I bury a hand in her hair, my breathing shallow. “I was in therapy for years, Faye. Rationally, I know I didn’t… I didn’t kill them. But a small part of me continues to believe it, and I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t the reason I couldn’t face you. Logically, I understand I didn’t cause their accident, but if not for me, they wouldn’t have been on that plane.”
“Is that what your dreams are about?” She moves back to look at me when I don’t answer. “Dion, this isn’t the first night that one of your nightmares woke me up. I’ve never said anything because it seemed deeply personal, and you’ve always fallen back asleep soon after, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed. What do you dream of?”
I look into her eyes, hesitation making my words falter. “My mother,” I say eventually, laying my cards on the table. “I dream of her telling me I’m a monster and that I killed her. It’s the reason I can’t let go. Each time I try, she appears, reminding me that I don’t deserve to escape the guilt.”
Faye’s eyes fill with tears, and she shakes her head. “You do,” she urges. “You deserve to be free of guilt, and you deserve to be happy, Dion.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’ve done. I hear you, baby. I was a child when my parents died, but everything since then? My hands aren’t clean, and no matter what I do, I can’t erase the stains on them.”
She smiles at me then, a hint of amusement in her eyes. “My darling husband,” she murmurs, and my heart skips a beat. “You’re a Windsor. Name one powerful man with a clear conscience, one man who won’t break the law and his own morals to protect his own.”
I fall silent, and she shakes her head. “When I married you, I thought you were a monster, Dion. I thought you were just like my father, that you’d hurt me until I was completely broken and molded into what you wanted me to be. I couldn’t have been more wrong. You built me up, supported me unconditionally, and you’ve protected me in a way I never would’ve expected of you. If you tore anything down at all, it’s the walls I built. I love you, Dion. All of you, even the parts you think are unworthy. Will you let me? Will you let me love you, Dion?”
I swallow down the lump in my throat and reach for her, my lips brushing against her cautiously, almost as though a part of me still isn’t sure of what I heard. Her hands wrap into my hair, and she smiles against my lips before kissing me back.
She loves me.
Me.
After everything I just told her, she still loves me.
I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve the woman in my arms, but there’s nothing I won’t do to make her stay.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Faye
I wake up late and smile to myself as I roll over, thinking back to the way Dion kept me up all night. He wouldn’t stop telling me he loved me, and his touch was so reverent that I thought I’d lose it.
My fingertips brush over his pillow, my smile fading as I remember the guilt that’s tormented him for years. I spent so long hating him, never realizing that we were both suffering.
Does being with me hurt him? Am I triggering his dreams? It’s clear that he feels responsible for some of my father’s actions, and I’m not sure how to take away that pain. Dion deserves to be happy, but is this something we can move past?
I sigh as I get out of bed and get ready, feeling oddly rebellious. In the last couple of days, I’ve slowly started to do things just because I want to. I’ve gotten up late and skipped piano practice, choosing to focus more on teaching at the Staccato Foundation instead. I’ve even started dressing in a way that would’ve given my old stylist a heart attack.
I pause inside our wardrobe, my eyes dropping to some of the more casual clothing Raven gave me. My hand trembles as I reach for a pair of jeans. I haven’t dared wear them yet, but today I’m even more eager to reclaim a part of myself that I thought I’d lost. Perhaps it was Dion’s admission and the way my fears responded to his. I’m scared he’s right, and we’ll only destroy each other in the end. Is that the fate that awaits us?
I bite my lip as I force my body into a pair of jeans far tighter than anything I’m accustomed to wearing. It’s silly how much it means to me to wear something of my own choosing, but I’m done feeling embarrassed about chasing my dreams, however small. All I need is a little courage. I just need enough for both of us.
I grin at my reflection as I take in my jeans and t-shirt combination. It feels like a small victory to do something my father would’ve hated. Step by step, I’m going to reclaim what he beat out of me.
