“This is wrong,” he says.
That makes me angry. Yes, he’s my teacher, and he’s a lot older than me. And married. Okay, that sounds bad. But at the same time, we connect. When two people connect on the same level we do, don’t they have a responsibility to do something about it, no matter what the circumstances? “I don’t think it’s wrong,” I say.
“It is.” His brows bunch together. “But I can’t resist you. I’m helpless.”
I can’t resist you. I’m helpless.
My only fear is that we could get caught. Look at what happened to Mr. Tuttle, and nothing like this even went on with him. But maybe that’s the difference. Mr. Tuttle and I weren’t doing anything wrong, so we weren’t careful. But Mr. Bennett and I will be careful.
Like he’s reading my mind, Mr. Bennett looks anxiously at the door. “We shouldn’t do this here.”
“I know a place.”
He looks surprised, but he follows me dutifully out the door to the classroom. There is a place in the school that nobody else knows about where two people could be alone. I took photography last year as an elective, and the class was all digital, but it didn’t used to be. There’s a darkroom set up next to the classroom that kids used to use to develop photos, but now it’s just a small empty room with a large sink and old chemicals. Maybe someday it will be repurposed for something, but now it’s a haven of privacy.
I close the door behind us.
“You’re really something, Addie,” he breathes.
He loosens his tie and undoes the first button on his collar as my heart skips a beat. He’s not going to take off his shirt, is he? The thought of it makes me uneasy, but thankfully, he stops after that first button.
“I’m glad you like the room, Mr. Bennett,” I say.
He grins at me. “You don’t need to call me Mr. Bennett when we’re in here.”
“Oh.” I feel stupid. Obviously, if we are going to be making out in the darkroom, I shouldn’t be calling him Mr. Bennett. “Nathaniel then?” It feels so strange saying his first name. Even after kissing him, saying “Mr. Bennett” feels more normal to me.
He grins at me. “Most people call me Nate. But it’s your choice.”
“I like Nathaniel,” I say thoughtfully.
“Okay,” he agrees. “And how about you? Do you prefer Adeline?” His smile widens. “Sweet Adeline…”
I have always hated the name Adeline, but I like the way it sounds on his lips. Sweet Adeline…
Except it’s not really true, is it? There’s nothing sweet about what we’re doing in this darkroom. “I prefer Addie.”
“You got it.” He cocks his head at me. “Back in the classroom, was that…was that your first kiss?”
My face burns. I hate for him to think of me as being inexperienced, but I don’t want to lie to him. I get the feeling he knows when I’m telling the truth.
“You just seemed uncomfortable at first,” he says quickly.
For real? That is not what I wanted to hear, even though he’s technically right. “Was I bad at it?”
“No. No. You were amazing.” He shakes his head. “And it doesn’t matter if it was your first kiss or not. Forget I asked that. I just… I feel bad. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
I tilt my chin up to him. “I want to do this.”
He hesitates for another split second, considering my answer. Then he pushes me against the table used to place developed photos, and he kisses me again.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Thirty-Eight
ADDIE
WE SPEND the next forty minutes in the darkroom, and then Mr. Bennett—I mean, Nathaniel—drives me home after. It’s a bit risky, but if he doesn’t drive me home, I’m going to be late, and my mom is going to totally freak if she gets home from her shift and I’m not there. So it’s a risk we need to take.
As we drive home, I can’t stop thinking about what happened in that darkroom. The way Mr. Bennett—I mean, Nathaniel—touched me. The feel of his lips on mine set every single nerve in my body on fire. And really, all we did was kiss. He didn’t even try to do more than that. He told me he wasn’t going to. This is all I dreamed of doing with him.
That’s how sweet he is. He doesn’t care if all we do is kiss. He just wants to be with me because we have this connection.
When we stop at a red light, he reaches over and takes my hand in his. He flashes me a nervous look. “Is this okay?” he asks.
I squeeze his hand back to show him it is. “Yes.”
His shoulders relax. “Sorry, this is… It’s new territory for me. Honestly, I feel like a bad person. I’m your teacher…”
“I was the one who made the first move,” I point out. “You told me to go away.”
He lets out a long sigh, taking his eyes briefly off the road to look over at me. “I married Eve because it was expected of me to settle down. I never met anyone genuinely special before. And now I’m thirty-eight, and I’m meeting my soulmate for the first time, and she’s only sixteen.” He grimaces. “How cruel is this universe?”
He just called me his soulmate. It’s wild, because I feel the exact same way, but I would have thought I was imagining it if he hadn’t said it. “You can’t help who you form a connection with. Right?”
“Believe me, I wish everyone thought about it the way you did. But they’re not going to understand.”
He’s right. If anyone finds out about this, he would get fired. And I’m pretty sure my life would get much worse as well. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“You have no idea how much your presence in my life has changed me,” he says. “Before you came along, I was completely blocked. And now I’m writing poetry again! For the first time in a long time.”
That’s incredible. Especially because all I want to do is write poems about Nathaniel Bennett. I want to fill a whole notebook with verses about the way the lines crinkle around his eyes. “Will you show me one of your poems?”
“It’s all I want to do.” He smiles. “Eve… she has no interest in my poetry. She never did. Everything with her has to be practical, and she thinks poetry is such a waste.”
I never liked Mrs. Bennett, and now I almost feel like I hate her. Nathaniel loves poetry—what kind of wife wouldn’t be supportive of that?
Nathaniel pulls up on the curb a full block away from my house. “I don’t think I should get closer than this.”
I nod, knowing he’s right. I hate that we have to hide, but there’s also something exciting about it. “It’s fine.”
“Addie…” He reaches out to touch my face, and he pulls away at the last second. “You can’t tell anyone about this. Not a soul. Not your mom, not your friends—nobody.”
“I won’t.”
“I mean it.” He stares at me through the shadows in his car. “My entire career is in your hands. I’m counting on you.”
He had pulled his hand away during the drive, and I reach out to take it now. “You can trust me.”
I can tell how badly he wants to kiss me, but we both understand the wisdom of not kissing in a car in the middle of the street, even under the cloak of darkness. We can steal moments in the darkroom, but that’s it. Anything else would be too big a risk.
But maybe it won’t always be that way. Maybe there will be a time in the future when we can be together.
OceanofPDF.com
Chapter Thirty-Nine
EVE
I AM GRADING test papers on the living room sofa when Nate comes home.
The front door slams, and a second later, he is standing in front of me in the middle of the living room. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey.” I smile at him briefly, then go back to grading papers. I’m leaving to meet Jay in an hour, and I’m hoping to get through a large chunk of the midterms. “Don’t forget I’m going out tonight.”
Nate plops down next to me on the sofa. He smiles at me—he looks so dazzlingly handsome when he smiles. “What are you doing?”
“Grading midterms.”
He tugs the stack of papers out of my hands. “Feel like taking a break?”