“Farron, it’s okay. I’m here. We’re safe right now. Nothing like that’s going to happen again, alright?” Rosalina’s hands are on the side of my face, and she guides me down to a sitting position. “Let’s breathe together. Deep breath in, hold at the top, and out.”
I close my eyes and concentrate on her voice, letting her guide me. Finally, my heart feels like it’s not going to rip free from my chest, and I bat my eyes open.
She’s right in front of me, smiling softly.
“You’re still here. Even though you know the truth about me.”
“Oh, Farron,” she whispers. “You came for me when I was at my lowest. That’s what we do. We stay together.”
I lean against her chest. “Do you understand now why my mother doesn’t trust me? Why the people have no faith in me?” My voice wavers. “Why I won’t be able to stop this winter?”
She pulls me to my feet and puts her hands on her hips. “You’re not alone, Farron. You’ve got three other High Princes and one human to help you. Besides,” she spins around and stares up into the towering trunk, “think of this tree. It’s thriving in adversity, still growing amidst the destruction. You have the same resilience.” Her eyes sparkle with determination. “Bloom among the ashes.”
“I wish I had your optimism.”
She turns to the stacks. “What are all these books? They must have been important if they were kept within the tree.”
“After the fire, the most precious books kept at Keep Oakheart were moved in here for safekeeping. Family histories, diaries of ancient rulers, that sort of thing. But most of these books were kept hidden for good reason. Some knowledge should not be pursued, for the rewards are too uncertain.”
“You mean these are evil books?”
“Grimoires,” I correct, “filled with twisted and dark spells. Unfortunately, we will find no aid here.”
“But maybe there’s something—”
My heart pounds in my chest, and I tug at the collar of my shirt. “Rosalina, I’ve already tampered with enough dark magic. If you do something wrong with one of these spells, it could make everything worse.”
Rosalina runs a finger down the spine of one of the books. “The goblins that attacked the library… Did Caspian send them?”
“Maybe. He’d betrayed Kel at that point and had fully joined the Below’s forces. But I think more likely it was Sira.”
“Sira?”
My throat tenses to even speak her name. “Yes. Someone even Caspian is afraid of.”
Before I can tell her more of the Queen of the Below, Rosalina leans against a shelf, her shoulders shaking. “Rosie? What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been keeping a secret from everyone. I think I’m afraid of the answer.”
“What?”
Her brown eyes sparkle as she turns to me. “I can hear him in my head. Caspian. He talks inside of me.”
At first, I’m about to laugh. It’s an impossible notion. But the fear in her gaze stops me. She’s serious. “When did this begin?”
“At the Solstice Ball.”
Cold slithers through my body. I’ve read about telepathic conversations before. Read about them when we were researching… No. I shake my head, refusing to dwell on the thought. It must be another one of his tricks, another seed of his foul magic.
I knead the bridge of my nose, careful to keep my expression neutral. I don’t want to worry Rosalina until I’ve researched this myself. “There’s so much we don’t know, especially about the Below. I’m sure there’s some sort of reason for it. But… I wouldn’t tell Kel.”
“Caspian did something really terrible to him, didn’t he?”
I sigh. “You have no idea.”
A brightness returns to her voice, and she smiles, though I know it pains her. “Maybe one day he’ll trust me enough to tell me why.”
I take her hand and lead her out of the tree and into the bright sunlight. The trees rustle with ancient songs the fae no longer have the words for. “I hope so.”
“Maybe I’m wrong, but at the dinner last month, it seemed like there was a history between the five of you. Almost like you were all once… friends.”
I touch the thorn choker around my neck. Though I hate the hideous thing, Caspian has been true to his word. It has controlled my beast each night and kept my loved ones safe. “We all learned the hard way that there can be no true friendship with someone from the Below. They’re not like us, Rose. They see the world as something to be conquered.”
Her gaze is faraway, staring down into the ash-covered dirt. “I don’t know. Sometimes, I get the feeling he’s really lonely.”
“Trust me. Even if Caspian wanted to abandon the Below, he couldn’t.” She opens her mouth to press me further, but I can’t stand to think of Caspian anymore, of his goblins raiding our villages, of his thorns draining Castletree. Draining me. Quickly, I say, “Hey, I almost forgot. I have something for you.”
I fish in my pocket and pull out the moonstone rose locket.
“Oh my gosh.” She snatches it from me, holding it up to the sun until it glitters like a prism. “You did it! You really fixed it.”
“I’m pretty good with my hands,” I mumble, face suddenly hot.
She passes it back and turns around, moving her braid aside. I trail it over her chest and take my time doing the clasp, savoring the beauty of her long neck, of the smell of roses each time she swishes her hair. “You know, this is the sigil of the Queen.”
“What?”
“This rose.” I dust my fingers over it. “How did your father come by it, anyway?”
“It belonged to my mother. She was an anthropologist, and he was an archeologist. They worked together on a bunch of different sites. I bet she found it on one of her expeditions.”
“It’s a strange miracle you can use it,” I say.
“Well, maybe there’s more to both of us than we give ourselves credit for.”
“I hope you’re right.”
We head away from the wreckage. I thought I’d feel lighter after telling her, but I’ve only reminded myself what a coward the Autumn Realm has for a ruler.
Rosalina looks over her shoulder. “You know, my father did several excavations recovering artifacts from burned sites. He might find something salvageable.”
“He’s more than welcome to look, but I’m afraid it’s a futile cause.” I close my eyes. “The spells that could have stopped this frost are lost.”
I blink open when I feel her soft touch against my cheek. “Fire may have destroyed the past, but it’s what will save our future. We only have to be brave enough to discover it.”
Light filters through the trees, creating pockets of brightness and shadow across her skin. She’s so beautiful. The way the sunlight flickers off her hair, her long dark lashes as she lowers her gaze. I’ve laid before her my most seared edges, and she hasn’t run. She only draws closer…
I wish I could tell her she’s right, that I’m not afraid anymore. I wish I could sweep her into my arms and kiss her. I want to know her in the way I know my favorite books, read her front to back and savor every sentence, learn every secret between the lines of her life. I wish I could discover all the ways to love someone with her.
But she is Kel’s mate, and my own bond is a tangled mess inside of me. We don’t have a future together.
And if we do, it’s only one that will end in heartbreak for the both of us.
46
Keldarion
“On your left,” I growl and swing my sword in an arc just as Ez slides along the frost-covered ground. My blade embeds in the shoulder of a winter wraith, its face a terrifying mask of frozen bone and frostbitten skin. I grab its skull in my hand and blue flame lights across my palm. The creature screeches as its flesh melts beneath my touch.
Rain tings off Ezryn’s armor as his boots squelch in the mud. “Behind you!” he roars, and I turn, scarcely managing to raise my sword up to stop the slashing claws of another frozen corpse.
The hideous wraith gasps, then drops, the fiery burn of an oil-soaked throwing ax sticking out of its back. I nod at Ez, and he turns back to the other four aberrations.