are smart. So there might be some that are bad.”
His tongue flicked out. “I don’t want to be bad.”
“I don’t think you are.”
“If I help you, do you think I’d… do you think I’d be doing good?”
“Yes.”
“Even though you don’t know how yet.”
“Yes.”
“You’re asking me to take this on faith, wizard.”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe in it? Do you believe in your friends? In your family? Do you believe in yourself?”
And I didn’t hesitate when I said, “Yes.”
“Your eyes,” he said. “They’re glowing. They’re…. It’s so pretty.”
I felt it coursing through me. “Red, right?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know what that color is?”
“What?”
“I think it’s the color of your scales.”
He gasped. “Really? But it’s… it’s so. It’s so—”
“Beautiful,” I finished for him.
He reared up slowly, curling his body underneath him, eyes flashing in the dark. From the earth below that he’d created, those little lights began to glow again, flashing weakly at first, but then becoming stronger and stronger. He towered above me as the lights rose around us. Those musical notes I’d heard when they touched me before were louder this time around, more vibrant. More real. I didn’t know if they were in my head or if they echoed throughout the dome, but the song they sang was bittersweet and heartbreaking. I could feel Zero in them, feel his doubts and insecurities, his loneliness and desperation. I thought maybe this was a test, that he was showing himself to me, showing me all the different pieces that made the whole of him, the sum of his parts. And it made me wonder if he was seeing the same in me, if he was getting all of my pieces. If he was, what did he see? What did I show?
I was smart.
I did stupid things.
When I loved, I loved fiercely and with my whole heart.
I didn’t make friends easy. A lot of people liked the idea of me, but that wasn’t the same as liking me.
Sometimes I thought maybe Morgan had made a mistake and I couldn’t be what he thought I was.
I worried that I was going to disappoint my parents.
I was scared that one day Ryan would look at me and think he’d made a mistake.
I was angry at Randall, angry at Morgan, and I didn’t know how I was going to get over it. But I had to. I knew I had to and that they didn’t deserve my ire. But I didn’t know how to get past it, even knowing what Morgan had told me.
I wanted to keep my promise and help Gary find his horn. I didn’t know how to do that.
I wanted to keep my promise to give Tiggy a family he could call his own.
I wanted to believe my grandmother, that I was chosen for a reason.
I didn’t know how to do that.
I wanted to believe that Myrin could be saved, that he could be the person Morgan and Randall had loved again. That he could be a brother again. A cornerstone.
I didn’t know how to do that.
I wanted to believe that I could do this. That I could save Verania. That I could save the world. That the faith the King and his son had in me were not misplaced, that any villain that rose in opposition would be struck down because it was the right thing to do, that good would always triumph over evil.
I wanted to do what was right.
I didn’t know how to do that.
“You’re very conflicted,” Zero said, eyes glittering in the light of his magic. “Is that how it is to be human?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve never been anything else.”
“You’re very brave. Like a hero.”
“So are you.” Because he was. Yes, he was a pain in my ass, but I had a feeling that anybody worthwhile would always be a pain in my ass.
“If I did this,” Zero said, “if I helped you, would you help me?”
“To do what?”
“Make the world beautiful,” he said. “I want the world to be beautiful again.”
I smiled up at him. “I think I can do that.”
He leaned forward until his face was inches from my own. His slitted nostrils flared, and he said, “The star dragon told me you would be good. And kind. A little foolish, but that your heart would be as big as a dragon’s. Do you know what he told me about the other?”
I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
“He told me the other was your opposite. That he would bring this world to its knees. That he would lord over everyone and everything. I don’t want that. I just want to grow my trees and flowers. So yes, Sam of Wilds, I will side with you. Because of your dragon heart.”
And then he pressed his snout against my forehead, the lights exploding all around us, and—
Chapter 20: Tripping Balls Again
I GROANED, head pounding, trying to find the will to open my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to sink into sleep, but I knew that wasn’t what I needed to do.
I had to get up.
I had to get up.
I had to get up—
I forced my eyes open.
Everything was bright and shining, and I brought my hand up to my face to shield my eyes and— I was made of stars.
My fingers. My hand. My arm.
All of it was stars.
They reminded me of Zero’s fireflies, his little lights that brought beauty into this world.