Ivy and I have fallen right back into old patterns. With Mateo, I’m trying to start new ones. It occurred to me, when I reflected on my Sugar Babies sabotage from years ago, that I’d always been a little threatened by him. Not as a romantic rival, but a friend rival; I’d thought Ivy and I were the closest in our trio, and I didn’t like finding out that I was wrong. So I tried to protect our twosome, instead of giving it room to expand. After everything the three of us went through with Coach Kendall, though, it couldn’t have been clearer that while Ivy and I make an okay team, we’re a lot better when we’re balanced with Mateo.
So I’m disappointed when my next text is from him. Couldn’t find anyone to switch shifts at the shelter, so I can’t make the exhibit after all. I’m really sorry.
No worries, I text back with a sigh. The shelter comes first.
Wes, who’s now hyperalert to even the slightest change in my mood, puts down his coffee mug and asks, “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing major,” I say. “Mateo can’t come to the Kusama exhibit tonight. And Ivy has plans with Emily, so—I guess I’m going alone.”
I got tickets to see the Yayoi Kusama exhibit at the Institute of Contemporary Art in South Boston back in early September, when I thought Lara might go with me. Kusama does these multimedia installations called mirror rooms where you walk through an exhibit filled with lights and mirrors and art. It’s supposed to be a one-of-a-kind immersive experience. Just looking at images online has gotten my creativity flowing, and I’ve been excited to see it live. But the idea of not having anyone to talk about it with afterward makes me feel deflated.
“Could you get an extra ticket for Emily?” Wes asks.
“No way. They sold out almost as soon as they went on sale.”
“Why don’t you ask one of your new friends?”
“Um…” I glance at the last of my texts, which is from Ishaan. You going to Lindsay’s party tonight? “I don’t think my new friends would be interested.”
“You never know until you try,” Wes says brightly.
He has a point, I guess, so I text Ishaan a link to the ICA’s Kusama page and say, Can’t, I’m going to this. I have an extra ticket, do you want to come?
Ishaan texts back almost immediately. Looks weird.
I toss my phone onto the table, trying to push down the restless anxiety that’s been my constant companion lately. That kind of response almost makes me miss Lara, which I’d really rather not do. But even though my social circle has expanded in a positive way lately, sometimes I still feel like the odd man out.
Wes is eyeing me with concern, so I force a smile. “I think I’m gonna make chocolate chip pancakes. You want some?”
“I would love some,” Wes says, getting to his feet. “And so would your father, who should’ve been up half an hour ago. Let me get him.”
I wait for him to leave the kitchen before I go to the refrigerator. It’s pointless to get down about going to the Kusama exhibit alone. It’s not that big of a deal, especially when I stack it against everything that happened last month. But it’s been hanging over me as an event I’d planned with Lara in mind, and it would’ve been nice—symbolic, in a way—to replace her toxic presence with someone else. Anyone else.
I put eggs and milk on our kitchen table and head for the stove, then pause and turn back when I hear my phone buzz. It’s a follow-up text from Ishaan.
I’m into it. What time?
YOUTUBE, IZ CHANNEL
Ishaan and Zack are sitting on an overstuffed sofa in Ishaan’s finished basement, using a wide shot that shows Emily perched at the edge of a chair to their left. Ishaan has a sharp new haircut, and Zack is wearing a trendy leather jacket.
ISHAAN: Emily, you know what we’re gonna ask.
EMILY: The answer is no.
ZACK, fussing with the cuffs of his jacket: Did you even check with her?
EMILY: I don’t have to. There’s no way Ivy will ever agree to let you interview her.
ISHAAN: Can’t you convince her? (Clasps his hands together in a praying motion.) Come on, Emily. It would be so badass if she did.
EMILY: Believe it or not, Ivy doesn’t care whether you, or anyone else, thinks she’s badass. Things are finally getting back to normal for her, and she doesn’t need to be reminded of the worst day of her entire life.
ZACK: Views would go through the roof, though. (Lowers his eyes while tugging on his cuffs again.) These sleeves are too long but they’re also…not long enough. It’s so weird.
EMILY: I’m not sure why you keep expecting me to help you with this, when you can’t even book your own friend as a guest.
ZACK, not looking up: Have you met Mateo?
EMILY, turning to Ishaan: What about Cal? Aren’t you guys buddies now?
ISHAAN: Yeah, but Cal has a complicated relationship with the show.
EMILY: Is that because it only recently acknowledged his existence?
ZACK: Maybe we could try getting hold of Charlie again. (Gives up on his cuffs and pushes his sleeves up.) That boot camp school has to let him use a phone eventually.
ISHAAN: I don’t know, man. The place is hard-core.
EMILY: Or—and I know this is a radical idea, but hear me out—you could talk about something that’s not related to the Coach Kendall case.
ISHAAN, blinking: Why would we do that?
EMILY: Maybe because there’s a whole other world out there? And what’s even left to talk about? It’s been six weeks since he was arrested. Everything is settling down, and people are moving on. I know Ivy is.