There’s a long silence before he answers.
Sam lets out a breath. “Yeah I know … I’m still processing it.”
A chill goes through me. A part of me wanted to hear a different answer. Something that could bring him back to me. “So am I imagining all of this?”
“You’re not imagining anything, Julie. I promise, okay?”
Another promise. Without an explanation. I grip the phone tight, trying to keep it together. “I still don’t understand how this is possible. How are we talking to each other?”
Sam goes quiet again. I move the phone to the other ear, waiting for his answer. “Honestly, Jules, I don’t really know,” he says. “All I know is that you called me and I picked up. And now we’re connected again.”
“It can’t be that simple, though—” I start.
“But why can’t it be?” Sam asks me. “I know this doesn’t really make sense right now. But, maybe we don’t need to complicate it with questions we don’t know the answers to. Maybe we can just enjoy this chance for what it is. For as long as we have it.”
I glance at the walls, thinking this over. Another chance. To be connected again. Maybe he’s right. Maybe this is a gift or a glitch in the universe. Something far outside the realm of our understanding. I remember something from last night. “When I was outside the café, you said something else. You said you wanted to give us a second chance at good-bye. You said that’s why you picked up. Did you mean that?”
Sam takes his time to answer this. “At some point, I think we both need to say it. But you don’t have to worry about that right now, okay?”
“So … until then, I can still call you?”
“Of course. Whenever you need me.”
“And you promise to pick up?”
“Always.”
Always.
I close my eyes and take this all in. It doesn’t take long for my mind to drift back to before. Before everything changed and all the plans we made were still in place. Before Sam died and I could reach out to touch him and know he’s there. Before everything was taken from us. On the other line, I sense Sam is doing the same. When I open my eyes, I find myself alone in my room. As I think of Sam, and this second chance we have, a question comes to me. I know I asked this before, but he never gave me an answer. “Where are you, Sam?”
“Somewhere,” he answers vaguely.
“Where?”
“I can’t really say. At least, not right now.”
For some reason, I sense I shouldn’t push him on this. “Is it anywhere I’ve been?”
“I don’t think so…”
I try to listen to the sounds on his end. But I can’t hear anything else.
“Can you at least tell me what you see?”
He takes a moment. “An endless sky.”
I look over to the window. The curtain is partly drawn, so I walk over and pull it out of the way. The window is already unlatched when I push it open, letting a breeze roll in as I look out past the roofs of the houses, beyond the tops of the distant hills, and out toward the sky. I feel Sam listening. I ask him, “Are we looking at the same one?”
“Maybe. I’m not entirely sure.”
“I’m guessing this is all you can tell me.”
“For now, at least. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say to ease him. “I’m just glad you picked up the phone.”
“I’m glad you called me,” he says. “Thought I’d never hear from you again.”
Tears form behind my eyes. “I thought I lost you forever. I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. I missed you infinity.”
I don’t question him further on what’s happening. At least, not right now. I just take this for whatever it is, and breathe in this impossibility of being reconnected to someone I thought I lost, no matter how ridiculous it seems. The rest of our phone call goes on like a daydream, as I continue to question what is real and what isn’t. I’m wondering if any of it matters. We talk about ordinary things, and it feels like old times again. I tell him what Yuki and the others said at lunch. I tell him about the rest of my day at school, like my conversation with Oliver. Seems like something from my imagination, but there are things I can’t explain. It would be easier to tell myself none of this is real, but then I see the physical objects in the room that shouldn’t be there. The shirt, the bracelets, the other bookend. How could I have gotten these if he hadn’t told me where the spare key was?
Questions fill my mind, but I push them aside for now and allow myself to live in this beautiful strange rabbit hole I’ve fallen into. I don’t care how any of this is possible. I have Sam back. I don’t want to let him go.
CHAPTER FIVE