I reach for my long dark hair, a hint of longing blooming in my chest. Moments later, I’ve got Raven on the line. It isn’t just myself I have something to prove to. I want to prove to Dion that not everything we lost is gone forever.
“Faye!” she says excitedly, and I smile in response. Breaking ties with my family nearly tore me apart, but I meant what I said then. I do have a family of my own now. I just need to be brave enough to let them in.
“Raven, hi! Do you think… I mean, um, I know you’re really busy. But I was just wondering if you’d… well, I’d like to dye my hair, and I thought—”
“I know the perfect hairdresser,” she tells me, cutting me off. “Give me ten minutes, and I’ll pick you up.”
True to her word, she’s in front of my house ten minutes later, her hands behind the wheel of a sporty convertible that looks extremely expensive. She waves me over as I rush out of the house, her big smile making me respond in kind.
“Thank you,” I tell her, unsure what else to say. “I didn’t want to go by myself, and honestly, I’m still not sure this is even a good idea. Maybe… maybe I should tell Dion? I’m not sure he’d like it if I—” I shake my head and cut myself off when I realize I’m letting my old insecurities take over. “Never mind,” I tell her. “I’ve wanted to dye my hair for years now, and I think it’s time.”
She looks at me with a hint of pride and nods as she drives us out of the Windsor Estate. “Honestly, sometimes you just need a physical transformation to help you with your mental ones. I’m not entirely sure what you’re going through, but I’m happy you reached out.” Her gaze roams over my body, and she grins. “You look hot in the jeans, by the way. Has Dion seen you like that yet?”
I shake my head, my cheeks heating furiously. “No. I… this is the first time I’ve worn them.”
She nods knowingly. “You don’t see it, but I do. The woman that walked down the aisle and the one seated next to me are two entirely different people. You’ve flourished the way I was hoping you would. I guess by now the whole world knows that Ares was meant to marry my sister instead of me, so I’m sure you understand our situations weren’t so dissimilar.” She falls silent for a moment, her hands tightening on the steering wheel. “When I married Ares, I also thought I was unwanted, and that he’d never love me. Yet just like you, I flourished in my marriage. There’s just something about these Windsor men, huh? Their hopeless devotion and their unwillingness to give up on you despite the odds, the past, the stakes. It wears a girl down in all the best ways.”
Her eyes twinkle as she glances at me, and I can’t help but smile back at her. “It does,” I admit.
Raven turns to look at me once she’s parked the car. “I just hope you’ll offer him the same devotion, Faye. Dion… he needs you more than you’ll ever know.”
“I will,” I promise, and she nods at me before stepping out of the car. I wonder if Dion realizes just how loved he is. It’s odd how I never saw all the parallels between us until now. When he told me that he thought I’d run if he showed me all of him, he truly meant it. How do I make him see himself through my eyes?
“We’re fully booked today,” the receptionist tells us when we walk in, and Raven raises one perfect brow.
“Is that so?” she asks, her voice soft. “In that case, could you please let Max Giovanni know that Raven and Faye Windsor dropped by? Please send him my love. I’ll just see him some other time then.”
The receptionist’s eyes widen, and she does a double take when Raven takes off her sunglasses. “Oh,” she breathes. “Raven Windsor. I… I’m so sorry for not recognizing you straight away. Please, take a seat. I’ll get Max for you straight away.”
She rushes away, and Raven throws a sheepish look my way when she finds me gawking. “Being able to say that he was responsible for the color of one of the Windsor ladies is invaluable for Max. It doesn’t matter what’s on his schedule. He’ll drop it for us.”
True to her word, I’m seated in a chair for the next few hours, with Raven by my side. I thought she’d have left after the first hour, but she just sits and regales me with stories of Dion, her attention entirely on me.
“You don’t have to do this, you know?” I murmur eventually, feeling guilty.
She blinks at me in confusion. “Do what?”
“You don’t have to force yourself to stay. I’ll be okay by myself. Honestly, I didn’t expect you to come with me at all. I thought you’d just give me a recommendation and leave it at that.”