He pauses, and my heart is pounding so loudly, I’m sure he can hear it.
And then he stands up from the couch.
Crosses the room.
Sinks down on the bed next to me.
Slides one hand behind my head.
And he kisses me.
Chapter 22
It’s gentle at first. Our mouths come together, apart, back together again. He slides a hand up to my cheek and sits back to look at me like he can’t believe I’m real. I’m shaking a little. And then he leans in again, and I’m grabbing his shirt, his hands are tangled in my hair, and our bodies are pressed together.
I thought our last kiss was intense—that kiss on his couch during my Very Bad Year—but it was nothing compared to this. Nothing compared to kissing him when I know him so much better and see him so much clearer. He shifts his weight, lowering me onto the bed and pressing my body into the mattress. I clutch his shoulders as his lips explore the sensitive skin on my jaw, my neck, behind my earlobe. His mouth finds mine again, and we kiss until my lips are swollen and my cheeks are marked from the stubble on his chin.
With every kiss, with every touch I want more. More of him. Desperately, I grasp the hard muscles of his shoulders and tug his shirt over his head. And it’s cliché, I know it is, but the motion is a bucket of ice water dumped right over us. He freezes with his arms propped on either side of my head, blinking down at me in a daze, like he just woke up from a dream.
Or maybe it was a nightmare. Because the next thing I know, he’s rolled off me, and the chilled air from the AC unit in the window blows across my heated skin. I shiver, and not in a good way.
Jacob slides to the edge of the bed and puts his head in his hands. “Shit. I can’t do this.”
I struggle to sit up. “What?”
He looks everywhere but at me. “I’m so sorry.”
And just like that, all the oxygen goes out of the room. Oh my God. He’s sorry. He’s sorry. Is this really happening again?
“What the hell?” I stare at his back.
Finally, he turns to me, and the regret on his face is so agonizing that I have to look away.
“Sadie,” he says. “You just broke up with your boyfriend of three years. You’re upset about your parents. I came up here because you were crying and distraught. And then I made a move on you.”
“I was over the crying when you made a move on me. I’m not crying now.” Except I kind of am, but it has nothing to do with Alex or my parents, and everything to do with the humiliation I’m experiencing.
His head shakes back and forth. “Owen would kill me if he knew I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable.”
My mouth drops open. “Excuse me? I do have some agency here. I don’t need my brother to decide when I’m allowed to make out with someone.”
“I know that. But I’m trying to be your friend.”
I get off the bed and stomp to the other side of the room. “Maybe I don’t want to be your friend.”
Jacob slowly shakes his head. “I get it that this seemed like a good idea at the time, but I saw you crying out there on the street. This isn’t—” He runs a hand through his hair. “We shouldn’t start something like this. Not now when you’re—”
“When I’m what?” Except I already know. I turn away, pressing a hand over my eyes. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening again.”
“Again?”
How many times am I going to do this? What’s it going to take for me to realize that Jacob isn’t interested in me? He’s Owen’s best friend, and I’m Owen’s pathetic, sad sister, and he feels sorry for me. And the worst part is that despite all of that, the sight of his messy hair and the broad chest that pressed me down into the mattress still has my heart turning to butterscotch pudding. “I think you need to leave, Jacob.”
He hesitates, and then finally nods. “Can I call you tomorrow? To see if you’re okay?”
I felt humiliated before, but that was nothing compared to the thought of him calling to make sure I’m not drowning my sorrows in a vat of raw cookie dough. I close my eyes. “Oh my God, please don’t call me. Please just… go.” I sink down on the bed, facing the wall.
Jacob moves toward the door and then pauses. Please don’t let him say anything to make this even worse. A moment later, the door creaks open. As soon as it gently closes behind him, I’m crying again.
I reach up to wipe my eyes and a little furry head pops out from under my arm. Gio looks up into my face and meows. I pick him up and clutch him to my chest. “I’m done with men, Gio. Except you. You’re the man of my dreams.”
Gio purrs in agreement.
Chapter 23
September
Sadie, can you come into my office?”
I look up in surprise from the peach cupcakes I’m decorating. My automatic reaction is that I’m about to be sacked, but… No. Xavier gets too much joy from firing people publicly, so it can’t be that.
“Uh, sure.” I leave my pastry bag on the prep table and follow him into his office.
He closes the door behind us and points to the couch. I sink down warily while he settles on the chair behind his desk.
“I’ve been hearing a lot of feedback about the restaurant’s desserts lately.” He pauses for me to react, but I’m honestly not sure what to say. Is the feedback negative? Positive? No doubt he’s withholding that information because he gets a creepy satisfaction in leaving me off-balance.
“Okay…,” I murmur.
“That feedback has been good,” he finally deigns to tell me. “Very good.”
I’m still not sure what he’s looking for. Although I’d go as far as to say the best pastries at Xavier’s are all my concept, the executive pastry chef technically gets the credit.
“Uh, that’s great.”
There’s another pause where he nods slowly. “It’s not lost on me that the success of the restaurant’s desserts should be credited to you.” He presses a hand to his chest. “After myself, of course.”
Of course.
But then I register the rest of his statement, and my eyes widen. Did he say credit? To me? “Oh wow. Thanks. I mean, the whole pastry team works really hard to ensure that everything that leaves the kitchen is the highest quality, but I do enjoy the process of creating new recipes, and obviously I’m a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to execution…” Oh God, not the nervous babble again. I snap my mouth shut.
“It’s also not lost on me that you’ve become quite the leader. You’ve embraced your role in training Doug and the other new pastry staff, and you’re making a real effort to help support the other divisions of the restaurant. Your willingness to focus on customer service with our VIP clientele is especially notable.”
I sit up straight in my seat. Is it possible Alex was actually right when he argued Xavier wanted me to work in the dining room to test whether I was willing to be a team player? Maybe Xavier really didn’t know that Rob was getting handsy. I mean, how would he know unless someone reported it? And since I didn’t report it, it’s likely nobody else did either.