I take my time heading toward the campfire area, not wanting to bump into my great friend Clay on the walk, and when I reach everyone, the kids are all sipping hot chocolate and looking exhausted, winding down from their day of partying.
“Why do you look so pleased with yourself?” Emilia asks as I take a seat in the camp chair between her and Xander. Russ is chatting to Maya on the other side of the fire, so it feels safe to share.
“Clay tried to kiss me in the pantry and when I stopped him, he told me he wasn’t trying to kiss me.”
Xander’s laughter is louder than the campers combined and he slaps a hand over his mouth as all the kids begin to look at him. “Sorry,” he scoffs. “What did you say?”
“I told him he’s a great friend.” That sets Xander off again and I have to wait for him to stop. “I wasn’t misinterpreting, I swear. He was right up close with his eyes closed, leaning in. And he’d just invited me to Cabo.”
“How lucky are you,” Emilia snickers. “You love Cabo.”
“I told him my passport is expired.”
The kids are all too worn out to want anything, so the rest of the evening is spent with Xander and Emilia laughing, mainly at my expense. By the time the kids are going to bed and we’re heading back to our cabin for an early night, I think Emilia and Xander have talked about every silly thing I’ve ever done.
It’s weird hearing those stories now and how a little effort and the right setting can make you feel like a different person. I’m not saying I’ll never do anything irresponsible again, but being at Honey Acres makes me feel at home. Being disconnected from my phone most of the time keeps me present and I have so much to feel thankful for. It’s more difficult to remember that when I’m reminded of the things I don’t have every time my dad lets me down.
Emilia heads into the bathroom to clean up and I change into an oversized t-shirt. I think I imagine the knocking at first, until it happens again, followed by the sound of whining. As smart as Fish is, she can’t knock on doors, so I’m not surprised to find Russ at the bottom of the porch steps with her when I open the door. Illuminated by the light, I watch as his eyes rake me up and down, setting every inch of my exposed skin on fire.
I should stay in the doorway.
There’s no reason for me to walk out to him. I can see and hear him perfectly fine from the safety of my cabin. But, of course, I move to stand right in front of him. There’s glitter on the bow of his top lip; I fight to keep my hands by my side. “Hello.”
“Hi. I wanted to check you were okay.” My eyebrow quirks. “Xander.”
That little gossip.
He’s as bad as Leon.
“I’m okay. It’s no big deal.” He nods, shuffling on the spot. I can’t imagine Xander reported that I needed checking on, since I wasn’t upset. “Why are you really here, Russ?”
His hand rubs the back of his neck, something I haven’t seen him do in a while.
You, sir, are nervous.
“I don’t know, Rory.” He sighs and his hand reaches out to move my hair from my face. “I wanted to see you.”
I lean in toward him, the faint smell of sandalwood and vanilla hanging in the air. I watch the flicker of uncertainty cross his face before he takes a step closer to me. My voice lowers. “Are you jealous?”
“Of course, I am.” He says it so candidly that it catches me a little off guard. “I sort of want to punch him and I don’t understand why.”
It takes every scrap of self-control to not throw myself at him. I’d love to push this, wind him up, see what he does. But jealousy is only fun when you can do something about it. “You don’t need to be jealous and you don’t need to punch him. Mainly because that’s silly, but also because you need this job, remember.”
“I do need this job.” He nods once, then twice like he’s having a debate in his head I can’t hear and, on the third nod, he takes a step away from the porch. “Do you want to go on a hike tomorrow?”
“I have to work.”
“Xander said he’ll swap with you so we can have the day off together.”
“When you say hike, do you mean hike hike? Or do you mean I complain while walking uphill to our spot and then we hang out in the sun?”
His dimples appear as he smiles, melting me from the inside out. “Our spot.”
“That’d be good but, like, only if he’s sure he doesn’t mind.”
“He doesn’t.” He takes another step away and I really, really wish he’d kiss me goodnight. “Goodnight, Rory. See you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, Russ.” He waits on the spot until I’m back in my cabin so I don’t have to watch him leave, like he does every time without fail.
Emilia’s drying her hair with a towel when I get back inside. She nods towards the door. “What’d I miss?”
“I think I’m having my main character moment.”
“Freaking finally,” she says, turning on her hairdryer.
Chapter Nineteen
RUSS
“You’ve gone rogue, my man,” JJ says proudly. “I support it.”
I hadn’t intended to start my day on a video call with JJ, but at this point, it can’t make things worse. Right? I didn’t mean to tell him everything, but for once it felt nice to choose to share because I’m excited about something.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, JJ,” I groan. “Faking confidence can only go so far. I’m supposed to be staying out of trouble; I’ve made this massive deal about how much I need this job and now I feel like a hypocrite.”
“This woman likes you right . . .”
I massage the tension out of the back of my neck where it accumulates. “I think so. I might be wrong.”
“Nah, that wasn’t a question. This woman likes you and it doesn’t sound like you’re faking anything. You asked her to hang out with you today because you like her too. Are you faking anything when you hang out alone?”
Thinking about it, the answer is easy. “No. I feel like I can be myself with her.”
“Listen, buddy,” JJ says, clearing his throat. “I know you’ve got your whole homelife bag going on, or whatever is happening there, and I know you like to keep your head down, but don’t miss an opportunity to have fun and actually be happy because you’re too busy staring at the floor, trying to go unnoticed. You know you can always stay here if you need to avoid family drama until college restarts.”
“Thanks, JJ.”
“I’m pissed I had to graduate for people to realize how wise I am,” he grumbles. “Think about how much better everyone’s lives would’ve been if I was listened to.”
“I’ve always listened to you,” I argue. “I’ve been faking confidence for weeks.”
“Well remember, we’re not faking now. You are confident. You’re a tall, hot, well-educated hockey player. Women will look past every red flag for a man over six two. So, stop waiting for something bad to happen and go have fun.”
“I don’t think I have any red flags . . .”
“Oh, my sweet summer child,” he laughs. “You’re a straight, white man. That’s your red flag.”
“That seems totally fair actually. Thanks for chatting with me, man. I appreciate you.”
“Love you, brother. Speak soon.”
One day Aurora will take her clothes off in front of me and I won’t have to recite presidents in my head.
She kicks her shorts onto the t-shirt she’s already taken off and pulls a sock from each foot adding them to the pile and lies down on the picnic blanket. We’re more prepared than we were last time, with towels and an actual lunch to see us through the afternoon. “It’s so warm today,” she says, adjusting the material of her bikini.
I’ve seen what’s beneath the fabric, so I don’t know why I feel so intimidated by it.
“There’s going to be a thunderstorm later. It’ll cool down tomorrow.”