“That’s a lie! Cuz when Sam died, you never came over, and you never talked to us again! It’s like you died, too.”
A sharp pain stabs through my chest as the weight of this hits me. I can barely fight back the tears. I open my mouth, and find myself unable to speak. I should have come by and checked up on his family after Sam died. I never thought about what James must be going through. “I—I’m sorry, James. I shouldn’t have left you like that. I should have tried…” My voice gives out. Because I don’t know what else to say to make James forgive me. Maybe the reason I avoided their family was because I couldn’t bear to see them without Sam. Because I didn’t want to be reminded he was gone. But this doesn’t matter. I should have been there for James. Instead, I made things harder for him. I abandoned him, too.
“I’m not going home,” James cries.
I wish I could get through to him. But he won’t even look at me. I can’t blame him, though. If only there was something I could do to make it better. It pains me to see him like this. I need to do something, but I’m not sure what. I think of Sam. He would know what to say if he was here. He’s the only person James will listen to right now. A thought occurs to me. Our connection is weakening, but I need to do something. I can’t let James spend the rest of his life thinking Sam hated him.
As I step away from the swing set for a moment, I pull out my phone and call Sam again. He picks up after the first ring.
“Did you find him? Is he okay?”
“I’m with him now. Don’t worry.”
Sam’s voice floods with relief. “Where was he?”
“At the park. Just like you said.”
“I’m so glad he’s safe. Why did he run away?”
“It’s a bit complicated,” I say. “But he thinks you hate him.”
“Me? Why would he think that?”
“James told me you said it to him before you died,” I tell him. “I tried to explain how you didn’t mean it, but he won’t listen to me. I’m not sure what else I can say. But I’ll make sure he gets home safe and everything.”
“Thank you,” Sam says. “For finding him.”
“Of course,” I say. Then I look back at the swings. “But, I need a favor from you now.”
“What is it?”
“I want you to talk to James,” I say.
“Julie…” Sam starts.
“I want you to do this for me, okay? Please, before this call ends. He needs you.”
A brief silence as he considers this. “But our calls are weak as it is … this could really harm our connection,” Sam warns me. “Are you sure?”
I take a deep breath. “I’m sure.”
James is staring at the ground as I approach him again. I kneel down to him, holding out my phone.
“Listen, James. There’s someone I want you to talk to, okay?”
He looks at me. “My parents?”
I shake my head. “Why don’t you see for yourself? Here…”
James puts the phone to his ear, listening. I know the moment he hears Sam’s voice, because his eyes widen, as if he’s making sense of it. After a minute on the phone, when James starts weeping into his shirt, I know he realizes it’s truly Sam. And the two of them are suddenly reconnected. I stand back quietly, giving them this brief unexplainable moment together. I catch a few things from their conversation. They talk about being strong for their mom, about taking care of the family while Sam’s gone, about how much Sam loves him.
But since our connection is breaking, the call doesn’t last too long. When James hands the phone back to me, Sam and I only have a few seconds to speak.
“Thank you for this,” he says. “But I have to go now.”
“I understand,” I say.
And then the call ends. Just like that.
* * *
James and I hold hands as we leave the park together. I text Sam’s mom for the first time in a while, letting her know I found James and that we’re on our way back. When Sam’s house rises into view, his mom is there standing at the driveway, waiting for us. Her face breaks into a smile when she spots us, as if we haven’t seen each other in years. When she puts her arms around me, we hug each other tight, and I don’t know which one of us starts crying first. Sam’s mom takes James by his other hand as we walk inside the house to greet his dad. After I help set the table, the four of us sit down together for dinner for the first time in what feels like too long.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN