“I’m so sorry she did that to you.”
“Oh, it gets so much worse.” He laughs, but it’s humorless. “This thing between her and her boyfriend was super toxic, one of those relationships everyone loves to hate. So when she found out she was pregnant”—what the fuck—“she told her older brother, who’s a hockey player at UCLA, that she’d been ghosted. I’d blocked her when I found out about the boyfriend. She wouldn’t give them my name, just that it was someone on my team thinking that’d be the end of it, but it wasn’t. They trashed the rink.”
“Oh, Russ.”
“I wanted to drop out because of it; I was so embarrassed. If Nate hadn’t literally held my hand through it, I would have. It was bad enough when I thought it had been trashed because of her boyfriend but this was so, so much worse. Everyone was talking about it, I had to go to meetings about it until it was proven I hadn’t done anything. It was a fucking mess.”
“You have no reason to feel embarrassed! You’re the victim in all of this. You didn’t do anything other than hook up with a girl at a party and there’s nothing wrong with that. You could have hooked up with every girl at that party, it still doesn’t make someone using you as a scapegoat okay.”
“That’s what Stassie and Lola say, but I haven’t been able to shake the guilt. When I’m on campus, I’m wondering if people are thinking about it when they see me. I hate having to play UCLA knowing that’s what they’ll all be thinking about.”
“I hate that this has been eating at you. When something happens it feels so huge to you, but that’s because it’s happening to you, but in reality, most people don’t know or care. If everyone was talking about it like you feel like they are, I’d already know everything. I just heard there was some damage. Nothing about you.”
“You really didn’t know?”
“No! I promise I didn’t. But someone took advantage of you, Russ. You gotta stop punishing yourself for it.” I stroke his face with my thumb and he kisses the palm of my hand. “If you overthink it, you won’t be able to move on. So what, a rink got trashed? It’s not like somebody died! Do you know how much stuff I’ve trashed by accident?”
“Some fence lines I’d guess.”
“That wasn’t an accident.” I roll my eyes, leaning in closer. “But my point remains. You’re a great person, your friends love you and the dogs love you. That’s all I think about when I think of you. How easy you are to l— like.”
“I don’t know why I’m bringing it up now. I’m sorry, have I fucked up our first date already?” His eyes shut and he sighs, sinking further into the pillows.
Sometimes I want to shake this man, because he doesn’t realize how happy him handing over those pieces of himself he keeps so tight to his chest makes me.
“You voluntarily sharing something that’s personal to you makes this the best date, Russ. I promise. Thank you for trusting me with the full story.”
His eyes open slowly. “Can I have that post-sharing kiss you promised now, please?”
I can’t help but smile as I lean in. “Of course.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
RUSS
I hadn’t intended to tell Aurora about Leah when we got here and, on reflection, it’s probably not the most suitable topic of discussion for a first date, even if she says it is.
But Aurora makes everything feel lighter.
A few sentences about something that’s been plaguing me for almost a year and I feel better. All she did was listen and hit me with an if everyone was talking about it I would have known—and the slightly more dramatic: nobody died.
I don’t know why I decided to tell her right now. Maybe because she called me too good to be real and I know I’m not. That’s one of the stories that proves I’m not and, by me telling her, she’s not being mis-sold on what she thinks I am.
Sharing things you’ve kept so close to you is exhausting. “Can I have that post-sharing kiss you promised now, please?”
“Of course,” she says softly, leaning in.
My hand cups her cheek, thumb brushing gently across her skin as her lips meet mine. She tastes like hot chocolate and when I pull her body closer to mine, she immediately complies. “I love this,” I whisper against her mouth.
“Making out?” I guide her leg over mine until she’s straddling my hips. Her hands pull the duvet around her shoulders, then link around my neck, cocooning us. My hands slip beneath her sweatshirt, tracing my fingers along her spine with one hand, manoeuvring her flush to me with the other.
“Having you to myself.”
Aurora brushes her nose against me, lightly pressing kisses against various points of my face. The corner of my mouth, my temple, the tip of my nose. “Considering how many times a day you remind the kids to share, it’s pretty funny you’re so bad at it.”
She rests her forehead against mine and my arms wrap around her waist, holding her tight. “I’ll happily share everything but you.”
I’m forced to let go when she sits back, letting my hands sit on her hips instead. Face illuminated by the moon. She looks at me with an uncertainty I’m not used to seeing from her. “They’re pretty words, but do you really mean them?”
As needy as it sounds, I hate the small distance between our bodies right now, but I hate how unsure she looks in this moment more. Being so candid with someone would usually make me anxious. I just shared a big thing with her, voluntarily I should add, so it’s a lot for me to continue to put my thoughts and feelings out there. It isn’t a secret I’m not amazing with women and, under normal circumstances, I’m pretty sure I’d be sitting scared, waiting for them to be stomped all over.
I don’t feel like that with her; I want to be close to her.
“Your attention is a gift, Aurora. I have no intention of not valuing the time I get with you.”
“God, Callaghan. Why do you have to be so freaking sweet?” she mumbles, looking down at her hands fiddling with the hem of my sweatshirt.
“I’m only like this with you. You’re the only person who’s ever made me want to be like this, Aurora. You’ll never have to question if you’re wanted. You’ll never have to question if you’re my first choice.” My heart is hammering in my chest as the words pour out of me. The duvet is still draped over her shoulders, making it easier for me to pull each side, pulling her body down to mine again. “You are.”
Whatever else I was about to say doesn’t happen because her mouth crushes against mine, her hands settling on either side of my face as her hips roll against me sending electricity shooting up my spine as I groan, flexing my hips into her. I’m burning beneath her touch and as all the blood in my body rushes south, I’m so happy I told her how I feel while I could still focus on speaking.
“I don’t want to share you either,” she says, her mouth travelling along my jaw line. Her teeth nip at my earlobe, while warm breath tickles my neck. I roll us over until she’s pinned beneath me with her legs crossed at the bottom of my back.
I grind myself into her, enjoying the way her eyes roll back and her breathing hitches. We’re both still fully dressed, but the flimsy cotton separating us does nothing but prove how perfectly I fit between her thighs. Her tongue moves against mine, back arching to push her breasts into me. “My perfect girl,” I mumble as I move to kiss down her neck.