She performed a ritual, fully believing it wouldn’t work. She found a man with no name, and two months later was shocked to find out she was pregnant with Sage.
“It was my chance to start over. To try again. To do it right this time. Because even though the curse isn’t my fault, even though I’m not the one who killed Julian, it was my fault. It was all my fault.” She broke down then, covering her face with her hands, trying to keep her sobs quiet so as not to wake her second-chance daughter upstairs.
“And now Mom is dead. She sacrificed everything for me. For my kids. And I couldn’t even hold her hand at the end.”
“She knew,” Anne reassured her. “I promise. She always knew.”
“I’m more grateful to her for raising you than you’ll ever know,” Florence added, turning to the twins. “I know she did a better job than I ever could have. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I fell in love with the wrong man.”
Her apologies piled up, a burning mess scattered on the floor between them, charring the wood until the smell of cherries burned Sadie’s nose. Seth, by his own measure, drank in every word of her story. In his eyes, there was nothing to forgive, there was only time lost that he could finally attempt to regain. Sadie’s heart, on the other hand, was like the pile of apologies glowing amber on the floor.
The longer Florence spoke, the more Sadie’s teeth set on edge. Every word clawed its way in, establishing roots. Her mother wanted to be a family: that much was clear, though Sadie doubted she’d ever say it. But what was family other than blood? It was time and love and memories. It was arguments and forgiveness and compromise. Her thoughts drifted unwillingly toward Jake.
“I know mom tied one of your lives to her own,” she added, grabbing Seth’s hand across the table. “I know her death unleashed all kinds of things. I promise, I swear, I’ll help you figure it out. If that’s what you want,” she added, looking to Sadie this time.
As Sadie watched her brother, the way he looked at their mother, the hunger in his eyes, she wondered if she was going to lose him all over again. She’d had him to herself their whole lives. And then he’d left. And now that he was back, their mother threatened to capture his heart.
“It doesn’t have to be like that, sugar,” she heard Gigi’s voice whisper in her ear. “There’s always enough love to go around. You’ve learned to be stingy with it because of your curse. But it’s time to let that go.”
“Do you know which one of us is the conduit?” Sadie asked.
“I don’t. But Sage can help us with that tomorrow. We’ll figure something out. I promise.” Florence smiled reassuringly. “Now, there’s nothing more we can do tonight. So, it’s time for everyone to tell me what I’ve missed.”
Kay started, of course, and told Florence about every detail of her job and the misery of it and the string of younger men she’d had brief flings with, until Anne finally cut her off. She chimed in about Steven, their kids, and the new grandbaby. Then it was Seth’s turn.
“I guess I’m kind of like you. I never wanted my magic. Jesus”—he ran a hand through his hair—“I never even knew what it was, really. Or how to explain it, I guess. And then about a year and a half ago or so, it started getting worse. I didn’t want it. I’d never wanted it. I always wanted to just—I don’t know—be normal, I guess.”
“Hard thing to be in this family,” Florence said with a small smile. “What exactly is your magic, if you don’t mind my asking?”
Sadie held her breath. She’d been wondering about that since time beyond memory.
“I guess I’m pretty good at knowing what people want. Or what they need. Even if they don’t know it themselves. I know their deepest secrets,” he said, his face etched in misery. “Everything from their greatest desire to their most inane wish—I know fucking all of it.”
“Oh, honey,” Florence said, her voice soft with sympathy, “that’s got to be so tough.”
“But Seth,” Sadie broke in, shaking her head with brow furrowed in confusion, “that’s amazing.”
“Amazing,” he scoffed, turning to his sister. “It’s my curse. That’s the legacy, right? Every Revelare has magic, but they also have a curse. Mine just happen to be one and the same.”
“How can you say that?” Sadie argued. “You can use it to help people!”
“Most people don’t want to hear what they need. Most people—normal people—have secrets for a reason. I don’t want to know that shit, trust me. And you wouldn’t either.”
Florence looked back and forth between the twins, unsure of her place.
“When did you know?” Sadie asked. And when Seth didn’t answer, she asked again, demanded in a voice that brooked no argument.
“Before I left, I started, I don’t know … feeling things. Hearing them. Seeing people’s wants, needs, desires. It was driving me insane. I couldn’t control it at all.”
“That’s why you really left,” Sadie whispered.
“Yeah,” he intoned, his lips pursed as he nodded.
“You left?” Florence asked.
“I guess it’s in his blood,” Sadie said, regretting the words the moment they were out.
Seth looked mutinous.
At that moment the fireplace in the living room sprang to life, the wood suddenly popping and snapping as though it had been roaring for hours.
“I’m sorry,” Sadie said, shaking herself and turning to Florence. “I didn’t mean that.”
Didn’t you?
“Sugar, you have every right to how you feel,” her mother said, and it was so similar to something Gigi would say that Sadie’s throat tightened. “And you have every right to hate your legacy,” Florence added to Seth. “Trust me, I did for a while too. But your grandmother, she believed in what we had. She used it to keep our family together, to help people, and God knows I’m far from that, but I try.”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t have its perks,” Seth said. “I know what people want to hear. I can get any job I want, anything or anyone I want. I can basically manipulate anybody to do what I need them to. When I left, I did that for a while. But none of it was real.”
“We’re more alike than I thought, then.” Florence’s smile was sad and full of shadowed memories better left to midnight. “It’s an empty life, isn’t it?”
“I never wanted to leave. But I couldn’t, I don’t know, I couldn’t separate myself. I thought leaving would help me figure out who I was apart from Sadie, apart from the stupid family legacy. But I was miserable. When I came back, I told Raquel everything. I don’t know why, but when I tried to use my magic on her, it didn’t work. So it felt safe, I guess.”
“Wait a second—Raquel knows about this?” Sadie demanded, her brows furrowing.
“She tried to help me turn it off.” He shrugged.
“I don’t know who Raquel is, but you can’t get rid of who you are,” Florence said in a voice that spoke from experience.
“I’m with her on this one,” Sadie echoed.
“Trust us, honey,” Tava said. “We’ve all tried to escape at one point or another. But every time we leave, we realize there’s no place better than with the people who love us the most.”
“You can’t imagine what it’s like, okay? I go to pay for my gas, and the checkout guy, his girlfriend is pregnant by another guy, and he’s so miserable all he wants is to kill himself. And I feel it so strongly that suddenly I feel like I want to kill myself too.”
“You haven’t felt this your whole life?” Florence asked.
“Some part of me has, I guess. But it just kept getting worse.”
“And now?”
“I’ve basically become a hermit. If I’m not here, then I’m somewhere nobody else is. I can’t go out in public.”
“Seth”—Sadie reached out to him, grabbing his hand—“why didn’t you tell me any of this? I’m so sorry.”
“Because I knew you’d try to help, and I love you Sade, but you just don’t get it. You’d want me to use it to help people. But I have to help myself first or risk losing my goddamn mind.”
“You know if you actually let someone in once in a while, maybe you’d realize that you don’t actually know everything,” she said.