She watched him as he opened the packet and rolled the condom down over himself, her attention so intent that he gave her a crooked little smile as he came back over her.
“Will there be a quiz later?” he said.
She clutched his upper arms, braced on either side of her head. “Well,” she said, “I’ll want to know how to do it for next time.”
Something flickered over his face, so fierce and tender it almost took her breath away, but then he was kissing her and she felt him nudging her legs apart. He dipped one finger inside her, the sensation so unexpected that she felt her body spasm as he rubbed her swollen clit.
And then his hand was gone and he slid into her for the first time and her breath really did catch in her throat. For a moment all she could do was grasp tighter at his arms, like she needed the support even though she was already on her back.
“You good?” he asked softly, his gaze on her face.
She nodded, feeling her breath come back as she tilted her hips a little, encouraging him deeper. And then they found their rhythm, her hands coming down to clench his bare ass, her knees bracketing his rib cage as he thrust into her. She wasn’t expecting to come, was feeling no particular pressure to after he’d already gotten her off with his mouth, but she could feel it building inside her nonetheless. At this angle, he filled her so completely, his pubic bone grinding against her clit, and she closed her eyes as she felt a wave of pleasure roll through her body. It was softer than her first orgasm but no less potent, turning her limbs to jelly.
“Asa . . .” she breathed, and then he was coming, too, his cheeks flushed as his body shuddered in release. He glanced down at where their bodies were still joined before looking back up at her.
“Holy fuck,” he said.
She couldn’t lie—it was quite gratifying to hear him say that. She stretched under him, feeling sated and a little smug. He pressed a hard kiss to her mouth that reminded her of the one he’d given her the morning after their night at Cold World—like he was declaring something, or sealing something. Then, she hadn’t known what. Now, she dared to hope.
He finally rolled off her, disappearing into the bathroom for a minute to take care of the condom and wash his hands before returning to her. She lay on her stomach now but hadn’t bothered to cover up, and for a few minutes he just lay next to her, rubbing small circles on her lower back.
She turned her head on her pillow so she was facing him, trying to judge from his expression what he might be thinking. Kiki’s voice intruded then—Asa is fickle—but Lauren pushed it out of her head. He’d given no indication that this was a onetime thing for him, had he?
“You didn’t flush the condom, right?” she asked. “If anything happens to those pipes they’ll take it out of my security deposit.”
She could’ve kicked herself. They just had sex, and that was the first thing she thought to say? It was so classic Lauren that all her old insecurities and fears came rushing back.
But Asa only smiled, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.
“I threw it in the trash,” he said. “Your security deposit’s safe with me.”
She wanted her heart to be safe with him, but that felt like too much to even think about right now, much less bring up. No matter how much he said he liked her as she was, she didn’t want to scare him off.
“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?” he asked.
It was with that imperative in mind—don’t scare him off don’t scare him off—that Lauren gave a little shrug. “I need to go grocery shopping,” she said. “I have two books to read before they’re due back to the library next week. What about you?”
“My sister’s baby shower started”—he reached over her to grab her watch off the nightstand, grimacing at whatever number he saw there—“forty minutes ago.”
She shifted so she was on her side, facing him fully. His gaze flickered down to her breasts, the way this new position squeezed them together. Desire kicked in her belly just from that warm, focused attention, but she also didn’t want to risk any distraction for this conversation that seemed like it could be important. She drew the covers back over them both.
“You should’ve told me,” she said. “I wouldn’t have let you oversleep.”
“I wasn’t planning on going, anyway,” he said. “My parents will both be there, and I haven’t seen them since . . .”
He didn’t finish that sentence, but he didn’t have to. She knew the answer with heartbreaking precision because she could see the numbers tattooed on his chest. Lauren couldn’t blame him for not wanting to see them again, but she also thought it curious that he’d brought it up at all, if that were the case.
“What about your sister? When was the last time you saw her?”
He adjusted the pillow under his head, pausing as if he had to think. But something told Lauren that he knew full well what the answer was, and was delaying for another reason—because he didn’t like to think about it, maybe, or because he was worried it would reflect badly on him, this lack of contact between him and his family.
“A couple years ago,” he said finally. “We’d met up a few times, since I left home . . . the last time was at a coffee shop a few weeks before she was getting married. I thought it was only decent that I tell her in person I wasn’t going to come to the ceremony, and she . . . didn’t take it well. She said I was selfish, that I was ruining the biggest day of her life. She was probably right. I should’ve just sucked it up and gone. It would’ve been half a day of bullshit, but when it was all over I would’ve come home to my friends and my life, and at least I wouldn’t have been the piece of shit who couldn’t even muster the courage to go to his own sister’s wedding.”
His gray eyes searched her face, as if needing to see understanding reflected there. “Now, I don’t know if I avoid her because I’m still angry with her for not being there for me over the years, or because I feel guilty for not being there for her. It wasn’t fair of me to expect her to take sides, much less my side against them.”
“I don’t have any siblings,” Lauren said, unnecessarily. Of course Asa already knew that. “Maybe it was for the best—I saw a lot of siblings split up in the foster system, one placed with a relative while another was in a group home, that kind of thing. But I also saw a lot of siblings who only had each other, whose resilience came in part from having that one person who knew exactly what they were going through because they were going through it, too. If my parents kicked my little brother out of the house solely because they didn’t like that he kissed other boys, I’d take his side so fast it would make their heads spin. I think it’s fair for you to expect that kind of support from your sister.”
“Well,” he said, giving her a crooked smile. “I do consider you the ultimate arbiter of what’s fair. So thank you.”
He reached for her hand, and she thought he was going to hold it, but instead he circled her wrist with the watch strap, his tongue at the corner of his mouth as he worked to adjust the buckle. Once it was secure, he kissed her palm.
“I’ve fantasized about you just like this,” he said. “Naked except for your watch.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “That’s what does it for you? You have a real thing for timepieces?”
He laughed. “It’s weird, what I suddenly have a ‘thing’ for. Don’t get me started on those tights you wear to work.”
She wouldn’t have minded getting him started, actually, but she reminded herself no distraction. There would be time enough for that. “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” she asked.
Asa’s fingers were in the strands of her hair that had fallen over her shoulder, twisting the ends in a gesture she wasn’t even sure he was fully conscious of. “That depends,” he said. “Any chance you’d be up for going to a baby shower with me?”
Chapter
Twenty-Two
This was a mistake. This was a mistake. This was a mistake.