Yes, those parts. I can’t deny that this is the happiest I’ve been in years. These last few weeks have been a weird kind of blessing. A chance to see all of the wrong turns I’ve made over the last four years and all of the things that could have been if only I’d trusted in my own abilities instead of taking the safe route.
“I am happy here. Really fucking happy. But you and I are the same back home. Same with Aunt Livi. And there’s no reason why I couldn’t have a Wilde Beauty in my other life. Right? I’m smart. I’m capable. I’m far from perfect, but I’m working on it. And sure, in my world, Priya will probably find someone else to partner with. But another Priya will come along, and if she doesn’t, who’s to say I can’t go out and find my own Priya? I want to try. I’m going to go home, and I will work my ass off until I make Wilde Beauty happen.”
“What about Dax?”
That’s the question that’s burning a hole in my stomach so bad that I can’t even look at the box of doughnuts. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with him. Our relationship is different back home. There’s a strong possibility he’s dating a veterinarian’s assistant.”
“Do you think he wants more?”
Another question that I can’t answer.
I think back to the last time I saw Dax in my old life. The whole event is still hazy in my head, but the one thing that’s clear is the feeling I had. That catch in my chest that came with the idea that maybe, just maybe, Dax and I might be finally acknowledging that we were something more than friends.
I’m pretty sure I told him I loved him.
I’m also pretty sure he told me sex would change everything.
It’s hard to separate out the feelings and the facts.
What I do know is that we kissed.
Then he left.
Although I don’t want to admit it, isn’t that my answer?
“I just don’t think he’s looking to change things between us.”
“And yet you still want to go back?”
I nod, tears spilling down my cheeks. “I love him too much to stay.”
Her arm comes around my shoulder, and she pulls me into a hug as my cute little tears morph into a full-blown ugly cry.
“It’s gonna be okay, Gems. I have a feeling it’s all gonna work out.”
“You can’t know that.”
She releases me but tilts my face so I have nowhere to look but her eyes. “You’re right. I can’t. I do not possess any sort of psychic ability. You are the only one in the family to inherit the weird paranormal shit. Well, I have suspicions about Aunt Livi. She’s been way too calm over the last few weeks. But let’s park that for a moment. There is one thing I know well, and that’s you. I’ve known you for twenty-eight years and loved you for most of them. You’re smart and resourceful, and when you trust in yourself and what you want, you make it happen. Now, I can’t promise you’ll end up with Dax. But I’ve watched you find real love over these last few weeks, and I don’t think you’ll settle for any less than that. You’re done with kissing Stuarts. And I hope it works out for you. This universe has thrown some fucked-up shit your way lately. In my opinion, it owes you a solid.”
I dive back into the comfort of another Kiersten hug. “I love you, Kierst.”
She pats the back of my head. “I love you too. Please pass this karma on to me in your other life.”
“I will.”
“And since we’re still in this life, please pass me another doughnut.”
Chapter 28
Tonight is the night. Time is up. It’s the end of the road. We’re in the bottom of the ninth. Elvis is putting on his blue suedes and preparing to leave the building.
I have a plan. Aunt Livi is away for the weekend at a book fair. Kiersten has assured me that Livi’s fridge is stocked with chicken, there’s a white candle on the counter, and pink yarn is ready and waiting. I’ll have to invent on the spot a reason why Dax needs to bind my hands, but he hasn’t balked at any of the other sex stuff I’ve suggested thus far in our relationship, so I’m confident I can make it happen.
But now comes the hard part. The part when I have to say goodbye to everything I’ve loved in this life, starting with my second-hardest farewell.
“You are beautiful and perfect, and fuck, you smell like a dream.”
My store doesn’t answer because it’s a store, but a weird sense of calm washes over me. “This isn’t goodbye,” I whisper to a bottle of sea salt grapefruit body scrub, “this is until we meet again, and we will, I promise.”
I take one last deep inhale, lock the door behind me, and head home to get ready for the party.
I never thought I’d ever get nostalgic about my creepy basement. But as I walk around my tiny apartment one last time, an uncomfortable ball forms in the back of my throat. Goodbye, tiny kitchen. Farewell, living-room-slash-dining-room-slash-bedroom.
I pull it together when it comes time to use the bathroom for the last time, that is, until I lay eyes on my eight-legged arachnid friend, dangling in the corner of my shower.
“Frank, you’ve been the best roommate I’ve ever had. I’m grateful we set aside our differences and coordinated our shower schedules. I hope you have a great life.”
I’m very aware that things have gotten a bit ridiculous. When my eyes start to brim with tears, I take it as a sign that I need to rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and head to the party.
* * *
—
For a party I’ve been dreading, it starts off pretty great. I spot Sunny dressed as Pretty Woman Julia when I’m still half a block from the party. She runs full speed in her hooker heels. Her tight red dress doesn’t hinder her in the least as she throws herself into my arms.
“Gemma! You’re here. There’s someone I want you to meet!”
Andre Cortez is a pediatric nurse. Turns out he and Sunny apparently made eyes at each other for a solid year and a half before Sunny got sick of waiting for him to make a move and asked him out for coffee the night she asked me to sub for her. My heart aches at the idea that I’m not going to see how this plays out, and I hope with every fiber of my being that Sunny gets the happily ever after she deserves.
The three of us walk into the house together. Like at the last party, the place is packed. However, Dax doesn’t seek me out this time. I make polite chitchat with Andre, who is interesting and funny and makes the kind of eyes at Sunny that let you know he’s got it bad. When Dax still doesn’t appear, I seek him out, searching the living room, dining room, and kitchen before finally finding him in the backyard, sitting alone on a plastic Muskoka chair, staring at a potted fern.
He’s not in costume. The same funeral suit from this morning is still on his body, the red tie loosened and askew. There’s an empty scotch tumbler in his hands.
“There you are.”
He looks up at the sound of my voice, and a wide, genuine Dax smile breaks across his face.
“Hey, Gems.” He sets his glass down next to him and holds out his arms. I gladly accept the invitation to crawl into his lap.
“How’d the first day go?”
He hesitates before he answers. And because I know Dax, I know he only does that when he’s choosing his words carefully. Not a good sign.
“It was exactly what I expected it to be. People were nice enough. Work was fine.”
“But?”
He sighs and pulls me into his chest.