“This will need some work before the wedding,” the director of photography mutters to Conrad.
“The transformation will be impactful,” Mac says with a broad sweep of his hand that shuts them up immediately. “Hey, darling. How are you doing?” he asks, taking my hands like I’ve witnessed the death of a much-loved pet. The cameras follow.
“It’s . . . different from what I remember.” The age of the structure would be hard to determine with carpet runners covering large portions of the oak flooring, but a notice on a bulletin board near the entrance narrows the founding date down to sometime in the 1850s. A giant wooden crucifix hangs above the altar, and I feel a pang of my remaining Catholic guilt that we’re using this holy place as a setting for my mom and Mac’s project.
“We’re bringing in Terri Fitzgibbons, the wedding planner, and flying in flowers for the big day. Today, let’s not focus on the aesthetics, okay? Let’s focus instead on memories of your grandma and your first meeting with Father Ignatius.”
“Sounds good,” I say, and slip away from Mac. When the cameras are rolling, he’s so welcoming, like we have a close friendship or like he’s my actual stepfather instead of the man who’s been sleeping with my mom for a couple of months. I think I prefer cold, snobby Mac. He seems more real.
I look up at the arched ceiling of the open, airy room and the choir loft. The beams are painted white, though I’m sure they were stained brown the last time I was here as a child. The cameras focus on my exploration, and it makes me nervous, so I block them out. Instead, I study the multicolored-glass windows made up of geometric shapes and lead lines. What would the off-white walls look like with the lights off and the sun shining through?
“What do you think?” a crew member asks. It’s not Conrad or one of the cameramen. This man is only a few inches taller than me, with light brown hair combed over to one side. Younger than me, too, I think, but dressed in a light jacket that I swear my father wore in a film in 1989. He might be the location manager or a gaffer assessing the lighting. It’s a little surprising being addressed by someone other than Mac with the cameras still rolling, but he must know something I don’t.
I whisper, glad to have someone normal to talk to before Mac comes back.
“Cathedrals are breathtaking, but this”—I gesture to the glass windows and arched roof—“it’s not showy or a waste of money or the result of some medieval pissing contest; it’s just”—I search for the right description—“simple and beautiful and probably a labor of sacrifice and love when it was built.”
He bobs his head, one finger over his mouth, taking in the multicolored glass.
“Hmm . . . poetic,” he says with a touch of sarcasm that makes me think he’s smirking. A quick check out of the corner of my eye confirms it.
“What?” I whisper, realizing why he’s laughing. “You don’t find a pissing contest to be an apt description?”
He takes his hand away from his mouth and clasps both behind his back. I can see his smile now. It’s brilliant and gives me the sense he’s been in far more mischief than his clean-cut look would suggest.
“Well, I guess I’ve never heard the term used in church or in reference to holy cathedrals.”
“Oh shit,” I say, covering the mic clipped under my collar. “You’re right. Do you think my mic picked it up?”
He shrugs with a bemused expression on his face.
“You’re no help.”
“It’s above my pay grade, I guess.” He’s still smiling.
“Mine too,” I try to joke but end up biting my lip instead.
“Nervous?” he asks, still staring over my head.
“Yeah, pretty nervous.”
“It doesn’t run in the family, the ‘on camera’ thing?” His questions are casual and insightful. He must be part of the production team, likely taking mental notes or recording our conversation through my mic to share with Mac later.
“Nooo. No. Not at all.”
“Why not? You don’t seem shy.”
“Ha. It’s not that. I used to be quite the camera hog.”
“What changed?” he asks.
I turn around and finally get a good look at my conversation partner as he continues to stare at the windows over my head. He’s even more buttoned up than I first thought, but interesting enough to make me curious. I want to find out his name.
“My mom’s acting coach said I didn’t have ‘the face’ for it.”
“The face for it?” he asks incredulously, refocusing his gaze on me.
“Yeah. He said my face doesn’t work.”
He gives me a quick once-over like he’s searching for the supposed error in my features.
“I think he was wrong about that.”
I blush. I shouldn’t be surprised that I get along with the crew better than the primaries. It’s been that way since I was little. They were the ones to sneak me a bagel from food services, or “crafty” as we always called it, or play a game of gin rummy during reshoots or carry me to my mom’s trailer when I fell asleep during a late shoot.
Why I chose to run PR for sometimes self-centered, often out-of-touch movie stars, I’ll never know.
“You’ll see,” I say. “I can’t hide anything. My mom thought I was a prodigy or something at first ’cause when I was little, I never needed a tear stick, you know, the stuff they put on your lower lid to make you cry. But then she realized I wasn’t crying on cue; I was crying for real because I didn’t want to be in front of the cameras.”
He chuckles, looking up at the windows again. As the sun starts to set, the stained glass on the eastward-facing side of the church swiftly loses most of its brilliance, and the windows on the west side change colors in the orange light, sending a blanket of golden hues through the nave.
The crew member grows contemplative, and a yellow triangle of light from the western stained glass falls on his cheek, making him seem warm, glowing.
“And what about now?” he asks seriously. “Do you want to be here? Now?”
I should answer, “Yes, I’m honored to be here,” but I have a feeling this guy will know I’m lying.
“Actually—I don’t know yet.”
“That’s . . . honest.” He rubs his chin thoughtfully.
“Elise!” I hear my name called, and my head snaps in that direction. “Darling. This way.”
Mac stands under the giant Jesus on a cross, waving at me like a member of the paparazzi trying to get my mom’s attention. I wince. His whole attitude clashes with the reverence intended for this place.