Once I’m there and have a beer in front of me, I’m glad I came…until Harrison tells us his dad is putting their beach house on the market.
That house was a staple of our childhood, the place where we surfed from dawn to nightfall, fooling ourselves into believing we were the next Kelly Slater, the next Andy Irons. I thought we’d teach our kids to surf there, our grandkids too, but I think we’ve all avoided it since our friend Danny died during a trip in college.
“Did you ever go back, after that weekend?” I ask Harrison.
He shakes his head. “I intended to. It was just—”
We all know what he means.
“That was the weekend shit started to fall apart,” Liam says. “It’s like we were fucking cursed.”
None of us argue. We all held so much promise back then, but after Danny’s death…we withered. Maybe that’s how adulthood is for everyone, but it’s nothing I foresaw for us, back when Liam and Beck were the star athletes at Gloucester Prep and Harrison and I were vying for valedictorian.
“Maybe we should go surf there, one last time, before it sells,” Beck adds. “Break the curse.”
Liam shoots a wary look at the corner of the bar, where a group of women are gathered—and scowling at him. “I’m not sure I’ll live long enough to join you.”
Harrison reaches for the pitcher. “You wouldn’t have this problem if you’d attempt something that lasts more than two minutes.”
“Two minutes? No wonder your wife looks so unhappy,” Liam replies, which would be funnier if it wasn’t true. “I think I’m finally ready to settle down, however, now that I’ve laid eyes on Caleb’s hot new neighbor.”
I set my beer down with a thud. “She’s got kids and she’s going through a divorce, so leave her alone.”
“All I heard was ‘She’s getting divorced,’” Liam replies. “Was there something more?”
Harrison laughs under his breath as he turns to me. “What neighbor? I thought you were the only idiot who’d buy a house on the north end of the lake. Not a single place there was built after 1950.”
“I have no idea who she is.” That she’s Robert Underwood’s kid obviously isn’t public knowledge, and I’m sure as shit not about to admit she works for me. It’s a situation I plan to change, ASAP. “She moved in next door.”
Beck leans back against the far side of the bar. “Why aren’t you interested if she’s so attractive? I mean, have you slept with anyone since Kate left?”
If I tell him it’s none of his business, I’ll look like I’ve got something to hide. And I, unequivocally, do not. “Of course I haven’t. She’s been through a lot. I’m just trying to do the right thing.”
Harrison looks at the others briefly before clearing his throat. “She’s been gone for nearly a year, Caleb. You’ve waited long enough.”
I look between them and sense this was all pre-planned. Intervention for the guy who refuses to cut the cord. They see me as the victim when they look at us, but when I look in the mirror, I see a villain.
Because everything that went wrong with Kate began with what was wrong with me.
5
LUCIE
My mother’s name lights up the phone mere seconds after I’ve gotten dressed in the morning. Calls from her are rare and visits even rarer. I’m okay with the infrequency: I don’t need my kids lured in by the same false promises she always made me.
“I can’t believe I had to hear about this from Jeremy,” she says. “Are you insane?”
Her reaction is not a surprise—she’s spent her entire life looking for a golden ticket, which she erroneously thought she’d found when she got knocked up by my father. The one thing I’ve ever done right, in her estimation, was marrying Jeremy, and now I’ve thrown it away.
I walk to the kitchen and get the eggs out while she continues.
“You’ve got mouths to feed, Lucie. Or did you think your pageant experience and a degree you’ve never used set you up to take over the world?”
I reach for the matches. My aunt was frugal and refused to accept help from anyone, including my father. I’m wishing, now that I’m the one who has to light the stove by hand, that she’d accepted just a little help. “I’ve got a job. I’m the director of employee programs for a software company.”
“No job you’re qualified for will bring in the kind of money Jeremy makes. You realize you can forget about the country club membership and skiing in Tahoe and your Christmases in Palm Springs, right?”
I pull open a cabinet door and the whole thing snaps off the hinges. “I never cared about any of that in the first place.” I hated the big, soulless house Jeremy chose without my input. I hated those trips he’d take us on, constantly jostling to be seen by the right people, putting on a show of his parenting only when there was an audience.
“Yeah, that’s easy to say until you realize what it’s like to live without it. And your kids might have liked those things you claim you don’t care about. Whatever. I just hope you aren’t under the impression that I’m going to help you out when it falls through.”
I give a small, bitter laugh. “Have no fear, Mom. I never thought for a minute you’d be helping us.” She doesn’t lift a finger for anyone but herself, which is, no doubt, why my aunt set up her will to keep the house in trust for me until I became an adult—so that it would remain out of my mother’s reach.
“You think you’re so smart, Lucie, but mark my words: you’re going to regret what you’re doing here.”
No shit, Mom. I’ve only been gone for five days and I’m already full of regret.
I end the call and get on with the process of getting the kids ready. Sophie cries about having to go to aftercare the entire way to school and Henry is unusually pensive, staring out the window. They barely say a word as they walk to class, and my phone is already buzzing with incoming texts from Jeremy, the ones he sends every morning, intended to ruin my day.
JEREMY
Your mom told me about your job. You couldn’t even remember to buy toilet paper, so I hope their expectations are low.
This is his specialty, finding some stupid mistake I’ve made and throwing it in my face endlessly. And it’s hard to argue when I’m about to leave my children miserable at school, am nearly out of gas, and may well lose my job today. It’s barely eight in the morning and I already want to give up.
I arrive at work on fumes and smile at Kayleigh as I walk in. She looks at me blankly, as if I’m a ghost or perhaps simply an employee she knows won’t be back tomorrow.
Turn this around, Lucie, I command as I walk to my cubicle. Yes, things look bad, and your mother has taken your cheating exhusband’s side, but…turn this day around.
I’m still saying it when I open my laptop to find an email from Caleb:
See me as soon as you get in.
There is no greeting, no signature. It’s the email you send someone who has really fucked up or is about to get fired, and every ounce of determination I had seconds before fails me. I rise slowly from my chair, forcing my feet forward. I looked at jobs online last night but was too tired to send out resumes. It appears I should have.
The phone in my hand chimes just as I reach Caleb’s door. I’m certain it’s Jeremy telling me I’m stupid or losing my looks, and whatever it is, I’ve no longer got the energy to fight. My mother, Jeremy, Caleb—I officially concede to any or all.
I enter Caleb’s office, and his gaze moves over me, head to foot, before he swallows and looks away.
Go ahead, Caleb, fire me. I give up.
“I’m approving the walking program,” he says.
What?
It’s shocking enough that I’m not in here to be fired, but did he like the idea? I straighten. “That’s—”
“Have it ready to present to the executive committee on Friday and I’ll need some results for an interview the following week.”