The True Love Experiment

By the time I walk on set, my blood pressure is as close to normal as it’s likely to get today. And I’m surprised that I feel my pulse settling further by association: Fizzy can be found here.

It would be an understatement to say the set is similar to yesterday, because it is in fact exactly the same. We want it to look like the dates are taking place on the same day, so the pastries in the case have been replicated, the stacks of cups arranged just so, and the actors are in the same seats as when we called cut at the end of the day. Even Fizzy is in the same outfit, the soft silk top and tight black pants, looking—if possible—even more beautiful.

Despite the way my morning started, I am only mildly overcaffeinated when our first Hero enters.





EVAN: THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY


If there’s one thing you can say about Felicity Chen, it’s that she does not disappoint. When Evan steps through the door, Fizzy’s eyes fall straight to his crotch before swinging wildly to me. I manage to contain a laugh, but Fizzy isn’t quite so lucky. She lets out what can only be described as a guffaw that literally stops Evan in his tracks. A murmur of laughter ripples through the crew as Fizzy claps a hand over her mouth. Rory looks back at me. Without words she’s asking whether we should reshoot Evan’s entrance, and I shake my head, confident that Fizzy can save this with a joke and a moment of levity. But it’s Evan who surprises me when he continues walking and stops in front of her table with an amused smile.

“Don’t worry,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh, and motions to his hip. “It’s gone. Bart Simpson is no more.”

She laughs. “It’s for the best, trust me.” Fizzy stands, rounding the table to embrace him. “There are probably a lot of confused people watching this right now,” she says once they’re sitting across from each other.

Evan smiles down at the table and blushes. A few feet behind me, one of the female crew members releases a breathy sigh.

Looking up again, he grins at Fizzy. “Then people should know that I had a rather unfortunate tattoo in a very unfortunate place, and Fizzy was the only person who was honest with me. In fact, I should thank her feedback for ninety percent of the sex I’ve had in the years since we broke up.”

Fizzy laughs into her hands. “I’m happy for everyone involved.”

“Speaking of happy for everyone…” He motions to the lights and cameras pointed at them. “How’s this whole celebrity thing treating you?”

“You know,” she says, “I get to sit here all professionally dolled up while scores of suitors are brought in one after another. I’ve been worse.” She smiles, more at ease now. I don’t sense any romantic sparks, but they already look comfortable together, which the audience will love. “What have you been up to lately?”

“After we dated and I picked up the pieces of my life,” he says with a sly smile, “I tried my hand as a part-time barista while continuing to better myself as a student at UCSD. I’ve been there for about eight years now.”

“Eight years is a lot of bettering yourself.”

“Lots of people go to school for eight years,” he says.

“And they have their own parking spaces at hospitals and the word doctor in front of their name.”

Evan leans in. “Have you been talking to my mother?”

The crew holds in their laughter, and I let out a long, steady exhale. Fizzy is a bloody star.



* * *





ARJUN: MR. DARCY


Date two of the day shows up in a custom Gucci suit and alligator oxfords that cost more than most people’s first car. Fizzy is visibly unimpressed. At the end of the date, she gives me a flat stare that, by now, I can correctly interpret as Mr. Darcy was grumpy but kind. That guy was an egomaniac.

Date number three is promising.





COLBY: NAVY SEAL


Colby is well over six feet tall and a wall of muscle. His black hair is cut short, his tan the combination of an olive complexion and early mornings spent battling the currents at Breakers Beach. When he takes a seat across from Fizzy, I have to tamp down a wave of pure jealous irritation over how good they look together. But their conversation is, well… frankly it’s boring. To her credit, Fizzy really tries to carry the tepid back-and-forth, but lets out an audible gasp when he admits he hasn’t read a real book since The Da Vinci Code was published in 2003.

The producer in me really needs this next one to hit it out of the park.

But the guy who kissed Fizzy two nights ago secretly hopes it all goes down in flames. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t. Enter:





NICK: CINNAMON ROLL


Nick is everything he was in his audition, and when he walks in, he drags along with him an aura of affability and a haze of sexuality that seems to shimmer across the room. Fizzy begins to stand, seemingly without realizing it, the second she spots him. They greet each other with a lingering hug, and I’m hit with the sense that I’m seeing something immediate and intimate. It’s the kind of connection that makes me want to watch them have sex, and then my reflexes kick me in the mental balls for the thought.

The crew is spellbound. At some point Nick tells her about a litter of puppies they’re expecting at his office, and Fizzy makes him promise that he’ll keep her updated.

In an act of self-preservation, I manage to tune out the rest of their date.

Next, we get:





JUDE: VAMPIRE


I’m not sure what Fizzy was expecting when she put vampire on the list of archetypes, but I’m hoping Jude fits the bill. I think I might even surprise her. Jude walks through the door and crosses to Fizzy in a few strides. Beaming, she stands and greets him with a hug. His ears glitter with silver piercings, he has a lip ring and a nose ring, and he’s dressed in expensive monochromatic black from head to toe. He has the same cool edge about him that Fizzy does.

Jude pulls out Fizzy’s chair before moving to his own, and I am on tenterhooks waiting for the reveal.

“So, you’re my Vampire.” Fizzy gives him an appreciative once-over. One of the cameras is zoomed in close enough to catch the way she crosses her legs under the table, her high-heeled foot casually coming to rest against his leg. Great for ratings, terrible for my mental health.

“It would appear so,” he says with a smirk. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Fizzy. I was getting so nervous. I didn’t think it was possible, but you’re even more beautiful in person.”

There isn’t an ounce of insincerity detectable. Watching next to me, Brenna makes a tiny, infatuated squeak before quickly covering her mouth. On the outside I am completely impassive. Inside I am flipping off Vampire Jude.

He lifts his coffee in a toast. “Here’s to hoping this is the first date of many.”

Visibly charmed, Fizzy clinks her mug with his and they both drink.

“Tell me about yourself, Jude. What exactly does a vampire do for a living these days?”

“I’m a phlebotomist, actually,” he says with a knowing grin.

And there it is. God, I’ve been waiting for this moment.

Fizzy slaps her hand on the table with a loud, surprised laugh, her eyes shifting just to the left of Jude to meet mine across the café.

That laughter is just for me.





twenty-five


Episode One Confessional Transcript

Connor Prince: Fizzy. How are you?

Fizzy Chen: I’m great now that you’re here.

Connor: [laughs] Since this is our first show, we should explain to the viewers what we’re doing. My name is Connor Prince and I’m one of the producers of The True Love Experiment. You’ll have to forgive me for being a little nervous. I wasn’t supposed to be on this side of the camera.

Fizzy: An oversight I’m glad I rectified.

Connor: As some of you watching may have discovered by now, Fizzy can be very persuasive.

Fizzy: You are not the first person to say that.