“That’s it,” he urges. “Take what you want. Take your need.”
He knows how to work my body as expertly as he does a bow and arrow. Touching the right places, feeling for the sensitive areas, when to go easy and when to go hard. It isn’t long before my pussy is quaking again, close to another release. With each of his thrusts, the buzzing intensifies. I rub against his cock wildly, not caring about anything but getting the release I crave.
He rolls my nipple between his fingers, and that breaks the pressure. It shatters over me like cracking ice, decimating me. Drowning me. Reducing me to nothing more than a quivering mass of liquid pleasure.
My thighs threaten to give out, so Basten grips my hips to hold me up as he pumps faster.
“Yes. Fuck. You’re mine, little violet. Mine.”
He comes in me with a final deep thrust, fully buried in my scabbard. I can feel his cock pulsing against my slick inner walls, pumping hot sprays of semen that fill me up. It feels so good. His hot come. His throbbing cock. And it’s so wrong, absolutely filthy, a sin I’ll never forgive myself for—but as necessary as breathing.
I slump onto the bed, still in the tattered masquerade gown, while Basten goes to my wash basin and fetches a cloth. He comes back and cleans me up with a tenderness that makes my heartstrings tighten. I feel the terrible sting of coming tears.
Of all the cruel things he’s done, making me admit I loved him was the worst. I didn’t want to say it even to myself. I thought I loved Adan, when all I really loved was the idea of getting out of the convent and starting a new life. With Basten, I told myself that it was the same. My feelings for him were confused. It couldn’t be love, because I didn’t know what love was.
I should have known he could read the secret buried in my heart. The shame I never wanted anyone to know about. I gave him my heart, fully and without reservation, and even after his betrayal, I’m still so damn in love with him that I can’t think straight.
I brush away a tear, not wanting him to see. I meant what I said: I love him, but I hate him, too. We just can’t stay away from each other. Maybe it’s this place. Duren. Sorsha Hall. With its sinful nature, this place is more dangerous than anywhere I’ve ever been. Even with Basten’s loyalty to his master, and my fury over his betrayal, we keep getting pulled back to each other like circling planets. It’s a collision course for destruction, I know, but I’m just as helpless to stop it.
Basten’s weight sinks onto the bed beside me. He wipes away the tear that rolls down my cheek, chased by two more.
“I’ll take care of you,” he whispers in a tone that twists me up inside.
He tries to kiss me, but I shove him away, bitterly wiping away my tears. “You can’t take care of me.”
“Sabine. I can. I will.”
“You can’t!” I shove him harder, almost knocking him off the edge of the bed. Pushing to my feet in the tattered gown, I kick his armor toward his feet. “Get out!”
“Please.” His jaw tightens. His throat bobs in a swallow as his walls slip a little further. “I couldn’t stand it if you—”
“Get out, Basten,” I hiss. “Take your gods damned armor and go!”
Chapter 32
Wolf
I fasten the armor that marks me as a Valvere soldier and leave Sabine’s room, resting my head against her door as I mull over how completely fucked up I am.
Yeah, I lied to Sabine to protect her. It was justified. I didn’t have a choice. But a good man would have stayed away from her after breaking her heart. He wouldn’t have fucked her against a wall in her engagement party gown until she cried.
I can’t help but keep moving toward her. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want her. Not just the sex—though fuck, the sex is mind-boggling—but to have her love. To know that she thinks about me first thing when she wakes up and last thing when she falls asleep. To possess her smiles, her kind touches. To have my ring on her finger.
Stop it, Wolf.
What I want is impossible. She’s engaged to Rian, who can keep her safe. So I’m just going to have to swallow my feral possessiveness and watch them be together, knowing I’ll never have what I want.
“Wolf?” a masculine voice says, tearing me out of my thoughts. “Were you just coming out of Lady Sabine’s room?”
I jolt upright. Rian and two Golden Sentinels stand at the end of the hall, looking at me strangely. I was wallowing in my feelings so fucking hard that I didn’t hear footsteps approach. That isn’t like me. Not good. I’m losing my edge.
I straighten, one hand going to my baldric belt to ensure it’s properly fastened. “The lady wasn’t feeling well. I was checking on her.”
Rian comes closer with slow footsteps. “She said she was going to get some air on the balcony, but then no one could find her.”
I clear my throat, trying to hide my jumping pulse. “As her guard, I had eyes on her the whole time. I—I think she drank too much wine. I was about to call for Brigit to come attend to her, to help her out of her costume.”
Rian smoothly turns to one of the soldiers. “Send for Brigit. And you.” He points to the other. “Stand guard at Lady Sabine’s door for the remainder of the night.”
My heart starts slamming in my chest. Casually, I say, “I assure you, my lord, I am capable of—”
“I need to speak with you,” Rian cuts me off, rubbing his hands distractedly. “Maximan can fill your post for the time being.”
My lip curls at Maximan. I know him from my training days. He’s a mean old bugger, but a highly capable guard. If I had to pick anyone else to watch over Sabine, he’d be my choice—and not just because he’s ugly as a coyote. Still, I hesitate.
A few minutes earlier, Rian would have caught me fucking his bride. Is there a chance he suspects something?
“As you wish, my lord,” I say gruffly, though I have to force my feet away from Sabine’s door. I hope like hell she cleans up the evidence of our tryst before her lady servant arrives.
Rian says nothing as I follow him down the long hall. I keep my face stony, trying not to reveal my scrambling nerves. If he knows about me and Sabine, I’d deserve the dungeon, but that doesn’t mean I want to go there. Fuck me. People have a habit of disappearing into Sorsha Hall’s dungeon and never coming out—I know, because I put half of them there.