“My prince?” I demanded.
He met my gaze again, his eyes swimming with barely leashed wildness. It was a look I’d seen so many times in him over the past two months, so—
My breath caught.
Months? I’d been seeing that look on him for months.
“When did you know?” I repeated but louder. Blessed Mother, had he been feeling the bond that long?
His jaw grew tighter, the muscle flexing in the corner. “For a while.”
“How long? When did you first know?”
He released a breath. “When I brought you here to the castle. That first day when I flew us through the wards, and those two guards were fighting.” His voice turned raspy and low. “It was when the injured one began to die, and I felt your affinity rise. That was when I knew. That was the moment the bond clicked into place for me.”
I collapsed back onto the sofa. He’d known all this time? That meant . . .
“You’ve known the entire time I’ve been at this castle? You knew I was your mate when you locked me in these chambers for weeks on end?”
“I did.”
“Yet, you did it anyway?” I screeched, remembering that time when I’d felt so much anxiety and distress over what my future would hold.
He winced. “I had to. Your affinity was only beginning to manifest and—” He growled. “I’ve already explained all of this. Why must I do it again?”
I sprang from my seat and began to pace. “Because it changes everything. You did all of those things to me, all of those horrible things that made me feel . . . ock—” I paced faster. “You did all of that knowing that I was your mate?”
He pushed to a stand too, his hands fisting. “Yes, I did, and do you know what it did to me? It killed me to treat you like that, Ilara, but I had to for your sake and our continent’s.”
I spun to face him, planting my feet on the floor. My chest heaved as my heart pattered like a trapped bird. Why? Why must he be my mate? The murderer of my family? The male who’s tortured me so?
I swung away. “Who else knows?”
“My guards and Nuwin too.”
“How long have all of them known?”
He sighed. “I told my guards within a few days of realizing it, and I told Nuwin the same day. When I hauled him out into the hallway, the night you first met him, and he’d teased you as being my courtesan, I told him you were my mate. I only told him so he’d keep his hands off you in my absence.”
I covered my face with my hands. They’d all known. All of them, while I’d remained entirely na?ve.
The prince’s footsteps thundered in my ears. “Ilara,” he said gently.
Tears flooded my eyes, but I moved away from him before he could reach me. “No. Don’t.”
I fled from his sight, flying through the doors to my courtyard, needing to get away from him and this bond that stretched so tightly between us that it felt as though my chest was caving in.
Moonlight pierced the night sky, and the warmth of my courtyard’s orem bathed my senses.
I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply. Scents from the juniper blossoms tickled my nose, and the thick, cloying potency of the roses came next. Breathe in and out. Just breathe.
It was a tactic I’d used to ground myself after Tormesh and my parents had died. On the days when it felt as though I would shatter and everything around me was an illusion, I would plant my feet on the ground and let the soil curl between my toes as I breathed in the crystalline air of our northern realm. Slowly, the pounding in my heart would ease, and my tears would stop threatening to fall.
It was an act I did again now. I didn’t know what else to do.
I didn’t hear the prince approach, but his aura pummeled into my wingless back, barreling into me like crashing waves on the Tala Sea.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I never wanted this news to upset you.”
I took one last deep breath before I spun to face him. Blinking, I held back the tears that threatened to fall. I would not cry or show him how destroyed I felt. It wasn’t his fault the gods had chosen us for one another, but it didn’t make me any less angry. Why did they make him for me?
I couldn’t be with the male who’d killed my parents and brother. Even if I found it in me to completely forgive him, that stain would forever mar our relationship and taint any love that bloomed between us in blood.
He stared at me, the seconds ticking past as he waited.
“I can’t be with you,” I finally said. “Not now. Not ever.”
His throat worked a swallow, his entire body going rigid.
“You killed my family. How can I forgive you for that?”
He moved so fast it was like lightning struck. He suddenly towered over me, making my head tilt back so I could meet his stormy expression as my chest threatened to swell.
Go to him, a voice inside me seemed to stay.
I didn’t. I couldn’t.
“What if I didn’t kill them?”
I laughed, the sound as bitter as I felt. “Not this again.”
He clasped my chin, his fingers cupping that one small part of me. My toes curled when a blazing jolt shot through me. My mate. Mine.
The words echoed in my mind, reminding me that I would forever have to live with this torment, this anguish that the one fairy who was meant for me was the one I would never allow myself to have.
He lifted my face more, angling it so I had to look him directly in the eyes. “I’m not being cruel.”
I whipped my chin from his grip, a sharp retort on the tip of my tongue.
“Ilara,” he growled. “I’m not, and I can prove it.” He took a deep breath, the sound encompassing the weight of the realm.
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“What I’m about to show you could get me killed.” When my frown only deepened, he added, “I’m trusting you, Ilara Seary, daughter of Mervalee Territory. I’m entrusting my soul to you. What I’m about to reveal has the power to destroy me completely if you choose to do so.”
I didn’t have time to process those words before his arms whipped around me, and the realm disappeared in a twist of mist and shadows, air and wind.
My scream caught in my throat from how unexpected the sensation was. And when my feet once again touched solid ground, my breath sucked in as a fierce wind and a spray of stinging ice pelted my face.
The prince hooked his arm around my shoulders, his wing stretching out around me to block the violent weather.
Blinding snow flew everywhere, obscuring my vision. A second later, a pulse of his magic bathed my skin, and then the fierce storm stopped due to a solid wall of air surrounding us.
“Where are we?” I asked. The cold no longer bit into me as warmth filled his protective dome.
“We’re on the Cliffs of Sarum.”
My eyes widened, and my entire body began to tremble. “Blessed Mother.”
The Cliffs of Sarum were deadly. Stories floated throughout the continent of the magic encased within these icy cliffs and glaciers. Many fae had lost their lives here, getting lost in the labyrinth of enchanted caves and crevices, sucked in by magic, or falling prey to their own stupidity.