Jake nodded with a solemn smile and leaned down to kiss Gigi’s hand.
“Now go on. This old broad needs to get some rest. Seth is the only one who won’t hover over me like a mother hen. You two get out of here, you hear me? And don’t forget about Bambi and Abby. There’s grilled chicken and rice for them in the fridge.”
“Of course there is,” Seth said, amused.
Sadie sighed and kissed her grandmother on the forehead before leaving.
Jake was silent on the way to the car, his demeanor calm. Sadie, meanwhile, had collected herself, had her emotions back under control. Only Seth could get her riled up in that way. And though she wanted to punch through the metal door of Jake’s truck, outwardly, judging by the serenity on her face, she could have just left a yoga class.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked as he started the engine.
“No.”
“Where has Seth been?”
“Hell if I know,” she answered.
“And you have no idea why he left?”
“Jake, I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Right, right, sorry. It’s just weird seeing you two like that. But, you know, Gigi will be okay.”
The moment he spoke the words, a lump formed in Sadie’s throat. She nodded.
“Of course, she will,” she said tightly.
They were silent the rest of the way, Sadie’s shoulder blades aching as she tried to keep hold of her emotions. She couldn’t break down. Not in front of Jake.
When he pulled into her driveway, her chest lightened when she saw Raquel’s car was still there. She opened the door before the truck was fully in park.
“Thank you, really,” she said. “I’ll be fine. Talk to you later.”
“Sadie, wait,” Jake called, rolling the passenger-side window down.
She turned to look at him, not sure how much longer she could hold it all in. He looked on the verge of saying something comforting or life altering or heartbreaking, Sadie wasn’t sure which. But then his eyes cleared as he seemed to change his mind.
“Can I have my dog back now?”
A wild laugh burbled out of her.
“No,” she said, and left him there, but not before she caught sight of the smile that took over his face. It was soft, but sharply dangerous in the way it threatened to pierce through her armor, and she tried to kick the memory of it away before it reached her heart.
Raquel was waiting with open arms, and Sadie sighed as she sank into her best friend and told her everything the doctor had said.
“I knew she was going to be okay,” Raquel said, relief coloring her voice.
“My stupid brother,” Sadie groaned miserably into Raquel’s shoulder.
“I know,” she murmured, guiding Sadie in and closing the door while simultaneously using her foot to maneuver Abby away from where she was searching for Gigi.
“When did you know?” she demanded sharply.
“When he showed up here thirty seconds before Gigi fell. Like he knew the exact time it was going to happen.”
“Asshole.”
“Can’t disagree.” Raquel smiled, and there was something behind it. “But you’ve kind of got to admire his style.”
“Of course, he has to be the hero.”
“Sadie …” Raquel’s voice was gentle but held reproving. “I don’t think it was like that.”
“Who knows what it’s like. It doesn’t matter. I’m sure he’ll be leaving again as soon as she’s home.”
“I don’t think so,” Raquel said. “I saw suitcases when I helped him get Gigi in the car.”
“Maybe I don’t want him here.”
“He’s your family, Sade. He’s supposed to be here. Give him a chance.”
“I’ll give him a chance. A fat chance. In hell.”
They both laughed, and then Sadie fell quiet, wrapping her palms around the warm mug of tea Raquel had just handed her.
Her best friend gave her almost a full minute before she couldn’t take it anymore.
“So?” she asked, drawing out the vowel with raised eyebrows. “Are you freaking out on the inside right now? Because you know I can never tell since you’re like a weird statue whenever you’re experiencing emotion.”
“I’m …” Sadie took a deep breath. “I don’t know. How should I be? I mean, Gigi’s in the hospital. Gigi. The woman who once pulled a massive tree stump out of the ground using a shovel and her bare hands. The woman who climbs the tallest-ass ladder there is and cleans out the gutters because she won’t ask anyone else to help her. How am I supposed to feel?”
“I don’t think you’re supposed to feel any way. I think you’re allowed to feel however you want.”
Sadie’s throat was almost too tight to speak. She forced the lump down and squeezed her eyes shut until it was painful.
“She’s all I have.”
“Hey,” Raquel said, reaching over and grabbing Sadie’s hand. “I’m here. We’ll get through this together. It’s okay to be upset, you know.”
“I know,” Sadie said, wiping her nose on the sleeve of Jake’s sweatshirt. “Ugh, I’m sorry,” she choked out as she tried to wipe away the tears without Raquel seeing them.
“For what? Having emotions?” Raquel huffed. “You apologize too much.”
“You’re the only one I can cry in front of, you know.” Sadie laughed through her tears and got caught on a hiccup.
Raquel sighed. “I know. Look, I get that Gigi is all you have. And I know you’re pissed at Seth for leaving and for coming back. And you’re trying to keep Jake at arm’s length and still run the café and be a good person and blah blah blah. But I just think maybe you should try and let go of the past a little bit. Maybe you could try and forgive Seth, at the very least.”
Sadie snorted and stretched her neck from side to side, trying to alleviate some of the tightness that had settled there in the last few hours.
“What’re you, his new spokesperson?”
“Your problem,” Raquel went on, “is that you pretend to be a hard ass. You pretend you don’t care. But you never let go of hope. Because if there’s even the tiniest chance that someone can be redeemed, you’ll never let go.”
“Because I’m stupid,” Sadie groaned. “I mean, if anyone should have learned from the past, it’s me. But my skull is thicker than a ten-foot fence.”
“That makes absolutely no sense,” Raquel said, laughing.
“You know what I mean! I’m dumb. Slap my ass and call me Sally. Put a fork in me. Whatever. God, I can’t even get my ‘isms’ right. It’s just—yeah, you’re right, I guess. Shut up. Do not respond to that. But I do have a hard time letting go. Despite all the heartbreak. And damn, the hope is what kills you, you know? That’s why I have to smother it. No smoke. No embers. Stamp it out.”
“My dad says that the thing about the past is that when there’s pain, that’s all you remember. But when there’s joy, even if it’s a little bit, you forget all the shitty things that went along with it. I mean I added the ‘shitty’ part because you know he’d never say that. But that’s why people make terrible decisions over and over again.”
“Do you think I make terrible decisions over and over again?”
“I think you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“Gigi asked me what I wanted out of life.”
“A loaded question if ever there was one,” Raquel observed.
“She asked me why I never pursued my dream of publishing a cookbook. Or teaching those cooking classes.”
“Oh my gosh! Remember how you outlined an entire series? It was all color coded and everything, you little freak. Why did you give up on that? You know what? Don’t answer that. Look, I know you’re happy here. Nobody loves this town more than you do. But it’s okay to have dreams too, you know?”
The crunch of tires on gravel heralded Seth’s arrival. She was out the door before he’d even turned the car off.
He carried Gigi to the couch despite her protestations, and Sadie could tell by the look on his face that Gigi had told him about her cancer. There was a hollowness to his eyes she hadn’t seen there before. Raquel kissed Gigi, hugged Seth, and then cupped Sadie’s cheeks in her hands.
“You’ve got this,” she whispered before she left.
“Stop hovering,” Seth hissed as Sadie rearranged the blanket around Gigi for the third time.