Warmth spreads across my lips as I make contact. I feel that writhing mass of me reenter my body, settle within my heart, then disperse throughout the rest of my limbs.
The cold of this frozen land slams back into me. More so than usual since I recently went for a swim in the freezing ocean and am still damp with both salt water and newly shed blood. But I welcome that biting cold like an old friend. I missed it. I missed feeling.
I missed being alive.
When the physical changes are done, I try to cut myself off mentally from the panaceum. I hear the undead slump to the deck, lifeless once more. Within my mind’s eye, I imagine a pair of scissors aiming for that tether between me and the panaceum, except as I look at it, I realize it’s not alone.
There is the smallest bit of my essence contained within the orb.
And I realize that if I were to completely sever that tie, I would die. Because the object was still corrupted—still encased within Threydan’s flesh when he changed me—I, too, suffer the consequences of that corruption. If I were to cut ties with it, that healing would be undone.
It has to stay with me always. I can’t hand it off to Alosa and be done with it. My hand tightens in a vise around the cursed object.
When my eyes reopen, I know they are brown once more by the way all the occupants on the ship suddenly relax their postures.
I say with a slight chatter, “What do the lot of you think? Is it not time we put this place behind us for good?”
Then the cheering starts.
Drifta and Islanders embrace. Dimella whistles in a way that splits the ears. Philoria and Visylla jump into the air with arms clasped around each other. Roslyn slides down from the crow’s nest and clamps herself around me, uncaring that I’m covered in blood.
Kearan meets my eyes over all the celebrating people, but his widen before they roam frantically over the crowd.
“Wait!” he shouts. “Where’s Enwen? Has anyone seen Enwen?”
All sounds stop, and no one answers his question.
“Enwen!” Kearan bellows. He weaves through the dead bodies, rolling them over and checking their faces. When it becomes impossible to tell how many he’s sorted through, he starts tossing over the dead and previously undead. The rest of the crew doesn’t need my order to help. The lads help carry all the bodies overboard. Some of the girls go below to search. The injured are brought to me, and I heal them all in quick succession. Dimella begins roll call and takes down the names of the Drifta who have joined us.
When done, I aid in the search, finding Kearan near a pile of bodies at the front of the ship. One at a time, he rolls them off the heap with the strength of a bear.
Enwen’s still form lies beneath them all.
The panaceum can do many things, but it cannot bring people back from the dead.
Kearan falls to his knees beside the body. His face is distraught. He gathers Enwen up in his arms and— Drops him.
“You bloody bastard!” Kearan says. “I could feel you breathing, you half-wit.”
Enwen cracks one eye open as he rubs the back of his head. “Maybe I lost consciousness.”
“You were faking dead!”
“I wouldn’t have to if you just told me how much you cared!”
Kearan looks ready to punch him. He stands, turns around, and meets my eyes. I cross my arms and look pointedly between the two of them. It takes a while, but eventually he gathers control of his temper. He reaches out a hand to Enwen and helps him to his feet. I observe as he draws Enwen close, whispers something in his ear, then releases him.
The crew goes back to cheering, and it’s as though nothing happened at all.
Enwen steps back from Kearan with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen. “Don’t worry,” he says. “Your secret is safe with me. Now, go on.” He pushes Kearan in my direction, not that Enwen could make him move if he didn’t want to.
All the screaming and laughter of the crew fades to the background as that big, brutish man approaches me. He enfolds me in his arms, covering my poorly clothed limbs with his warmth.
“You’re freezing,” he says.
“I know. Isn’t it exciting?”
He smiles.
“What did you say to Enwen?”
He rolls his eyes. “I told him he was my best friend.”
“Was it really so hard to say?”
“I’ll never hear the end of it now.”
“Nor would you want to.”
“Suppose not.”
Then I pull his head down to mine.
There may be onlookers, but I doubt they can see anything around Kearan’s form. Besides, I’m too thrilled to care. When our lips touch, a jolt of heat spreads through me. This, this, is how it is supposed to be. How could anyone be content with less?
Heat and soft lips, rough facial hair scratching along my palm. My limbs infusing with his body heat at every point where we touch. It is thrilling and terrifying all at once.
He tilts his head slightly, so our foreheads touch, our lips now a breath apart.
“I like this,” he says.
“Then why did you stop?”
“Perhaps we should get the ship moving?”
“Perhaps you’re right.” I peer around his shoulder. “Dimella! Get us going.”
“Aye-aye, Captain! Kearan to the helm, riggers—”
“Captain Warran can take the helm,” I tell her.
“Indeed he can. Warran, take the helm! The rest of you lot, get moving! We’ve a long sail ahead of us.”
I take Kearan’s hand and pull him after me into the captain’s quarters. Not a second after I get the door closed, a fist pounds against it.
My eyes slam shut, and I barely contain my sigh of frustration. I’m cold and tired and covered in blood. I want nothing more than a moment. Just one moment! Is that so much to ask for?
I slip the panaceum into my boot with my knives until I can fashion something else to carry it in, then wrench open the door and find Dynkinar on the other side.
I say nothing, just stare at her, waiting.
Dynkinar says something in Driftan, and I’m excited to find I can still translate. After all, the panaceum is still mine.
“That was well done, Captain Veshtas. I thank you for your courage and strength in doing the right thing back there. I beg another favor of you. Please return my people and the panaceum to the island.”
Thoughts of kissing Kearan slip from my mind as I focus on her words. “Is that truly what you and your people want? To return to that frozen place and guard a relic that was foisted upon you so long ago?”
“It is our sacred charge.”
“Last I checked, sirens weren’t gods. Why don’t instead you come with us, and we can discuss the artifact with the sirens. We can free your people from its influence forever.”
She stares me down for some time. When she speaks again, her tone is only curious. “What kind of life would my people have?”
“My queen is good and generous. She can always use more helping hands. I will plead on your behalf for a settlement. Or you’re welcome to join us. We’re always looking to expand our ranks. Your crew did a fair amount of pirating while protecting that cursed place.”
“We have little ones. Most of those left among us aren’t fighters.”