‘I am! And I’m not getting used to this. To life out here. I know you don’t understand that, but I am tired. I am tired of going outside every single day and having to fight my vision and my movement and everything else that’s boxed up inside this fucking thing. I’m tired of every day being a chore.’
‘Sidra, I understand—’
‘You don’t! You have no idea what it’s like.’ The kit tugged at its hair. ‘I have a form that doesn’t suit me right now. Tak gets it, but you don’t.’
‘What, because he’s shon?’
‘Because he’s Aeluon. They all have to get implants in order to fit in.’
‘Yeah, but that’s it right there – they do it to fit in. We live in a society, Sidra. Societies have rules.’
‘You break rules all the time.’
‘I break laws. That’s different. Social rules have their place. It’s how we all get along. It’s how we trust each other and work together. And yeah, there is a big stupid law that keeps you from getting the same deal as everybody else. That’s bullshit, and if I could change it, I would’ve done so a long time ago. But that isn’t the world we live in, and there are some things we have to step carefully around. That is all I am trying to help you do: to help you to fit in so that you don’t attract the wrong attention.’ Pepper pointed at the schematic. ‘This is not going to help you the way you think it will. You want to sit in a house – a house with nothing happening inside – alone, for most of the day, every day.’
‘I’d have the Linkings. I’d have—’
‘You would be alone. Intelligent sapients like you and me don’t do well that way. I don’t care if we’re organic or synthetic or whatever.’ Something pained and angry bled into her voice. ‘AIs aren’t supposed to be left alone. They need people. You need people.’
‘I can’t exist like this.’
‘You can. The rest of us do. You can, too, if you try.’
‘I am trying! You want me to do something I’m not made for! I can’t change what I am, Pepper! I can’t think like you or react like you just because I’m stuck behind the same kind of face right now. This face, stars – you have no idea what it’s like to walk past that mirror by the door every morning, and to see a face that belongs to someone else. You have no idea what it’s like to be stuck in a body someone else—’ Sidra stopped as she realised what she was saying.
Pepper was not a large woman, but even seated, she seemed tall. ‘Are you going to finish that sentence?’ she said. Her tone was quiet, final.
Sidra said nothing. She shook the kit’s head.
Pepper stared at her for a few seconds, her face like stone. ‘I need some air,’ she said. She stood and walked toward the door. She paused before she left. ‘I’m on your side, Sidra, but don’t you ever say that to me again.’
JANE, AGE 15
It had been a pretty good morning. The sun wasn’t too hot, there hadn’t been any dogs, she’d found some promising scrap already, and best of all, there was a huge mess of mushrooms spilling out around the fuel drum in front of her. Jane sat on the ground with her pocket knife, talking to herself as she cut.
‘Aeluons,’ she said. ‘Aeluons are a bipedal species with silver scaled skin and cheeks that change colour. They don’t have a natural ability to speak or hear, so they talk through an implant stuck in their throat.’ She reached down and sliced a thick strip of fungus into nice food-sized pieces. It would’ve been faster to just carve hunks off, but then she’d just have to cut them up again at home. ‘When you meet Aeluons, press your palm into theirs to say hello. Don’t be scared when they talk to you without opening their mouths.’ She brushed clots of dirt from the slices of fungus, then tossed them into her gathering bag (she was pretty proud of that one – it hung well, and the red and yellow fabric she’d found for it was fun, though pretty faded). ‘Harmagians. Harmagians are really weird.’ Owl had told her saying species looked weird wasn’t a nice thing to do, but there weren’t any other species around, were there? She crawled forward into the fuel drum, cutting and cutting. ‘Harmagians are squishy, soft, and have tentacles. They use carts to get around because the rest of us walk faster than them. Don’t touch a Harmagian without permission, ’cause they have sensitive skin. Harmagians usually speak Hanto as a first language, but only the jerkface ones won’t speak Klip to you. They used to own a lot of planets, but then the Aeluons came along and—’
Her knife hit something hard. She wiggled the tip around, trying to get a feel for whatever was beneath. Not metal – too thick. She pried the fungus aside. She blinked. Bone. She’d hit bone.