It reminded him of the conversation with Charlie. What were they doing with their lives, what did they even hope to do with them? At least Charlie was fixed on the idea of getting back with Darija, as fanciful as that dream might prove to be.
Dan had nothing to aim for, only a continuation of the transient lifestyle he should have grown out of ten years ago. It wasn’t enough, he knew that, but at least it meant he had nothing to lose, that he would never lose anything ever again.
“I guess we can’t say what we’d do, not until we know his reason for coming up here. Maybe the guy was a natural loner, or maybe he just didn’t have much choice.”
She nodded, looked around the room one more time and said, “We should go.”
They walked back in total silence, only the rough sound of their footfalls and the distant indistinct sounds of birds. Insects hovered around them as they walked too, probably the last of the year, before the cold encroached and added a new layer of peace to these woods.
They got back just as Mr. Eklund reached the cabin carrying a large tray. He was elderly, but Dan could see now that he was strong, that he’d labored in his life, either for his work or in the everyday chores of living out here, and he carried the tray effortlessly.
He left them alone to eat and they got beers from the fridge. It was meatballs in a sauce and some sort of dumplings, which amused Inger in some way, though she seemed to enjoy it.
And they talked casually enough, about the small town south of Stockholm where she’d grown up, about the global village in which he’d lived his formative years. They talked more about family, too. And elliptically, they talked about their work.
They washed up afterwards, stacking the plates and cutlery back on the tray, and then sat with another couple of beers in the lounge area. He’d been unsure how he’d get on with her, but now that he was with her it felt as though they’d been around each other a long time; a sense of familiarity that was out of step with the few hours they’d spent together.
He felt comfortable with her, even though he sensed she still had reservations about him, about his work and his past. Then he made a mistake. She swigged from her beer and hiccupped, then looked in danger of having a full-on attack, but held her breath until it had passed, and it was such an insignificant thing, but she looked so beautiful as she sat there, patient, her lips pressed together in concentration.
Before he realized what he was saying, the words had come out, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
She let the breath go, the resultant sigh like a response in itself, as if asking why he had to go and ruin things.
She looked at him for a moment or two, apparently unsure whether to even answer him or not, then she said, “I don’t think it’s any of your business, but I’m gay.”
He tried not to let his reaction show in his expression, not only the disappointment but the fact he would have put money against her being a lesbian. Even now that she’d told him he probably would have bet against it, though that was probably just a mixture of wishful thinking and him knowing nothing.
He smiled, and said, “Girlfriend?”
“That’s also none of your business.” She gave way a little, though, and said, “I’m single right now.”
“I didn’t mean to pry. And I wasn’t coming on to you.” She raised her eyebrows. “Seriously. Look, I’ll admit, I find you very attractive—who wouldn’t?—and I was curious, that’s all, but I still wasn’t coming on to you.”
“I believe you,” she said, though clearly she didn’t. “And it doesn’t matter anyway, now that you know.”
“Yeah, I guess it makes life easier anyway.”
“Oh, we’re here to work. I think maybe I could have resisted jumping into bed with you even if I was straight.” Her delivery was deadpan, but she smiled, giving away that she was teasing him, and said, “And what about you, Dan, does your lifestyle allow you a girlfriend?”
“Never for very long. Sometimes I wish it weren’t so, but that’s how it is.”
She seemed to take in what he’d said, and for a moment she looked on the verge of saying something in response, but then she changed her mind and said, “I have some work to do, on my laptop, but I think first I’ll make some coffee. You want some?”
Her tone was friendly, but business-like, and he knew she’d changed course in some way.
He checked the time, and said, “Actually, I’m pretty wrecked. I think I might turn in early. And we’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
She looked puzzled and said, “A big day how?”